NWR - Sister's 'in-laws' driving me crazy

shan87

So this is totally NWR. But my Sister had a beautiful Baby Boy 4 months ago. Since I didn't name her MOH she decided not have me be his Godmother. (Super drama- totally my sister though) Since his birth though we have grown a lot closer.

Anyways- I live an hour away from her so I don't get to see my Nephew a ton. I see him like every other week. My Sister and the Father are not married but they just bought a house so they are putting wedding plans on hold. Still He has 4 sisters that are totally stealing my lil nephew away claiming I don't care for him as much because I am out of town. Really ladies - Come on!

I'm trying to be super auntie since I have a lot of competition but How the heck do you deal with ppl like that?

tpender13

Are they really trying to "steal" your nephew, or are you just jealous that they get to see him more often? Do they make snotty comments in front of you?

Sister drama sucks (I've got plenty of my own) but the only thing you can do is let both your sister and your nephew know (even though he doesn't really know what's going on yet) that you're there for them and love them both.

shan87

Here is a little more back story. When my sister bought her house I was ending my lease at my former apt. in St. Paul. She really wanted me to move back home and live with her. But she wanted a lot in rent and I would have had at least 1.5 hr commute. So I declined the offer. I made a compromise and moved to the other side of the metro to make the commute back home easier and yet still be near work.

His sisters claim to be better sisters to my sister than me. Which I took a lot of offense too. They claim I had a chance to help her out and I didnt which makes me a terrible sister. My Sister is not a future planner and didn't line up child care for her son by the time she went back to work. So family members have been taking turns watching him during the week... I work PT and my work is kinda flexible so I offered to take either Fridays or Mondays since I could make a wknd of it and wouldn't have to drive up for just the day. Well Sister's FFIL has Mondays off already so that didn't work and his sister who is in town and stay at home mom will not give up Fridays. Which kinda annoyed me.
Since then they have ganged up and said if I really cared I would take tuesdays (My Mom takes Wes. and Step Mom take Thurs). I do care but with my Dog and all her junk traveling during the week and being back to work the next day is near impossible.

Stealing was not the appropriate word so perhaps Hogging him is perhaps a better fit. My Sister has been a good sport saving time for me. But lately his other Aunts have been planning more weekend events that they have to go to. Severely cutting into my time with him. I gave me sister my old Web Cam which has kinda helped. But I am moving across country after our Wedding so I want to get in as much face time as possible!!!

Should I just give up and make the trip during the week? Or is there another way to talk to them?

I Want Cake

My family is a little like this with my nephew, who's 7 now.  My brother and nephew's mom broke up shortly after my nephew was born, so now he's basically got 4 families he goes between: my parents (they have legal custody), his dad (my brother), his mom, and his mom's parents.  If I could see him as much as every other week, I'd be elated.  It seems to be once every month or two lately, and that's only because my brother sometimes drops him at my house for a couple hours if he's running errands and I'm home so he can play with our dog and visit for awhile.  If it were up to my parents (namely, Mom), I'd never get to see him except on holidays.  She's very posessive of him and hates when I want to visit, even though he loves seeing me and we always have a great time.

From what I can tell, you've offered up what you can do to help pitch in.  Is everyone else's schedule with him inflexible?  You gave them 2 choices, and if they can't make either one work, that's on them, not you.  You shouldn't have to bend over backwards to help, although it'd be incredibly generous if you did go during the week.  I've had 90 minute commutes (it's what happens when you live in the sticks and the only good jobs are far away), and it sucks, but once a week isn't undoable.  Some people do it every day.

Anyway, it's totally up to you.  Seeing him every other weekend is actually quite a bit, so nobody should feel like you're neglecting him or that you don't care.  You've got a life of your own.  Don't accept their guilt trip.

shan87

I want Cake! Thanks. haha I never saw it has a guilt trip but that is what they are doing!

Cascasbaby53

It's funny how out of hand that stuff can get. You being farther away doesn't mean a single thing. You love him and he loves you. period.

hkiesling

Geez, my nieces are over 5 hour away and I only get to see them a dozen times a year, but I still love them to pieces.  I think the bigger issue is why hasn't your sister lined up child care yet?  It sounds to me like her in laws are maybe having some of their own issues about having to do all this child care and are thinking that if you had just moved in than you would be live-in help and they wouldn't have to give up their time due to your sister's lack of planning.  I know this sounds snarky, but why should you be expected to drive 1.5 hours each way and give up one of your days of to watch her kid? You're an aunt, not a babysitter.  Yes, there is a difference.  Just my two cents.

shan87

haha Heahter you are so funny. My sister was hoping she could stay at home but her FI got laid off from his teaching position so she had to go back to work. Now it has turned into she only trusts family with her son. Those two lack of planning for the future is another issue in itself haha.

I'm glad there are other ppl that are further from their nieces and nephews! They were really starting to make me feel bad!

EmilyCMN

I am going through the same thing right now. My brother and his wife had a baby in June and my mother never gets to see him... My brother works nights, every other weekend so his schedule is weird but predictable. My SIL's family lives like 20 minutes away from my brother and SIL so they are over ther all the time!!! He is the first grand baby so everyone wants to have him.. My mother has gotten so mad at my brother because he won't drive the 1.5 hours to visit her but my mother refuses to drive out there to see them. I keep telling my mother they can't afford to drive out as much as she wants to see the baby; unless she hands them $20 every time they show up they can't afford to make the trek, my mother can! She always like to throw in the fact that my SIL's parents get to see them all the time because they are so close... well I had to tell my mother that I only live 20 minutes from her and she never visits me! This has been a hard lesson for her to learn but she complains about how my bro never calls or visits well, the only way I see my parents is if I call them, or stop through THEIR house!!

Family... I would say it sounds like your sister needs to wake up and smell some reality. She has a baby now and she needs to find daycare other than abusing family. The novelty of the new baby will wear off and she will find fewer and fewer people lining up to come help out. Don't feel guilty about it. Your nephew won't remember you right now anyway. Just treasure the time you do get with him and once he is old enough to remember you he will realize you are the stable one of the bunch and he will love you more for that! Don't let these other woman make you feel bad, life is too short for that.

EmilyCMN

Oh my mother also always thinks my SIL's sister hogs the baby. But she also never just goes and asks for him. Does it work to just go say "it's my turn"? That always works for me. I just say, you know I didn't drive out here to look at you, I came to see the baby, hand him over! Then when he cires or poops I give him back! It is awesome being an auntie!

tpender13

Shan, I don't think you're in the wrong here at all. I agree, they're laying a guilt trip on you to make themselves feel better.

You ladies are kinda making me feel bad. My sister and I aren't speaking right now, so I haven't seen her 4 kids since Christmas. And they live less than an hour away. I'm not torn up about it, either. But my family isn't really sentimental like that, I guess. Plus, I've given up putting effort into a relationship w/my sister when I get nothing in return. *shrug* 

I Want Cake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_nwr-sisters-laws-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:c603e461-f73f-4254-a400-2144f35bbfbdPost:2b7ee06d-a13c-4b4a-9210-c3e437cc86b4">Re: NWR - Sister's 'in-laws' driving me crazy</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my mother also always thinks my SIL's sister hogs the baby. But she also never just goes and asks for him. Does it work to just go say "it's my turn"? That always works for me. I just say, you know I didn't drive out here to look at you, I came to see the baby, hand him over! Then when he cires or poops I give him back! It is awesome being an auntie!
Posted by EmilyCMN[/QUOTE]

I have to do exactly the same thing if I want to see my nephew.  It feels like everyone else gets priority on the weekends because Sam lives with my parents, so it doesn't matter that my other brother and I rarely get any time with him.  If you want time, you have to demand they carve it out for you. 

But anyway, seeing Sam as a baby wasn't that big of a deal.  Yeah, babies are cute, but they don't really do much, they just lay there, eat, and poop.  But once Sam got to be 2, he got way more fun to play with, and you can have real experiences.  FI has a niece who's an infant and everyone fusses over her, but I don't see why.  It's their 4th kid and, to be completely honest, I'd rather not get spit up on if at all possible.  If I had it my way, I'd give birth to a toddler, not an infant.