Family Friendors...

penga

Hey knotties..need a bit of help again! >.>" So FI and I found a photographer that we really, really like. You know, the kind with blogs you check everyday to see the amazing art that could someday be yours?  I called her, and after finding our date was still available, set up a meeting for our scouting trip this December.  No deposit on anything yet. Enter FI's dad. He's got a friend who's a photographer, and he highly recommended that we use him.  So we looked at the friend's website and a sample dvd that was mailed to us. The style is completely different from the photographer we liked, and also more expensive.  FI told his dad 'thanks, but no thanks', citing our difference in style preference.  FI's dad then writes back a long and critical email about how his friend would be better, and that he can work with any style we want.  Frankly, I don't believe this is true, especially if there's no examples to show for it.  So my question is - how do we tell FI's dad "no" without making him more upset? I'm already on rocky ground with my FFIL, since he's already a bit put-off that his son isn't marrying a fellow islander.  I'm trying not to make things worse. Do you think we should hold off on putting our deposit down until we meet with both photographers, to show FI's dad that we gave his friend equal consideration? Did anyone else have problems with family members and their friendors? How did you handle it? 

tifani27

I totally get you! My Dad owns a bar and restaurant and he used to be the cheif of police where I lived so of course he knows everyone and their mother. He of course wanted us to use his friends, it made for a really difficult situation, but basically it bioled down to this. It is OUR wedding and it is our ONE day where everything gets to be about us and ultimatley my Dad just wanted me to be happy and so he understood that this is my wedding and let me do what I chose. It did take some coercing, but I just told him that I very much appreciated his input but that what we wanted was a little different. I think that if you FFIL is being that much of a jerk about it, then maybe your FI needs to sit down with him and have a converstaion about the fact that this is your wedding and what works best for him may not be what works best for you and your FI....good luck!

MrsNFB

1) I don't think you should compromise what you want for your FFIL. Unless...FFIL is paying for the photographer, then he would obviously get a say as to whom you choose. 2) This is something that FI needs to handle since it's his family that is putting the pressure on, you shouldn't have to be the one that deals with his father on this. I don't really see how meeting with FFIL's friend is going to sway you to choose his style of photography, I think it will just draw this whole thing out. You've already seen his photos and they do not match your vision.

penga

We are paying for the wedding, so yes, ultimately it is our decision (which as far as I am concerned, is already made).  I think you're right though, it wouldn't be fair to the friend to draw this out.  We just need to come up with a way to respectfully assert our position to FFIL.  I called FI just now and he's going to talk to his dad tomorrow.  Tonight we'll talk things over and make a list of our reasons.  FFIL is a very factual man so maybe a more objective approach would be better than saying his style just isn't for us?  I just hope the reason behind all this isn't because he made unwarranted promises to his friend..:PThanks for your input!

MrsNicole&Brian808

I agree with MrsNFB.  I don't really understand why you need to come up with reasons to explain your decision.  You discussed it and made a decision.  That's it.  And it's on your FFIL to come with an explanation if he's already made empty promises to his photographer friend.  I wouldn't even worry about it.  GL!