Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Who are you inviting to your rehearsal dinner?

Because we are having a larger wedding, we wanted to keep our rehearsal dinner smaller-just immediate family and those actually taking part in the wedding-musicians (who are our friends), readers....we aren't having a bridal party.  We want the RD to be the time that we get to spend with our close friends and family since we know that the day of is going to be hectic and we will be pulled in every direction.

We were asked by one of my aunts why they weren't invited and I told her this reason and she told me that when her daughter, my cousin, was married they invited all of their OOT guests.  If we were to do that, it would basically be our entire guest list! We have many people, friends and family, that live across the country. I might add that they had their RD at the Nicollet Island Pavillion.  We aren't working with that kind of budget.

My mom is throwing a 'family dinner' for my aunts and uncles, cousins, kids...etc two nights before the wedding.  We are also planning on doing either a boat cruise or river cruise on Saturday (our wedding is on a Sunday). 

I guess I was just taken aback that she would ask that of me, and we are having a 'family' dinner as well as a reception and they are invited to a gift opening.  Am I completely wrong in thinking this is enough and that it is ok to not invite them to the RD??

Re: Who are you inviting to your rehearsal dinner?

  • LittleSweetieLittleSweetie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We just invited those participating + their SO's/families. 

    If you want to appease your OOT guests, you could let them know where you'll be after dinner if they'd like to spend the latter half of the evening with you.
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  • edited December 2011
    I was just surfing through previous posts and realized I had posted on a post that asked this same question.  So I guess I answered my own question.Tongue out
  • shameless_adshameless_ad member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We have the same thing - if we invited all of the OOT guests, we'd basically be having our wedding reception two nights in a row.  It just doesn't work for us, our budget, or the space.  We are only inviting the people actually involved in the rehearsal and their significant others.

    Planning my wedding has taught me, better than anything else in my life, that you can't please all of the people all of the time.  Someone is going to think you're doing it wrong, no matter what you do.  So do what works for you and your fiance, and ignore the criticism.  (oh, if I could only take my own advice!)
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  • edited December 2011
    Totally agree with shameless. As hard as it is to hear all the critiques, you have to ultimately focus on what is best for you. We're already having a big wedding reception and would like the rehearsal dinner to be more intimate and chill before the big day. Sorry other people are making you feel like that's not ok :-(
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  • drdifabiodrdifabio member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree - we are not doing OOT guests as after everyone that needs to be there (readers, musicians, BP, parents, grandparents) are there we have already gotten to a 50 person guest list. if we invited OOT guests we would be closer to 80. They might be some questions from those OOT guest but for the most part everyone knows Joe and I are paying and just dont want to throw 2 big parties back to back. We want our RD to be smaller and I think 50 is still really big so I wasnt going over that number. I would def stick with what you want and hopefully your aunt will accept that. If not, maybe you can have your mom or dad (whoever's sister she is) talk to her about it.
  • edited December 2011
    We're having just the wedding party and their dates/families, and our parents, which will come out to 22 people or so, with 8 of them being kids.  Still no idea where it'll be, since FMIL hasn't volunteered to host it yet and my FI and I have no intention of paying for it and I'm not about to ask my parents since they're already shelling out for the reception.

    SSMinny79, don't let your aunt make you feel bad for not doing anything wrong.  If all your OOT family isn't involved in the rehearsal, don't feel bad for not inviting them.  It's not exactly cheap and you shouldn't be on the hook to entertain them for more than the wedding/reception.
  • edited December 2011
    Your aunt needs to take a pill. It's not standard to invite all the OOT guests - each wedding is different. My sister did, but that's because she had a destination wedding (it was a super-casual BBQ). I've been to plenty of OOT weddings and have yet to be invited to an RD as a regular guest.

    We're inviting our wedding party (includes siblings), parents, grandparents and all of their significant others/spouses. My FMIL is also inviting her sisters, because that's what's done in their family and it would cause major dramz if we didn't include them. But our 100-ish OOT guests? Heck no.

    It sounds like you have thoughtful reasons for your current intimate RD guest list - don't let your aunt guilt you into something you're uncomfortable with. She will be included in multiple events, and for that she should be grateful!
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