Engaging the Fiance in Wedding Planning?

K10Byrd

Hi, I recently got engaged (Dec. 6th) and I've already done a lot of venue/budget research and have been asking the fiance what he likes and what he wants, etc. He's shown little interest in making decisions and that worries me!

My dad said men aren't supposed to care about the wedding details, so does that mean i am to make all the decsions on my own? I know I can invest the help of FMIl and FSIL, but I'll need fiance to help with big decisions of course.

How do you get them interested in making decisions???

Sarahsue1684

I think most fiance's are not interested. This is defiantley a girls dream. My FI doesnt really chime in on anything he basically goes with the flow. I always run things by him just so I know that i did ask and he always says you do whatever you like. I dont take offense to it all he does ask about things and says he's excited and cant wait to me that is being interested and excited. So I wouldnt be worried it is just a guy thing. My FI did have a great idea for dessert and we will be going with his idea. we also just has our food tasting and we both talked over what we wanted so he is involved but for the decorating and that stuff I think many guys could care less.

flower_lover

I made a list of the various things that have to be "planned", and asked my DH which ones he wanted to be involved in. The list had everything from dresses, flowers, invites, to food tasting, venue selection, etc.

There were some things he had no interest in, such as flowers, decorations, etc. I planned those myself or with family or friends. I figured there was no need to make him be involved in things he's not interested in.

FutureMrsSheeler

Involve him in the things he would be interested in, like cake tasting, and food tastings! Also have him help with decisions about alcohol, his side of the guest list, etc. My fiance has done really great with helping me decide on things like bridesmaid dresses, and decorations if I give him two pictures to look at and he picks which one he likes best. Also, have him pick out his tux/suit, tie and vest colors. I am sure he also would be very interested in helping plan/decide on where you would like to go for your honeymoon!

I Want Cake

My FI isn't really interested in a lot of the planning, either, just the big stuff.  There are some decisions that you do need to make jointly, like venues, budget, menu, cake, the bigger stuff.  But when it comes to DIY projects, invitations, flowers, and decorating I've been completely on my own because I'm the one who cares about it enough to put the work in.  He'll help with the stuff he can, like putting stuff on the computer, but the rest of it is all mine. 

To make sure my FI stays somewhat engaged in this whole process, I've assigned him tasks he'd be good at to appeal to his strengths.  He got our photographer (he's a friend of FI's, so it was the first decision we made because it was obvious), and he's going to book our limo and has to get the guys together for tuxes.  I'm probably a bad FI, but I've told him about some things "if we don't have this done on our wedding day, it'll be your fault!"  I'm hoping that's a clear enough threat he'll get his ass in gear if only to avoid pissing me off.

mzamanda1

Thank you for posting this!  I seriously felt that same way!  It's good to know it a "guy thing"!

meaganandchad

My FI has no interest in anything to do with the planning. I finally had a breakdown and told him I needed help. We laid out a list of everything that needed to be planned and he picked which would be more entertaining for him. He completely set up the DJ himself and he's even taken part in picking out the bridesmaids dresses and flowers. I think once you get him into something, he'll feel more like it's his too. Guys are supposed to let the women plan the wedding, it's planted into their heads!

As for...
"I'm probably a bad FI, but I've told him about some things "if we don't have this done on our wedding day, it'll be your fault!"  I'm hoping that's a clear enough threat he'll get his ass in gear if only to avoid pissing me off."

I have a white board that I write things for my FI on and I tell him to get them done or the wedding isn't going to be what I want. He jokes to everyone about it and says it's his board that ensures he'll have an enjoyable honeymoon!