Photog Advice Needed (Long... like my posts usually are...)

maybe984

So, my aunt is freelance photographer and has been for years. In fact, it was actually a picture that she took of me when I was 4 years old that landed her work in her local paper in South Carolina that she now works with quite regularly. She still gives me a ton of the credit for her freelance career, which I think is a little silly but very sweet.

Because of this, I knew from the get-go that she would want to take a lot of pictures at my wedding. So, I figured I would ask if she wanted to cover the reception and I could just hire a non-related professional to cover the ceremony and some posed family/WP portraits. So, I researched local photogs to see who would do a smaller, inexpensive package for this and discovered that Sarah Ciccone would do it for $450. Perfect.

Well, I had talked with my mom about this... and she kind of jumped the gun and decided to ask my aunt to take ALL of the pictures... forgetting all about the second photog part. My aunt said yes, and asked for $350 to pay for expenses and whatnot. I am mostly fine with this, but am still a little concerned.

If I book with Sarah, I also get a free engagement session. An engagement session alone would end up being almost as much as Sarah's asking for my current ceremony+portrait time frame. Plus, relying solely on out-of-state family makes me nervous. What if she misses her flight or comes down with something and can't make the trip? Too many things could go wrong.

The issue is, I don't know whether she really WANTS to do the entire wedding or if she was just being nice. Would she be relieved if I ask "hey, do you just want to do the reception?" or would she think I was trying to blow her off? Should I go with my gut and try to hire both... or just give in and let my aunt do it all? If I go with my gut, do I have my mom talk to my aunt... or should I take the reigns now?

Bimbi284

Oooh...this is tough. It sounds like you and your aunt already had an agreement, and then your mom sorta talked to her thinking something else, is that correct? It sounds like a communication issue more than anything. If I were you, I would want my mom to talk to auntie since she was the one that got things confused. She could easily explain exactly what happened, saying that she hadn't realized you and auntie had already figured out a plan. I think that going with your gut makes a lot of sense, and I TOTALLY agree with the whole OOT thing and the fact that something could get in the way of her getting here. 

beka0404

Could you frame it like you want to treat her to just enjoying the ceremony? Like, it's her turn to be a guest and not a photographer? I think you should trust your gut - mostly because who knows what could happen, and you wouldn't be under contract with your own aunt. If there was an illness or emergency, scrambling the week-of to find a photographer would be a nightmare.

I say take the reins on communication, that way you can control the message. (If it were my mom, there would be a chance that the message I want portrayed is not the message that gets portrayed - my mom is an overapologizer/overexplainer.)

Liberty27

I would be nervous to have a family member do something that is so important for two reasons.  1) If she is taking photos she won't be able to concentrate on the ceremony/reception herself, and enjoy it.  And 2) Although I am sure you Aunt is an awesome photographer, what if something goes wrong?  You won't have any legal recourse, and it could potentially upset your family.

As far as the problem goes, have your mom talk to your aunt and apologize jumping the gun, and tell her that YOU will be the person communicating with her in the future.

Qston

I agree, you need to take over communication here. I think its totally fine to tel your aunt that you already had lined up someone for the ceremony and the family pics, so that your aunt can 1) enjoy the ceremony with the rest of the fam 2) be in some of the family pics (make sure you do a couple larger family shots, so this proves true- even if it wasn't your original plan!) Or tell her she's welcome to take pics for the ceremony and posed shots but that you hired a photographer to take those so that you can be bossy about all those shots with someone you don't know personally without feeling bad, because its their job that you have hired them to do. I think its a totally legitimate reason to hire a pro, and as one, your aunt should understand this.

But ditto PP, you should talk to your aunt, not your Mom, so that the message is relayed however you want it to sound, and no chance that it gets watered down.

veijes

I agree with Beka, tell your aunt that you want her to enjoy your wedding day and by having a non family member do the ceremony and portraits, she will be able to enjoy herself. She can still take pics at the ceremony if she would like to, I don't see anything wrong with that, but having a professional that is in town will help calm your nerves, plus I have heard good things about Sarah Ciccone. Then you will have them edited and sent to you soon as well (I'm sure your aunt would do that but it would be neat to have two different "artists" capture your day).

maybe984

Okay. It sounds like all of you are on the same wavelength as I am, so I'm glad to know I'm not just being weird.

Everyone's split on whether I should talk to her, or my mom should... and everyone has good arguments for both. This is, by far, the trickiest part. The thing is, I have yet to talk to my aunt about this at all, actually. My mom has done this a couple of times so far with our family. We'll talk about my uncle (who's a minister) officiating the wedding, or two of my cousins (a violinist and a pianist) playing the ceremony music... and she'll get on the phone and talk to them before I've even really decided. I know it's just because she's excited, but I feel like it's making me look incompetent.

I think it's going to be super awkward... but I think I just have to suck it up and make a phone call. Well, a few phone calls, actually.

debbieupper

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_photog-advice-needed-long-like-posts-usually?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:9340bb35-c1c9-4865-800a-8dc0150aa5ccPost:3c34fe39-19be-4916-910d-2b7615eff618">Re: Photog Advice Needed (Long... like my posts usually are...)</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom has done this a couple of times so far with our family. We'll talk about my uncle (who's a minister) officiating the wedding, or two of my cousins (a violinist and a pianist) playing the ceremony music... and she'll get on the phone and talk to them before I've even really decided. I know it's just because she's excited, but I feel like it's making me look incompetent. 
Posted by maybe984[/QUOTE]

<div>My FMIL is exactly like this, and we're having to do a lot of awkward calls, too. But it is what it is. For what it's worth, I think you should talk to your mom FIRST to make it clear to her what your plan is. Then discuss with her or tell her your plan, and THEN go talk to your aunt (or have her do it).</div>

Bimbi284

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_photog-advice-needed-long-like-posts-usually?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:9340bb35-c1c9-4865-800a-8dc0150aa5ccPost:3c34fe39-19be-4916-910d-2b7615eff618">Re: Photog Advice Needed (Long... like my posts usually are...)</a>:
[QUOTE] The thing is, I have yet to talk to my aunt about this at all, actually. 
Posted by maybe984[/QUOTE]

<div>Ohhhh...ok. I had understood that you had already had an agreement with your aunt. I agree with Debbie then in that you should FIRST have nice talk with your mom about your plans and clarify that from now on, you will be making any calls to family about things like this (I had to do the same with my mom). THEN you should give your aunt a call and explain the situation. Just be honest in saying that you and your mom had discussed it, but there was a misunderstanding as it had not been finally decided. In her excitement and eagerness to help, mom called auntie to ask her even though you hadn't decided on anything yet. Then explain to her your plans and perhaps ask her if she would still like to take some pictures at the reception or whatever and then go from there. Another option would be to have her be your photographer for your rehearsal dinner!</div>

Katiemahler

Unfortunately, suck it up and make the calls. Though, first, I'd have a talk with your mom. Let her know that going forward you would like to discuss all things with the family/vendors and let her know that she has put you in a few tough spots. I think she will realize what she did and feel pretty bad. It's best for you to communicate with everyone that way you are on the same page with whoever your vendor is. Good luck - tough spot to be in!