venty-vent vent: Wedding blues

kaesha

So, we're leaving in 5 days... and I'm SO inexplicably bummed right now. I'm wondering (especially for the married ladies) how many of you went through this too.I mean, I recognize that we're at crunch time, but I've finished all my DIY projects. All that's left is our music playlist, which was supposed to be in FI's hands. I should have realized before last night that he was just going to want to play a ton of obscure music ("It's an okay song, but does anyone but you know it? People like to dance to songs they know." "You just don't know anything about music.")So the result is FI and I are having a minor argument right now, which is super rare for us. It's all so stupid, he's stressed (he's writing a final exam today), I'm stressed. On top of it, my mum is driving me crazy with her constant changing of the welcome BBQ menu. We'd settled on burgers (beef & veggie) and then I got an email this morning about serving bbq salmon, which would be great except for the many people who don't eat fish.Sigh.

MauiWedding08

sorry that you are going through this, but you leave in FIVE days!!  YIPPEE!Things will only get better!Can you suggest having a 3rd party (a trusted guest/friend) look over the music list?  Seems like that would ease the stress a bit and hopefully they will be able to back you up and also make sure the play list will go over well.as for the bbq - not sure what to tell you on that.  I think you just need to be firm with your mom and tell her to keep it simple and stick with the plan.  Can you make her feel guilty for making you stressed?  That only works with certain people/relationships, I guess.

jujubee96

oh, Alyson - hugs and mucho knottie vibes!!  I'm sorry you are inexplicably bummed.  That is the worst kind - I hate the inexplicable bum-ness.  It's better when you know why and the level of being bummed is commensurate with the circumstances.  You know I was down too sometimes before the wedding - but for different reasons.  It's all a part of life - the good and the bad make the whole thing (life) rich and varied and good.  Does that make sense?Focus on the good things - it is minor argument, not major, at least, right?  And leftover fish is not the worst thing in the world. I wish you MUCH joy, happiness, and feelings of anticipation and excitement as the day draws nearer!  I think you have a week once you get there before the wedding, right?Happy happy joy joy!!  Aja aja - fighting!  (a korean self-encouragement-type chant)  love love, jen

fia214

Girl no worries a play list will be easy to throw together. Just suck it up and tell FI the last thing you want to do is argue right now and you are sorry if you were nasty. Sometimes us women have to everything grrrrr! GOOD LUCK!!! Let me know if you need help??

peachmango

Focus on the fact that you're leaving in 5 days to go to paradise Playlist, BBQ menu.. all this stuff will work itself out.  Whatever it is, it's not worth arguing over  

kaesha

I know, right? It's just stupid! I think I need to clean my apartment or something - the mess of all the DIY projects is really affecting my mood.In other news, my Dad and FFIL both emailed me their speeches today and they're the exact same thing... except my Dad's is better. Any tips on how to tell FFIL to rewrite? Can I delegate that to FI?

MrsHow

I'm not as close to W-day as you, but when FI and I have "fights" about the stupid wedding stuff it puts me in a really bad mood, especially because, like you, we never really fight.  I can imagine having bad feelings toward FI so close to the wedding can be really scary.  If you're anything like me and FI, this will blow over in a day.  Once your FI gets his paper done, and you're on your way to HI, things will be back to bliss.And don't worry abou the menu, tell Mum (sooo cute) that she can do whatever she wants as long as everyone has options.   And if you want, you can ask her to stop sending updates, and just suprise you on the day.  The more things off your plate the better.<big hugs>

HulaLove

I don't remember being bummed.  The one hiccup we had about 5 days before we left was DH's crazy cousin decided he was bringing a guest.  So I scrambled to get a menu, place card and welcome kit stuff for her AND update the caterer AND change the seating plan.... Then when he arrived there was no guest in site.  MIL and his aunt brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal.  I left he room while DH explained how big of a deal it was to me.  You guys sound stressed and overwhelmed with DIY stuff.  My advice is that you won't notice the small stuff when you see your FI at the end of the aisle!  After our wedding I wished I hadn't spent so much time worrying about everything.  As for the speeches and Welcome BBQ.  Would you feel comfortable just letting them do what they want?  Good luck, sending you tons of knottie/Nestie vibes!  Your wedding and vacation are going to be fantastic.  And your TTD pics are going to be gorgeous (saw the dress when I was lurking a while ago!).

amyj513

It sounds like you are both stressed because it is crunch time.  Try to enjoy the next few days and then you can relax!!  It sounds a little like post-partum depression minus the baby

sandyhorne

The end is near, the stress is building and it just gets crazier.  Best advice I can give....just let it all go.  The playlist will come together, let your Mom do what she wants (as she is probably going to anyway lol  as most mom's do).    Just relax and see that light at the end of the tunnel and this is going to be the best day of your life.As far as the speeches......maybe I'm not up with the times (what else is new, lol) but I've never heard of reading the speeches before the wedding.  Let both fathers get up and wing it and speak from the heart and just be glad they will be there to share the day.Much Knottie Love!!  Hang in there!

lelekay

I was a little bummed, too, a few days before we left. I sort of felt like all the projects were done, everything was packed in boxes and shipped, if need be, and I felt a little......lost, I guess. It'll get better, I promise. We had little stupid arguments, as well. We were both stressed, and it sometimes came out in the wrong way. This will get better, too. As far as the music goes: I say just try to come to a compromise. Obscure songs can be okay, as long as they're great, but intermix them with better-known stuff. You're both right on this one, I think. People do like to dance to what they know, but it can't hurt to mix some little-known music in there, too. Just try to go back and forth a lot. Once you get to HI, you'll take a big sigh and relax. Just keep focusing on that!

MauiWedding08

hmmm, the speeches.  As far as that goes, do you really need to do anything?  I had no clue what my FIL (as best man) was going to say.   (for that matter I didn't know what my sister as MOH was going to say...) and they were kind of similar, but I don't think anyone cared/noticed because really, the message is going to be similar regardless.  Neither of our people were the funny/childhood story type, etc.If you really want him to change, maybe give him (through your FI) some direction, i.e. "I would really like it if you talked about XYZ/funny story/history."  Mix it in with some off hand compliments - "this speech doesn't really let your personality shine though, everyone would love it if you_____________"BUT if your FI is feeling stressed and this will create drama at all, I would whole heartedly say let it go.  Everyone will be happy to be at the wedding and hearing from your fathers.

Snarling Fox

Awww .. ((hugs)). Just think, only 5 more days till toes in the sand, tradeswinds, cocktails, and you marry FI. Music - I agree with the pps, maybe a 3rd person could take a peek at the list? Maybe add some additional stuff for dancing, or a dancing category? Then FI can keep the music he loves. Food - if there is food, no one will complain. It'll be a fun welcome bbq regardless of the menu. Your mum has good intentions and if she adds another dish, the fish lovers will love her and if not, there is still the burgers. Speeches - as long as the fathers are giving the speeches, I'm sure it'll be lovely and touching regardless of how similar they may be. I wouldn't worry about editing any of it. By the time you get down that aisle, none of this is going to matter except that you get to marry your FI. It'll all be wonderful, so hang in there!! *I write all this but I'm just inside the 2 month mark so I'm sure I'll be typing something similar soon

inamra

Aww so sorry that you're so stressed out =(I think the music will be okay. As long as it has a good beat and people are having fun...maybe you can stick in some more popular songs too to mix it up a bit more and to get ppl going...and hopefully you can get the beef and veggie burgers back for the BBQ...But no worries, I think everyone goes through pre-wedding stress...BUT everything will be okay. I was totally last-minute stressed, crunching, and freaked out too but everything turned out perfectly...in the end, all that matters is that you married the love of your love and shared and celebrated with your family and friends...You're getting married soon! =] It'll be the best day of your life!

carrieoz_76

About the speeches, I agree with PPs - don't worry about it.  If you do end up talking to them about it (which I wouldn't advise - I think they should just say whatever they want; someone will wing it, and things will change at the last minute anyways), but if you do, remember the Good-Bad-Good sandwich.  So - I loved how thoughtful your speech was (good), but I wondered if you wouldn't mind also adding something about X since that was so funny/memorable/kind (bad), and again, I really do appreciate you being so willing to do this (good).  It's the nice way to deliver tough news.You're going to get it all worked out, and you'll have an awesome trip.  Let yourself enjoy it once FI is done with finals.Carrie

M&M's_Maui

Aww Alyson!  Chalk it all up to stress...  my cousing said that some sort of breakdown in the days leading up to the wedding is kind of like a final initiation... (it doesn't make it feel any better though)Coming from the girl who was stressed up to her eyeballs in Maui 'cause of the dumb brush fires combined with lack of sleep (due to catching up also 'cause of the dumb brush fires), the best advice I can give you is to just let it all go.  Trust me, when the day comes, you're not going to notice anything.  You're going to be so happy that you'll be marrying Phil, that the little things aren't going to matter.  All the pp's have given you great ideas on how to compromise with the playlist & with the Welcome BBQ food.  As for the father speeches, don't worry about it all.  No one's going to notice how similar they sound.  Sending you tons of happy knottie vibes!!!  Yay!!  You're leaving in 5 days!!!!!

MrsNicole&Brian808

I agree with the others.  It's time to let go.  You've done a super job planning and you really can't plan for every single thing that might happen.I think your fathers' speeches will be just fine.  They've both prepared something from the heart.  How can you go wrong with that?  :)Hang in there and get excited!!!

kaesha

I chalk it up to thinking that I'm not really a bride but the director of a high school production... I'm into the micromanaging stage.

diorgrl8

oh kaesha, i'm afraid i will be on this same boat the closer we get. i keep telling myself i need to always be conscious of how i treat my family/friends when i'm under a lot of stress...because i DO NOT want to be a bridezilla either...I think the important thing to remember is that as long as your PRIORITIES are good...everything else is minor and there's no need to ruin a great day over them. :)GL!

HappyGoLuckyGal

I'm a little late chiming in...but I wanted to let you know that I'm so excited for you. I can't believe it's your time already. It's going to be awesome. I think it's normal to be more emotional and to get in more arguments right before a huge event like a wedding. Good luck with everything!