My fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years and have a child together (4yo) as well as my 11yo daughter from my previous marriage. My main question is how to include my 11yo daughter in the ceremony. We really, really want to create something special for her because for the last 5 years, he has been the father that she should have. She has asked for years to call him dad and now he really will be her step-dad. It's especially important because last year, within 4 months, my ex-husband met a woman over the internet, got her pregnant, married her in Vegas (without our daughter there), and moved to another state with only 2 weeks notice. It has been so extremely hard on her that I want to make sure she feels included in this formal ceremony celebrating our commitment to each other and our family. I've asked her what she wants to do and she would like to say some something during the ceremony, sing a song, and wear a dress that looks like mine. Any suggestions on ways to include her and make this day extra special for her? I really want our vows to be between him and I but would like to add another special family vow and/or small addition to the ceremony to join him and her too...
Another issue is that while we wanted a small family wedding (50 or less), it has quickly exploded into large proportions and we are trying to widdle down our 250+ guest list to 125'ish. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, because frankly it is my second wedding and it feels wrong to ask my family for any financial assistance at all because they did help for my DIY wedding in 2001. He comes from a family that has money and he keeps saying "I know my dad will do this or that" but I don't want to do that either. At the same time, he has a very large extended family that he wants to invite, which is absolutely understandable as this is his first wedding and he is the last grandchild(at 35) to get married, but some of them he doesn't even know their last names. I am pairing down my list to bare minimum so that he can invite whom ever he wants (as this is my second marriage and his first) and he feels bad about that, wanting me to add my friends from college (I just graduated in May) and extended family as well. What are your thoughts on this? I do want to invite my friends from school but at the same time, we are paying for all of this ourselves, I'm now going for my master's degree and not working, which means he is paying for it all, I've been married before, and all that matters to me is that my closest friends and family see our family become official. I just hate the idea that including some of my friends would mean excluding some of his family even if he can't remember what their last names are...
Sorry for the book here but could really use some guidance! Thank you!