Ugggh - (sorry just neet to rant)

redjellybean128

So the last couple of weeks I have been insanely stressed out. I have a lot going on at work and of course like all of you, a lot to get done for this wedding. So I had a minor breakdown a couple of weeks ago and FI offered to help more with some of the stuff that I was trying to do myself, mainly some DIY projects and that sort of thing. And he helped a little, so i was appreciative of that. So now we are at the point, where certain vendors want to meet to get everything finalized. I booked an appointment with our venue at the latest possible time in the evening (because they don't do weekends) and we are supposed to go tomorrow at 4. I have been reminded FI for weeks to take the time off of work (he would need to leave by 3) and he told me he cleared it with his boss. It's been on the calendar we share in the house and I pretty much have reminded him of it on a fairly regular basis (he can be forgetful). So yesterday morning, FI tells me he won't be home for dinner on Thursday because he has a work dinner, I said - we have the appointment with the venue remember? Can you do the dinner after - he said he would see what he could do. So he rescheduled the dinner to tonight. I was appreciative of that - then this morning FI asks me what time the meeting tomorrow is. I told him 4, and he got annoyed that I booked it so early in the day because he thought it was closer to 5. I told him no, that i told him that from the beginning and he had said he cleared it with his boss to leave at 3. Of course, he forgot about that. So now, he isn't sure if he can get out of work tomorrow. I'm frustrated because then pushing this back, pushes back other things and other  decisions that need to be made. And I'm already behind on a ton of stuff (Like our invitations are just being printed this week because of a printing delay in January. I wanted to mail them next week, but i'm assuming thats unlikely at this point.)

So again he said he would see what he could do about work. I know I'm probably being unreasonable and I know that work takes a priority and he has a lot going on, but that is why I have been scheduling things far in advance and constantly reminding him. I'm just so irritated about this because i change my schedule around to make time to meet with vendors and handle phone calls during work hours and research the heck out of things before we do anything and it barely takes any priority with him.

Sigh! Again sorry for the rant, but i just had to get it out!

vk2204

Let it out!

I feel you on being overwhelmed and stressed out. A few weeks ago I had a breakdown and just cried and cried! My FI totally stepped up and helped me out tremendously. He has been doing a great job but he is not a planner at all. We had a meeting with our florist Monday (that he scheduled last week) and I swore he said 3pm, but he kept insisting that it was 3:30pm. I made him call on Monday to confirm and of course I was right lol. I wanted to kick him for that!

Just keep your head up and don't sweat the small stuff.

tiny speck

I can totally understand. It sounds like you're handling things well; I would be so upset if FI forgot to make time for an important meeting! The past few weeks have been stressful for me too-- last week I handed in my PhD dissertation and leading up to that it's been so hectic! I have yet to organize final meetings with vendors. Good luck with the meeting and here's hoping your FI's boss will be lenient!

Christine9866

Hang in there! Safe to say, I think we are alllll going through this.
 
Recently I have been asking FI to step up a bit and help out because  I can't take it anymore. I gave him the job of setting up the transportation. He has yet to do this. Looks like I might be doing it anyway. Yesterday I got a text. "babe, someone just texted me and told me that our hotel block is full what are we going to do?". I called him right up. I told him that we knew this was going to happen on Monday night and if he wanted he could call himself because they told me they were sold out and can't add any more rooms to our block. I also told him that there is a wait list and they are referring guests who are on the waitlist to a nearby hotel (9 min away from our hotel and still pretty close to our venue) but the only issue is that we were not planning on this and aren't providing shuttle service at that hotel.

redjellybean128

Thanks ladies. I've calmed down a bit, but I'm still annoyed.

Unfortunately, FI's work thing is all day training so we had to cancel for tomorrow. Hopefully the venue will be able to reschedule us fairly quickly. He feels really bad about screwing this up, so hopefully he'll be better with the new scheduling. I'm just ready to skip these next 2 months and have it be april already.

redjellybean128

Oh and I forgot the mention, the one DIY task i did give him was to screw hinges to these wood frames I bought for table numbers. Yeah everything is still on the dining room table untouched... maybe now that he feels guilty he might actually get on that...

[Deleted User]

So I have felt your pain in the past.  FI and I both work for the same agency, just in different parts of the state.  However, said agency uses the same email server for everyone: gmail.  We also have personal gmail accounts.  In order to maintain our schedules and communication with each other, we use the gmail calendar.  We can see each other's schedules on our own calendar and invite each other to events, update and cancel said events.  You can also set email/text reminders for events.  Since we don't share a home, this is really the only way to do it.  Would it help FI if you had a calendar he could access from his phone/computer? 

This is possible to do with personal gmail accounts.  I'm not sure about other email servers but yea, that's all I've got ;-)  Don't worry, it's almost over!!

redjellybean128

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_ugggh-sorry-just-neet-to-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:038d62f8-f1af-4a44-84ac-5842f0107f37Post:69e4a7bf-838e-4ccf-8cc4-a7820b42046f">Re: Ugggh - (sorry just neet to rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have felt your pain in the past.  FI and I both work for the same agency, just in different parts of the state.  However, said agency uses the same email server for everyone: gmail.  We also have personal gmail accounts.  In order to maintain our schedules and communication with each other, we use the gmail calendar.  <strong>We can see each other's schedules on our own calendar and invite each other to events, update and cancel said events.  You can also set email/text reminders for events.  Since we don't share a home, this is really the only way to do it.  Would it help FI if you had a calendar he could access from his phone/computer?</strong>  This is possible to do with personal gmail accounts.  I'm not sure about other email servers but yea, that's all I've got ;-)  Don't worry, it's almost over!!
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

Yep, thanks for the suggestion. We actually decided this morning that's how it's got to be done from now on. My work and personal email is on gmail and his personal is, but not work. But I'm going to be sending him events with reminders and hopefully he checks it before it happens again. But at the very least he will get pop up reminders on his phone.

ChiGirl2013

I feel your pain!  FI is the exact same way - very forgetful and very uninterested in doing things he promised to help with for the wedding.  So guess what?  Now he doesn't get a say in anything anymore.  It sounds mean, but I don't have time to hold his hand and drag him, kicking and screaming, to the table to finish projects that he promised to do 3 months ago.  He's a big boy.  If he can't do what he's supposed to do, then I do it MY way and he can just deal with it.  Now that he knows I'm moving forward, with or without him, he has made more of an effort.  But he knows I won't keep rescheduling everything because he's too lazy or forgetful or whatever.  I have made sure to include him in the big decisions but now that it's down to the minor details, he doesn't seem to care and to me, that's unspoken permission to go ahead and do what I feel is best.

I'm actually kind of sad that football season is over because I'd write out his list of things to do during the week and I'd steal the remote for the TV on Sundays if they weren't done.  I'm so mean.  lol  We live together and have a child together - I do NOT want to have to count him as the second child in the house. 

Honestly, I really don't think men care about details nearly as much as women do.  At least for FI, that's the case.  He couldn't care less where the guest book table is placed in relation to the cake table.  He doesn't care what kind of flowers are in the centerpieces.  He wouldn't even notice if the napkins were folded a different way than they were when we initially decided on that.  Just chalk it up to the fact that mens' brains work differently and hopefully that will help.  But you're definitely not alone!

[Deleted User]

Awesome!  I end up relying on that calendar more than any other and trust me, I have a LOT of calendars :-P  Now, I'm trying to transition over into using my personal calendar instead of my work one so I don't end up losing all of my past events once I get married and quit this job.

orangehills

Aww, you couldn't just go without him? I've been doing all my appointments without FI. The only thing he went to was the venue and that's it! His work schedule made it too difficult to wait for him. Ah well! Hopefully you can get rescheduled soon and his guilt gets the DIY done

redjellybean128

I was able to reschedule. Now I have to wait until 2/27. I've been doing a most things myself, but FI wanted in on this because it was the venue. Oh well. Thanks again for the support!