Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

If you could do it all again....

Would you have a more simple wedding or more extravagent wedding? I thought about it yesterday while doing invites--I really wish I would have put my foot down and requested a smaller/more intimate wedding. I feel like having a church wedding makes people assume you're having a larger wedding.

Re: If you could do it all again....

  • edited December 2011
    Definitely wish I would have done something smaller/more intimate.  The whole planning process was so stressful with sooo many tasks and so many people to try to please and people speaking up about what they didn't like etc.  Plus it was so much money and during the actual wedding I found myself constantly apologizing to everyone when they would leave, for not really getting a chance to visit with them much/at all.  Every time I got a drink and tried to sit down with someone I seemed to be needed somewhere else, I spent very little time with DH and when everything was said and done I couldn't believe how much money, time and energy went in to a single day.  I feel like the day would have been a lot more special if we had done something smaller, more about us than everyone else.
  • wittyschaffywittyschaffy member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lol - I would have taken the money and run!  My parents graciously paid for almost everything.  From the get go, they told us that we could plan our day any way we wanted to but if we decided that the way we wanted was to go get married on a beach somewhere or see a judge, they'd give us the $ they would have spent. 

    I felt like we had to have the full deal because DH is an only child but it was his family who ended up griping about us holding it on duck opener and subsequently decided not to come.  If we had taken the money, our house would be remodeled and my remaining mortgage balance would be half what it is now.
  • maybe984maybe984 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly? I would have done the same all over again (big wedding but not over-the-top). I just would have started planning more than 7 months in advance and would have spent more time convincing OOT family to get off their butts and come to the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    Smaller for sure, part of me wishes we would have done a Destination Wedding but it would have been impossible for David unless over Christmas Break.

    Check back when its over though... I mean change my mind. :)
  • edited December 2011
    I regret already the amount of money it costs.  Like PP said we were given a set amount of money from our parents (a very generous amount) and we could have it for the wedding and whatever we didn't use was ours to keep.  Blah.  With the size of FI's family we were going to have to have a large guest list.  My philosophy has been if we are going to haev this many people coming we better throw a good party. I wish I didn't feel that way.
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  • jmkaiserjmkaiser member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I haven't even had the day yet and I'm already regretting. Obviously I'm over the moon about getting married but I wish we could have gone smaller. I think a large part of me did it for my sister--she has told me that she regrets not having a large wedding with everyone around you but there has been so much drama around this large wedding that I really wish it would be small and intimate.
  • drdifabiodrdifabio member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Size wise, I actually dont think I would have done it any differently.
    We kept our guest list to only people WE knew and loved (not say our parents friends) and it was a great size for us at 162 guests. We did have to be pretty picky to get to that point though but I wouldnt have wanted it any smaller.
  • Sarahsue1684Sarahsue1684 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So far I would do what I am doing now....I see it this way everything will work itself out. I havent run into any major problems, a few bumps but that is to be expected. Cant complain here.
  • brink131brink131 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've actaully been thinking about this a lot lately. I really wish we would have gone smaller, more intimate. A casual backyard deal or just immediate family and a few close friends at a nice destination. I totally feel like the whole wedding has snowballed and gotten larger and more formal than I am comfortable with. But I kind of felt like this was the wedding my parents were expecting, even though, like others, they gave us the money and told us to do with it what we pleased, even if that was eloping. And to be fair, I thought it was the wedding I wanted at the start too, it's just the further I get into it the more doubts I'm having.

    I don't know. I was talking to FI about it last night and he pointed out that it's one of those "grass is always greener on the other side" deals. You only get to plan one type of wedding, so you're always going to wonder what it would have been like if you had done it differently. If we had planned a small wedding, I would probably be lamenting the fact that I didn't get to have all the fancy flowers and the showers and all the bells and whistles. It's too late to change anything at this point, so I just have to try to forget about all the other possibilities and focus on being happy with what we've got.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_could-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:c5607a47-0b0f-477a-9ce6-332ab2bf74fePost:af8cd45d-5a5a-4bc6-8336-27fece1fbaeb">Re: If you could do it all again....</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't know. I was talking to FI about it last night and he pointed out that it's one of those "grass is always greener on the other side" deals. You only get to plan one type of wedding, so you're always going to wonder what it would have been like if you had done it differently. If we had planned a small wedding, I would probably be lamenting the fact that I didn't get to have all the fancy flowers and the showers and all the bells and whistles. It's too late to change anything at this point, so I just have to try to forget about all the other possibilities and focus on being happy with what we've got.
    Posted by brink131[/QUOTE]

    This. Exactly. Couldn't have said it better myself. :)
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  • tpender13tpender13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think we'd do anything differently. We had about 70 people -- immediate family and friends. It would've been nice to have extended family there, but that would have at least tripled, if not quintupled (is that a word?) our guest list. That would've been more money and stress that either of us cared to deal with.
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  • edited December 2011
    I would never change a thing about our wedding day! It was magical! I will never forget that day and the way I felt the WHOLE day. I mean having a smaller wedding wouldn't have changed my happiness on our day but I will never regret the way our wedding was or change anything about it. And I would say it was worth every penny, drop of sweat, and tear put into it.

    I agree with PP, the grass is always greener on the other side. I originally wanted a destination wedding or a small intimate wedding but I figured there was an easier way to regret those two choices rather than having a regular (250 people) traditional wedding.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, As long as I'm laughing with you" Planning Bio image
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  • edited December 2011
    My only regret was letting my MIL pressure me into inviting people that she wanted there - it would have reduced our guest list by 10% or so had I put my foot down (and so technically,I would do it differently by having a smaller wedding). Other than that, I don't think I'd do much differently. Though I had originally wanted a simple farm wedding, we wound up far fancier but overall our day was flippin' awesome.

    Also, brink131's comment about the grass being greener? WORD.
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  • edited December 2011
    I would go to the courthouse.  I feel like we might just decide to do that and cancel the destination elopement we've been talking about and planning.

    We have just so much going on other than the wedding that it doesn't seem right to have a large event.  I would love to see family and spend the day on myself and FI and DS, but for a $15k price tag it's just not worth it.

    We had a pretty casual engagement, we were a team and asked each other (because FI got nervous poor guy), and chose my ring together, so we'll have a pretty casual wedding. 

    I think after 15 years of putting on costumes and being in the performing arts I got burned out.  The thought of wearing a wedding dress makes me feel super awkward, as does spending $75 to get my hair done that day.  I used to do all my own hair and makeup for performances, and spent enough $$ in the past on costumes too.

    I just really want to sign the papers and be a Mrs. already.  We already live together and have a child together, this is just the legal stuff really.  We could make a big deal out of it but idk.  I want a great house more than I want an awesome wedding.  And I want 3 more kids, and want to start on that asap.

    I feel terribly guilty about this because I know my parents want a big to-do, even though I know that's not what FI or I want.  We discussed it over lunch and we're both frustrated with trying to reach anyone to schedule the destination elopement...apparently the officiant didn't get my message about changing the date, so she's not available on the 9th, and I can't get ahold of anyone at the resort, so I'm ready to just go courthouse it.  

    I'm going to talk to my parents this weekend and let them know.  Not looking forward to it, but has to be done. 
  • edited December 2011
    I'd have done it mostly the same (ceremony exactly the same down to the letter), but would have planned for a smaller reception than we did.  Very few of H's OOT family showed up, and some of my family were no-shows, too.  I loved our mansion reception, but I honestly think it could have been nearly as nice to rent out a fancy restaurant and do away with the dancing.
  • flower_loverflower_lover member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We had about 80 guests at our wedding, and I thought that was absolutely perfect. With fewer guests we could afford nice dinner entrees, high quality wine, live music, and we didn't regret the price afterwards. We were able to talk to all of our guests, and really enjoyed the day.
  • Sara191431Sara191431 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To get some perspective from someone that is having a destination wedding.  We're getting married in Vegas, not having an at-home reception, our guest count will be about 40-50.  I will say I'm happy with that guest count, I'm 30 and FI's 32 and this size is perfect, anybody else beyond that guest list really do we ever talk to those people anymore, or are we that close to them, probably not.  Back when we were around 25ish and all our friends were having the big weddings, then I could see having more guests as we did talk to/see all those people more.

    We both love to travel and having a destination wedding, flying out to get married is exciting to me, add in our closest family and friends basically taking a vacation with us is fun. 

    Do I regret not having the big wedding, not really, at first a couple times I did cause we had the Landmark Center booked, and I love that place, but I never have those feelings now. To have the kind of wedding I'd want to have here would have costed us more but we're not running away with the bank or anything, but we are basically able to have the wedding/and honeymoon in Maui for about the same amount it would have been to just have the wedding here. We are also paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves too, so that plays a part as well.

    HOWEVER, destination weddings can get just as out of control and beyond your original budget just as easily as weddings here.  For example, we originally had a place on the strip booked for the ceremony, after I saw it in person though it was canceled and an off-strip golf course was booked for the ceremony, as I wanted something like I'd have back home.  Lost our deposit though.  Also, there's a lot of stuff we're going to have to ship out there, b/c I'm getting a tad bit obsessed with the little details:)  For example, these wooden hearts for the girls to stand on.  Yep that's right I'm shipping these heavy things out there, once my dad makes them:)




    So I think for a bride that is more go with the flow, doesn't care that much about the little details, is able to be ok with not having control over some things, a destination wedding is more so for them. 

    I think that if you wanted the smaller destination wedding, you probably would be doing it at this point.  There are pros and cons to both kinds of weddings.  Some of the responses though do remind me to make sure to take it all in more than once during our day, try to not let the day go so fast etc.

    Whew that was long, sorry for the book, happy planning!
  • Sara191431Sara191431 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh and there's other things that you do have no choice to miss out on sometimes, like my niece and nephew won't be coming out there and be our ring bearer and flower gilrl, which this part makes me very sad as I love them and really want them there in general, obviously completely understandable why my sister isn't bringing them.

    Also, now that I'm thinking about things that we do miss out on, there's always a chance that someone close to you won't be able to make it, due to financial reasons, or health situations etc.  Fingers crossed that won't be the case for us, but there is that chance!
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