Wedding planning...VENT!

SarKriHei

So does anyone else feel as if they are planning their wedding alone? My FI puts his input in when needed, but could care less really either way( male). And my BM adn MOH just seem to not care.... I understand its my wedding and not theres, and it may be hard for people to plan someone elses wedding, but if it was the other way around I would want to help them to make there day perfect and special. So i guess I was just wondering if any of you other brides are having this poroblem and/or what I shoud do!?

I Want Cake

I'm having pretty much the same problem.  I don't want to bother anyone with the details, and I'm super picky and Type A, so it's best that I just do everything myself to get it right.  FI contribues his opinions when I ask for them and has helped with some of the big stuff (photographer, ceremony/reception site visits and meetings, DJ, cake/meal tastings, and will book the limo), but I know I'm essentially also on my own.  My MOH is in California and I don't trust the other adult BM to get stuff done the way I want it, and my mom doesn't seem to want to do much besides show up and hand me a check.

I don't have any advice other than to get used to it and prioritize.  We're all just individual people with 2 hands and 24 hours in a day, and some things are more important than others.  You can't make someone else care as much as you do, and you don't want to breed resentment in your friends/family.  I know it sounds harsh, but it's better to work under the assumption that you're on your own and then be pleasantly surprised later if people offer to help than it is to expect help in the first place and not get it.

SuperRNluvsChef

I'm sorry your FI isn't as interested as you'd like him to be.  I'd talk to him about how your feeling.  Also, maybe put him in charge of certain things (DJ, honeymoon, setting up cake tastings, etc).  Most guys could care less about the decor.  As for your friends I wouldn't take too much offense.  It's hard to accept that no ones cares as much as you do.  My BM's occasionally ask how it's going but it's not often.  I try not to bring it up much either (don't want to drive them crazy haha).  Just remember we're here to talk about wedding stuff with you!

martiac225

In the same boat here.  Ticked me off at first, but have just come to realize that the little details are just not that important to FI.  I talked wedding way too much at first, but have toned it down a great deal in the last couple of months.  I'm sure I will get a little nuts come March, but they have all been warned

[Deleted User]

Yep yep.  Plus FI & I have a 2 year old so it's even harder to get things done, being that most things require us to get a sitter for a few hours and I hate asking someone to watch our lil guy practically every weekend. 

FI will give input and participate when asked, but he doesn't take initiative.  For instance I've told him several times that we still need to register for gifts and he will acknowledge that, but he would never say, "Hey we aren't busy on such and such day, should we go register?"  It's up to me to make all the plans, appts etc, and arrange for someone to watch our son.

As for friends some have said they'll look in to something for me but then I never hear back, and my MOH has said that she feels like she should be helping but at this stage in the game there isn't anything I can really hand off to her.  She can help address invites next month, and with placecards once we have the RSVP's but until then there isn't a lot she can do or anything I can just hand off to her. 

Plus as the bride, there are a lot of things on the to-do list taht no one else can do, like things regarding your hair & make up trial, jewelry, shoes, alterations etc... that all has to be done by you, ya know?

Anyway I definitely can relate... planning a wedding is STRESSFUL!

shan87

Yes. However, FI is getting better. He lives out of state and is in the Military which gives me Holiday breaks to get his help. I have picked all the vendors. He did tell me his must haves at the beginning, which included; White Wedding Cake, DJ, He wear his Military Uniform and He wanted to pick out the guys tuxes. I have my Mom and FMIL however, my BMs have their own lives, including children, graduate school, law school etc. So I wasn't expecting much.

How long do you have until the wedding? We had a long engagement so I had plenty of time to do things on my own with lilttle stress. I would recommend starting DIY projects as soon as you are set on an idea. If you have a while until the wedding that may be why people seem not to care or are disinterested. I can't tell you how many times I got -- but you have so much time?! Why do/start/think about that now....! Drove me nuts! Now ppl are like Holy Crap you have 5 months are you ready!? Do you need help with things?!


HTH!

graysquirrel

I feel that way sometimes, too. I am a major planner and love having control over the details, but it would be nice if FI offered to help more. Like, I was spending lots of time making music selections and wanted his help. He acted like a spoiled child and didn't want to listen to stuff with me. He's been pretty decent about listening to all of my ideas, though, and looking at wedding crap with me. The best thing that one can do is to just share how you feel with him. Marriage is a partnership, and that should start with the planning of your union celebration, in my mind. Let him know that you're overwhelmed and need some help. With men, it often helps to give them very specific tasks because otherwise they don't know intuitively what needs to get done.

As for the BMs, I understand that one would expect a friend to be there when needed, but it isn't really in a BM's job description to do anything besides wear the dress and show up. They don't need to help with anything else unless they want to. If they seem disinterested, it means that they really are and I wouldn't push it. If you were to mention that you are overwhelmed with doing your place cards or invitations, they might take the hint and offer help, but don't badger them to help with stuff. It really is your job.