The Univited.....

jmkaiser

I'm a little nervous that my cousins will bring their little ones to the wedding. While the invitations are just addressed to them, I'm pretty sure there will still be some assumptions.

Is there a way to tactfully let them know kids are not invited? Is it worth calling or e-mailing to say, "Invites have been sent but wanted to let those with kids know that cousins children are not invited....please find daycare"???

I'm not sure, I just want to make sure this is clear.

[Deleted User]

I would just try and spread the word through friends and family.   Are you having no kids at all, or just not some people's kids?

My friends and family knew it was adults only, and word was spread that way.  Although some people weren't sure and they asked if kids were invited, some assumed they could bring their kids but luckily they had mentioned something about it  in conversations and I was able to let them know it was adults only, and then I had one friend who I wasn't sure if she it was clear or not, so one day during a casual conversation I asked about her son (just how he was doing) and after she told me I responded and asked "Oh cool I am glad he is doing so well!  Who is watching him when you guys come to the wedding?"  ....Just in case 

graysquirrel

I agree with Kari-- make sure that it is being spread word of mouth. Moms & aunts are great for that. 

If they do end up RSVPing with children on the list, then I think that it is OK to call and let them know that due to space/budget restrictions (or whatever excuse), children are not being invited to the wedding. 

jmkaiser

The only kids that are officially invited are my neices and nephews and FI's one cousin's kids because they are flying in from out of state. Other than that we have made it clear no cousin's kids.

[Deleted User]

Are you having table assignments? 

I use to be under the impression that you could invite certain kids only.  Such as only neices/nephews, only OOT kids etc, but from what I learned on TK is that it's kind of an all or nothing thing... Like some guests may be offended if their kids don't "make the cut" on the invite list while other kids do. 

Now, I have been to weddings that stated "adults only" on the invitation and gotten there to find that several of their neices & nephews were there, and I personally was not offended at all, but weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people who seem to try and find any thing they can to complain about or be offended by about your wedding.  So if you do have some of the uninvited kids show up, don't make a big deal about it, it's not the end of the world since some kids will be there. 

For my wedding we had only the RB & FG there and then H's cousin who had a 2 week old baby and a few people brought it up after the wedding - asking "Who was that girl that brought her baby???"  I said that was H's cousin and she just had the baby 2 weeks ago.  I would never expect her to leave her nursing infant at home, and the baby slept the entire wedding and you didn't even know she was there.  Anyway, my point is expect some backlash for allowing some kids and not all.

wittyschaffy

I wouldn't call them unless they return their RSVP card for the family of 5 instead of 2.  Then you can call them and kindly inform them that their little angels are not included.  You can recruit your parents, aunt, uncle, grandma, etc to spread the word.  We had uninvited kids show up at ours.  I suspected it would be a problem because it had been for my sister's wedding a few months before mine and I just let our day of coordinator know about my fears and ask that they not bring out extra chairs, additional kids meals, or try to squeeze in a high chair for the extras (they had the seating chart and knew where the 2 invited kids were seated).

jmkaiser

Yeah I'm sure there might be some backlash but I'm just worried about the kids showing up. We will not have food or space for them (and would it be out of line to refuse to feed them?). My dad's side of th family is a little interesting and I wouldn't be surprised if they disregarded what I had asked and brought them anyways. I'm more or less just wondering about a way to politely (as best I can) tell them that their children are not part of the invite.

[Deleted User]

Ah I see.  Then yeah I would just try and spread it word of mouth as best as you can, and maybe even ask them in conversation (specifically if it's conversation about the wedding)  "So who is watching little Suzy that day?" stating it as if it's a common understanding that they're not coming.   or have other relatives help/have this conversation with people too.