Hawaii

CANCELLING OUR WEDDING...

Last night, I booked our honeymoon cruise to the caribbean.  Yes, I wanted a european cruise instead but FI wouldn't settle for anything but Indigo. This past few months, we've been trying to put money down for our first home.  But each time, we feel like we've reached a starting point, another deposit has to be done or another vendor needs to be paid.  So...this morning, I said, why not cancel our DW wedding and have a surprise wedding here?!?! We are friends with a manager of a restaurant here. The restaurant has a beautiful rooftop in Santa Monica. We can invite people for an engagement brunch and have a short and sweet ceremony right then and there.

I never wanted a fancy wedding...thats why i wanted to go to hawaii. All i wanted was our families there. Times are tough right now. FI and I are lucky to be in stable fields...but for our families, it's not so great. So is it wrong of me to present this idea to my FI? would it be wrong of me to do this now?? we are still  6 months out.

Re: CANCELLING OUR WEDDING...

  • edited December 2011
    Theresa: I don't think there's anything wrong with switching gears and choosing a wedding that feels right and natural for you as a couple. I've always loved the idea of a surprise wedding. It will certainly be a memorable experience for your friends and family. What did FI think of the idea?

    As long as you don't mind losing the deposits you've paid and as long as you're both on the same page, it sounds like it would be easier on family and would give you the flexibility to travel and get your house. Just my two cents.
  • mauidandymauidandy member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree....if it sounds like something you're both ok with, as long as nobody has already paid for their plane tickets and hotel room, I say go for it! I saw a surprise wedding once that had been pulled together in a week, and it was so cute and so much fun, the guests were thrilled!! Good luck, I know how you feel- times are tough.
    andrea and ryan . june 2010 . maui.olowalu
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  • edited December 2011
    That would be soooo fun! I can just imagine showing up for a friend's "engagement party", and then realizing I'm actually there for a wedding - it would be a blast and something I'd never forget. I'd say, go for it (if, as mauidandy points out, no one has spent money on tickets, etc. yet!) You're right, times are still hard for a lot of people. Besides that, you'll still get your amazing honeymoon, and since it's all about the two of you's relationship anyways....

    If your intuition is leading you that way, it will end up alright, and you'll be glad later that you were being responsible and considerate of others' situations.
  • edited December 2011
    I think 6 months out is plenty of time to change course. If you guys are really struggling with the DW there is no need for added stress. I would love to show up to an engagement party and be surprised to a wedding -- like Andrea, I remember a blog post last year about a couple who was able to pull off a surprise wedding in a week. It looked so awesome! If your FI agrees and you will not lose out on too many wedding deposits, and no one has really booked their flights yet, you should definitely go for it!
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  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    So long as your guests aren't losing money they may have paid in deposits, I think it's fine to change gears.  We have more than a few guests who've paid deposits on their condos, so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this unless we had something catastrophic happen.
  • edited December 2011
    Whatever you decide, don't be a stranger here!
  • ETweetETweet member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think this is an amazingly fun idea for a wedding. I completely understand where you are coming from. The demands of paying for a wedding and wanting to purchase your first home can leave you feeling torn. (We just met with our broker today who said we can't touch our wedding account until we close on our house, but can't close until after the wedding. Hmmm... no idea how we are going o pay our vendors now.)
    I think that if this idea is truly something you would be ok in doing you should definately bring it up to FI. Who knows, maybe he has been thinking the same type of thing but just hasn't brought it up believing you had your heart set on Hawaii.
    Either way you decide, I hope you still come back to visit us here!
    Good Luck on your decision!
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  • edited December 2011
    i think if thats what makes sense for u and ur honey...do it...a surprise wedding...how fun...
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the girls...you have to do what's best for you and i think a surprise wedding would be so cute! :)  it'll stun everyone.  Loosing the deposits might just be the hard part but having everyone there sounds like it's more important to you.  I agree with alyson..whatever you decided don't be a stranger :)  good luck with making a decision :)
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    Todd & Cari
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  • elaineNgeneelaineNgene member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Theresa, I agree with everyone.  If none of your guests have purchased their tickets yet, then now would be a great time to switch gears and have an intimate, local wedding.  The only problem I foresee, would be "how to have a surprise wedding before anyone else decides to purchase their airfare and lodging for the wedding they think is still happening in Hawaii", you know?  I think the surprise wedding idea is AWESOME, but how do you pull it off in a way so that nobody knows, and nobody makes unnecessary travel plans?

    In any case, I think you and Chris might love this idea even more than Hawaii.  You'll be able to have your loved ones at your wedding, you'll be saving money for a new home, and you'll still be able to enjoy a tropical honeymoon.  Everything will work out for the best.
  • edited December 2011
    Theresa, I can totally relate. Times are tough for many people which why we didn't ask anyone to join us.  If none of your family and friends have booked their airline tickets, I say go for it.  I think it would be a really fun surprise.
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