Children at rehearsal

honeybear25

Hi!
I hope everyone's planning has been great. So here is my problem/issue.  My fiance has a brother who has five children.  The younger one is one of our flower girls.  He is also my fiance's groomsman. (one of four). We are paying almost all of our wedding costs ourselves but grooms family has decided they can afford to throw the rehearsal dinner.  Wonderful right? well the brother with children is known for taking advantage of anything free and the parents are quite aware of this and have stated they do not want children at the dinner after the rehearsal.  How in the world would you word this on your invite without being quite rude?  They are not at all etiquette friendly so jusy writing adult names on the invite would mean squat to them.  I don't want to step on toes but the children in reference are quite naughty and will no doubt be misbehaving and taking the attention off of the people it should be on.  I'm by no means an attention whore but it is a bit about us ya know? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!!! The wedding is in November so I know I jhave time but I would like to chack it off the never ending list.
bride in savage
sorry if this is a repost computer has been a bit stressed I feel

shameless_ad

I know some other people have been wondering how to word RSVPs so that it's clear children are not invited.  The best suggestion I've seen is to write "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" and then write the names of the people.

If that doesn't work, my other suggestion would be to have FI or FMIL tell the brother very bluntly that the children are not invited to the dinner.

amyreyn1028

Is the flowergirl attending the actual rehearsal?  If so, I don't think you can tell them that they need to come to the rehearsal, but not the dinner.  Just my opinion though.

hkiesling

I agree with amyreyn.  The rehearsal dinner is a thank you to those participating in the wedding.  It's not much of a thank you to the GM to make him have to find a babysitter (assuming his spouse is invited) for the rehearsal.  And the flowergirl should be thanked as well.  Being in a wedding is a very big deal for a little girl.  She's probably been practicing walking for a couple of months and getting very excited about the whole day (pretty dress, flowers, feeling all princessy).  Kind of a buzz kill to get stuck with a babysitter for the night.  It's also really important that she be at the rehearsal, as you'll want to give her a few practice walks down the aisle before the big day.

I'm not sure how you can get out of inviting everyone without sounding rude.  Sorry.

KittE7

Right. If FI's bro & his daughter are in the WP & they'll be at the rehearsal, then it makes sense to have them at dinner.  FI"s parents are hosting it, so if they don't want their grandkids at the RD, they should deal with the parents directly. 

If these kids are prone to misbehave... well,  a formal dinner with wine & adult chatter & speeches may not be the best environment for them.  FMIL/FFIL should point this out & ask if bro even wants to bring his kids - it won't be fun for them.  And if he wants to bring them anyway, don't fight it, just set up a kids' table (size appropriate) with books and trucks.  My MoH had a kids' corner at her RD & we barely noticed there were some kids there.  HTH

LittleSweetie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_children-rehearsal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:af4d61d0-ea0f-487b-9d81-45fc4c7eea7bPost:10fa18f2-1eb2-41f2-8b7d-bce5bcc7d599">Re: Children at rehearsal</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with amyreyn.  The rehearsal dinner is a thank you to those participating in the wedding.  It's not much of a thank you to the GM to make him have to find a babysitter (assuming his spouse is invited) for the rehearsal.  And the flowergirl should be thanked as well.  Being in a wedding is a very big deal for a little girl.  She's probably been practicing walking for a couple of months and getting very excited about the whole day (pretty dress, flowers, feeling all princessy).  Kind of a buzz kill to get stuck with a babysitter for the night.  It's also really important that she be at the rehearsal, as you'll want to give her a few practice walks down the aisle before the big day. I'm not sure how you can get out of inviting everyone without sounding rude.  Sorry.
Posted by hkiesling[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ditto - it is rude to have them at the rehearsal but say the kids/rest of the family can't come to the RD.  Plus, you'll need to "deal with" these kids at the wedding anyways - maybe being at the RD will smack (figuratively!!) them into shape for the big day.</div><div>
</div><div>I should add that we had almost an exact situation - BIL was a GM, his step-daughter was our FG, and they have 4 other kids too.  The kids were dead tired towards the end of the night - it may not be as terrible having them there as you think it might be.

</div>

janderson

I don't understand why this is your problem.  Can't FI's parents deal with their own son and his family?!  I mean, they are THEIR grandkids for heaven's sake!

If they don't want to treat their grandkids to dinner, that's their choice... but I don't see why it should be up to their future daughter-in-law to get in the middle.

Kids can be a challenge at adult events.. but you chose to open that door when you decided to have a child in the wedding. 

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_children-rehearsal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:af4d61d0-ea0f-487b-9d81-45fc4c7eea7bPost:2091ae56-e3f3-4066-a428-f9600b4fbfd0">Children at rehearsal</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I hope everyone's planning has been great. So here is my problem/issue.  My fiance has a brother who has five children.  The younger one is one of our flower girls.  He is also my fiance's groomsman. (one of four). We are paying almost all of our wedding costs ourselves but grooms family has decided they can afford to throw the rehearsal dinner.  Wonderful right? well the brother with children is known for taking advantage of anything free and the parents are quite aware of this and have stated they do not want children at the dinner after the rehearsal.  How in the world would you word this on your invite without being quite rude?  They are not at all etiquette friendly so jusy writing adult names on the invite would mean squat to them.  I don't want to step on toes but the children in reference are quite naughty and will no doubt be misbehaving and taking the attention off of the people it should be on.  I'm by no means an attention whore but it is a bit about us ya know? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!!! The wedding is in November so I know I jhave time but I would like to chack it off the never ending list. :) bride in savage sorry if this is a repost computer has been a bit stressed I feel :)
Posted by honeybear25[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You can't have the flower girl at the rehearsal and then send her home without supper. That is <em>rude</em>.

</div>

leggwilliams

I agree. Obviously this is a big no no and it's awkward that FI's family is putting you in the middle of this. If they want to push this etiquette faux pas then they should deal with it. Good luck!