Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

thank-you note question

We're trying to finish up our thank-you notes and I'm not quite sure what to say on a few. There were some people who came who didn't bring a gift, which is totally fine and expected with the economny, personal situations, etc. I know how I want to express our thanks for them coming to the wedding, but there are a couple I'm not just quite so sure on. I really hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I was really surprised that a couple of them didn't bring gifts because, well, they are the type to make sure they bring a really nice gift, just from past experience. Again, NOT an issue if they didn't, I just realize it's a possibility that they DID bring a gift and that it somehow got misplaced or lost in the shuffle or something and I don't want to be rude for NOT acknowledging a gift in their thank-you note.
Am I making any sense? Do I just send them a kind thank-you note indicating that we were glad they could be part of the celebration and not acknowledge a gift and risk coming across as rude for not acknowleding it? Or do I just not worry about it and let them inquire about whether we received their gift if in fact they did bring one? I am obviously going to send the thank-you, I'm just not sure if there is some etiquette here that I'm not aware of. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
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Re: thank-you note question

  • kristigileskristigiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've been wondering the exact same thing....
    I'm interested to see what other ladies have to say!
    August 14, 2010 image*PLANNING* *MARRIED*
  • maybe984maybe984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just thank them for coming. Any mention or reference to them NOT bringing a gift would be... quite frankly... uber rude; regardless of whether or not you anticipated that they would.

    Also, keep in mind that the rules of etiquette allow for people to give you a present within a year of the wedding. They may be planning on getting you something, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. If you send them a thank-you that references the lack of a gift, they may be put off by your presumption and scrap their plans of buying you a present later.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_thank-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:6418ef9d-d3f1-434c-9a4a-dea71a876f32Post:fbe0f6d8-a247-462e-a772-72a1a3af98ac">thank-you note question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do I just send them a kind thank-you note indicating that we were glad they could be part of the celebration and not acknowledge a gift and risk coming across as rude for not acknowleding it? Or do I just not worry about it and let them inquire about whether we received their gift if in fact they did bring one?
    Posted by Izzygrim[/QUOTE]

    <div>Option 2! :) <span style="line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">I think thanking them for their presence and not mentioning anything about gifts would prompt most people to inquire if you had received their gift. I just read an article about this very topic this week but cannot find the link for the life of me!</span></div>
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  • wittyschaffywittyschaffy member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank them for celebrating your day with you and don't mention the gift thing.  I've been married almost a year and still don't have my gift from my parents!  (My dad is hand making a jewelry wardrobe thing.  I've seen a little bit of it in the making, it is going to be GORGEOUS)
  • IzzygrimIzzygrim member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_thank-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:6418ef9d-d3f1-434c-9a4a-dea71a876f32Post:c1419198-5d2c-4ee2-b3f6-7abc9077383e">Re: thank-you note question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just thank them for coming. Any mention or reference to them NOT bringing a gift would be... quite frankly... uber rude; regardless of whether or not you anticipated that they would. Also, keep in mind that the rules of etiquette allow for people to give you a present within a year of the wedding. They may be planning on getting you something, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. If you send them a thank-you that references the lack of a gift, they may be put off by your presumption and scrap their plans of buying you a present later.
    Posted by maybe984[/QUOTE]
    Thanks ladies! That's what I was thinking, but just wanted to make sure that I wasn't missing some weird etiquette rule.
    Just to clarify, I was not thinking even for a second of mentioning the lack of a gift, on no planet is that okay!
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  • maybe984maybe984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, I also wanted to mention... even if you sent them a "thank you for coming!" make sure you send them another thank you if they send you a gift a few weeks/months later. I've been the late gift-giver many times, and I am always quite offended when it receives zero acknowledgement. One time, I even asked someone "Oh, did you get my present?" to which they responded "Yeah, and I was going to send a thank you... but we had run out of the cards... so um... thanks!" Apparently my Waterford Crystal vase wasn't worth running out to Walgreen's and buying a TY card for ;-)
  • edited December 2011
    I would send a Thank You for coming. If they get offended that you didn't acknowledge a gift they will most likely bring it up and then you can address it by saying we never received one.

    My DOC who is also a family friend said you wouldnt believe how many people steal things at weddings. She has been to at least 6 were things go missing- From candle holders, to place card holders, and even gifts. So it is possible they was a thief in the midst. LoL
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