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Parents meeting help

So a little background.  My fiance's parents live out of state.  They will be in town this weekend because his family is throwing us a couples shower.  So we decided that on Sunday we would invite just his parents and my father and step mother to brunch as a chance to get to know each other some.(as Sat night will be busy with lots of people not a great time to get to know one another.)  My father and Fiance's mom met once last summer when she was in town and his mother also met my mother before she passed away-so the dads have never met.Anyways-tonight we see his mom because she has arrived in town(his dad arrives tomorrow) and she says we are wrong not to invite fiance's sister and my brother and there sig others.  So then we explain that if we did that then we also have to invite my step brother and his wife.  We also explain we feel this is taking away from the whole point on them getting to know each other in a more intimite enviroment.  We also explain that we can afford to take 6 of us out to brunch(at The Clubhouse) but we can not afford to take 12 people out to brunch.  She then says well why won't my dad pay for this....to which I replied I don't understand why he should pay when WE were the ones to invite everyone.  She then goes on and on about how this is all about family and how we are not including the whole immediate family.My fiance does not want everyone to go-feel it is too much going on, as well as too expensive.  I suggested we could change the location to a less expensive brunch and that 'the kids' would basically have our own conversation and 'the parents' could just talk.  He really doesn't want to do this.First off-is his mom super rude or were we in the wrong for not including everyone to begin with?!?  Truly we were not trying to leave anyone out just give our parents a chance to get to know each other without other distractions since this is it before we are married in November!!Thanks for any and all feedback!
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Re: Parents meeting help

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    edited December 2011
    Yes, his mom is rude. Think of it this way, you're invited to a dinner party and you call up the hostess and tell her that you'd love to come but she must also invite 6 other people or you'll be mad and her party will be stupid.I would not give in to her; it sets a precedent for your future with her that she is going to complain until you do what she wants. I would just keep saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but FI and I think it will be very nice to spend some time with just the four of you so we can all get to know each other better." And frankly, if FI doesn't want everyone and it's his mother, I'd have him deal with it.Good luck!
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    edited December 2011
    she is being rude. stick to your guns!
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    raeynraeyn member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp that his mother is being rude, but it would also be nice to include the others if they've come in from out of town and have nothing to do. However, if you've offered to compromise and FI is the one dead set on going out with just the 6 of you, he should deal with his mother. If it were me, I'd invite everyone over to our house for brunch and make scrambled eggs and bacon. That way like you said it's cheap and the "kids" can entertain themselves while the parents get to know each other. But that's just me and I'm terribly non-confrontational. If FI wants the confrontation, he can do the confronting.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree that his mom is being rude, however are your FI's siblings also coming in from out of town? I totally understand wanting to have a nice get to know you meal with just your parents, but I wouldn't exclude my siblings or DH siblings that have traveled in from out of town for what is essentially a family meal. All this being said, if they live in town and you get to see them fairly frequently, I would not include them. Also, I would have your FI be the one to talk to his mom about whatever decision you both agree upon in the end.
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    edited December 2011
    Everything Fink-Nottle said!
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    edited December 2011
    I definitely agree with the pp.  Your FMIL is definitely being rude.  This is an event you set up, and it is not her place to invite people to your event.  If she wants to have everyone get together, she should plan something, herself.
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