VENT!!!! The dreaded step-mother

nbk2d9q

Ugh!!! OMG!! My Dad (whom i am super close to) just told me that my step-mother is coming with him to the wedding. OMG! Seriously i know she is his wife but come on! She completely hates me. She honestly put me through complete hell growing up. Even back then he always said it's my issue and she doesn't have a problem. BS!! Oh i could go on and on about the crap she did to me while my dad was away from the house. We don't speak - and haven't spoken a word to each other in years. YEARS!! I swear she is going just to ruin my day! =( I really just want to cry. I'm seriously at the point where I don't want to get married if she's going. I can't imagine seeing her face as I walk down the aisle. I can't at all imagine ever seeing her in my wedding photos years from now. What am I going to do? She didn't go to my college graduation, she didn't go to my sisters baby shower, she hasn't even seen my sisters baby and she's almost 3 now! She has no interest at all in our lives. I tried to reason with him and he just said that she doesn't have a problem with me and it's all in my head. It's MY issue because I can't stand her. BS!! What the heck!?!?!?! Ugghhh! I'm so sorry to vent here but I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with him about it. He already has dangerously high blood pressure and I don't want to stress him out. What would you guys do? Should I suck it up and be totally upset the entire day? Am I being immature about this? I feel like asking her, "Why are you trying to ruin the most important day of my life?!" Thanks guys. This just sucks. =(

elaineNgene

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.  I completely understand your frustration.  We kind of have a sticky situation too, two sets of divorced parents, both of the dads remarried, and both of the stepmoms will be there.  Cliff note version: DRAMA!!!  I just know that I want to have my dad in my life and at my wedding, and if the total package includes his wife, then I kind of do have to suck it up and let him bring his wife.  I know you don't want to upset your father, especially because of his health, but if you can just put him in charge of keeping his wife in check, that's the only thing you can really do.  Maybe your sister/bridesmaid can keep an eye out for her too, so che can't sabotage anything in any way.  It's SO NOT WORTH being angry about it the whole day.  IT'S YOUR DAY!  If possible, just pretend she's a ghost, crashing the party, and you don't have to even acknowledge her presence.  Let other people worry about her.  If you dwell on the negative aspects about her being there, it may show in your face in the pictures, and you definitely don't want that.  Mucho knottie vibes adn hugs, and I hope that you'll start to feel a little better.

kaesha

I know it sucks, but it's true, you're just going to have to deal with her there. It's his wife so it's a package deal unfortunately. What you do is ignore her, pretend she doesn't exist and don't give her that kind of power - where her presence could ruin your day - that's how I deal with my crappy-ass students!

kwippy

It goes to show, you really can't choose who your family is   I will tell you that you really won't notice certain people at your wedding and if you have someone to look out for her to mitigate her typical behavior, then you should be golden.   I hope she doesn't act out at your wedding, but it will make HER look silly more than you.  You are the queen of the day and all eyes will be on you anyhow.  Good Luck.

kjane12

I feel your pain and stress! My fiance has his mom remarried to the guy who caused the divorce of his parents. And she plans to bring him. This would literally be the first time my fiance's dad comes face to face with him. They haven't even been in the same room together. In fact, my fiance and I don't even like the guy. He hasn't been a part of our lives at all, and when he is, he's just awful. My fiance is begging his mom not to bring him, but she's resisting, and saying that she doesn't want people asking where her husband is that day. Yeah right, no one will notice he's not there -- and even if they did, guests aren't rude enough to ask considering they know the messy history behind them. Sorry I don't have any advice - we're in our own sucky situation, too.

jaymers99

Sounds like she will be there no matter what, so you should suck it up, but try not to be upset the whole day.  If you're not important to her, then she's not worth your time and energy.  Don't waste your energy or stress yourself out over her.  Just think...you're Cinderella, and at the end of the day, you'll have your Prince Charming and fairy tale ending...evil step-mother and all 

maui2011

Don't give her that kind of power over you...it's too bad your father does not want to listen to you...it doesn't make sense for her to be there but if that's what your father wants then there's not much that you can do except to ignore her...if you don't want her in your pics have a BM or family member point her out to your photographer/videographer and give them a no photo list...some photos she may be a part of but maybe the photog can cut her out of the shot...just take one pic with her and you dad and try to exclude her from the rest.  Hang in there...i'm so sorry you have to go through this. J.

inamra

Wow, that's tough =( It might be a hard spot to get out of b/c she IS your dad's wife. But with just one measly person out of the many close family and friends that you enjoy being around, I don't think you'll really notice her at all. Just forget about her and you can probably even request pictures of just you and your dad (just father & daughter) and maybe even work something out with your photographer to try to avoid shots with her in it (as much as possible).Also, I don't think she'll do anything bad/mean b/c your dad's there and you mentioned that in the past, when she treated you badly, it was always when your dad is gone. And it's your wedding day, so I think she would know much it means to your dad and I think she would be stupid to do anything to jeopardize anything related to your big day. Good luck and hang in there. So sorry you're in this situation =(