Feeling guilty!!!

mbf124

Hi all,

I'm a bridesmaid in my friends wedding this July.  (She's also a bridesmaid in my wedding in May).  She lives in New Jersey so we don't see each other very often due to conflicting schedules and expensive airfare!

Her sister just emailed me to let me know they are throwing her a surprise bridal shower in February.  While I REALLY want to go to this I don't think it's really feasible for me to do it .  

I'm a freelancer and work every Fri-Sun.  I don't get any paid vacation so taking any days off is difficult for me.  Next year I'm already taking off a ton of days for my wedding, her wedding and several other weddings I have to go to.  

Am I a terrible friend/bridesmaid if I don't come to the shower?? I know she is going to come to one of mine this spring so I feel I should do the same .  UGH i just feel horrible about this.  Sorry for the vent.  Any advice?

jessNlane52804

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I don't think it's wrong to not go to the bridal shower. If it were my shower, I think I would understand that you have to work and have your own wedding to pay for. Maybe have a special gift or note for another BM to give her at the surprise shower. Or this kind of cheesy, but record a video message for her or something of the like to show that you are there in spirit.

mandybear7

No, it does not make you a terrible BM. Some of my BM live out of town and I will totally understand if they cannot make every pre-wedding get together.

That got me thinking... conceptually, you could buy her a $200 gift and that STILL would probably be cheaper than airfare. Wow (oh, and I'm not saying to buy her a $200 gift but that's just crazy to realize).

mbf124

thanks for the advice, girls.  It makes me feel better to hear that i'm not really a horrible friend/BM. I plan on sending her a nice gift and card and letting her know I really wish I could be there.
Hopefully she will understand!

rhodesign

None of my OOT bridesmaids (other than one from Madison) came to my shower or b-party, and I didn't expect them to. One from SF offered and I told her to save her money. I don't think it's a big deal if you miss the shower--you're coming to the important part!

chosen175

I don't think it's a big deal.  I was MoH in my bff's wedding and I didn't travel to her shower. 

Can you maybe send your gift to the hostess so she can open it at the shower along with the others?  Or if you feel guilty, maybe you can offer to help pay for a floral arrangement or favors or something like that.  But I'm sure your friend will understand that you need to save your money for your own wedding.  Perhaps you can treat her to lunch when you see her for one of the weddings.