Big Dilemma - Need advice

Lechillura

So initially when we created our guest list, it was MONTHS ago. My fiance gave me two of his coworkers he thought he wanted to invite.  Not super close but he threw them on the list.

Biggest mistake:  I put them on the Facebook wedding page we have which is private for attendees.

Fast forward to now.  We have a SMALL hall with a tight amount of space and a limited headcount.  We are at capacity.

So his two aunts and cousins who were not coming, are now coming and booked flights.  They were adament about not being able to come. 

So now we are in a dilemma.

So last night at one of his work mixers, one of the co-workers says she booked her hotel. (FYI fully refundable up until 2 days before). When we were initially inviting her, we stated HOW TIGHT it was and since she was not in any relationship unfortunately she could not bring someone.   So last night she randomly says:  "I don't want to be in the big room alone so I am bringing so and so to your wedding.  So and So is some random chick that fiance works with and he doesn't even like this woman.  I was taken aback.

So now today - aunts call and state they are coming so honestly we have to make some cuts.  We did not expect to make cuts but honestly family is more of a priority than a couple of his co-workers.   But - is this the ultimate taboo??   To tell a guest that they are unfortunately uninvited because we are at capacity???

He plans on doing it but I didn't know what the etiquette is on this??   I mean I know it's BAD etiquette but I am going to bridal hell for this???  

tiny speck

You can't really uninvite people; you should have planned on 100% attendance to begin with. That said, if the single guests (like the co-worker) aren't travelling very far for the wedding, it's ok to say sory the invite is just for you and we can't accommodate your guest.

Spunky414

It would be incredibly rude to uninvite the coworker but you can certainly tell her you can't accommodate her guest. 

Christine9866

I would not uninvite her.... Did you give her a plus one? I would just tell her that she can't bring someone, but if you invited her with a plus one it also might be too late.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_big-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:4151d0c3-372f-4068-8335-6c661875dbe3Post:bbfedcc3-d7bc-42e6-8012-9d699827c31f">Big Dilemma - Need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]So last night at one of his work mixers, one of the co-workers says she booked her hotel. (FYI fully refundable up until 2 days before). When we were initially inviting her, we stated HOW TIGHT it was and since she was not in any relationship unfortunately she could not bring someone.   So last night she randomly says:  "I don't want to be in the big room alone so I am bringing so and so to your wedding.  So and So is some random chick that fiance works with and he doesn't even like this woman.  I was taken aback. 
Posted by Lechillura[/QUOTE]

<div>Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like this coworker tacked on an extra person without your permission.  If this is the case, you can tell her that unfortunately, you are at capacity and can't accomodate any extra guests than the ones that were originally invited and that you hope she can still make it.  Maybe she'll freak out at being alone and bail or she'll follow your requests and show up alone.  If not, explain to her that there won't be any seating for her guest due to space restrictions.</div><div>
</div><div>How many people over-capacity are you?  If it's one or two, you should probably explain your dilemma to the venue manager.  They may have some advice for you or they may have flubbed the numbers to meet fire codes just in case this happened.</div><div>
</div><div>Chances are, one or two people won't be able to make it at the last minute.  </div><div>
</div><div>Try to relax and go make those phone calls and see what happens ;-)</div>

[Deleted User]

I actually just saw this over on E. Everyone is right - you can't univite the coworker and as you sent the STD to the aunts, you can't uninvite them. You CAN (and definitely should, IMO) tell the coworker she can't bring a guest and cross fingers that this makes her not come. You CAN tell the cousins that the invitation was only for the aunts and there is no space for them - that's rough though if they already booked the flight. I liked the idea on E to turn your sweetheart table into a regular table where you can sit with parents/bridal party/some sort of VIPs. Also, like Ich said, call the venue and tell them how much you're over by. See if they have any suggestions of how to accomodate - chances are they will.

ChiGirl2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_big-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:4151d0c3-372f-4068-8335-6c661875dbe3Post:cc8e80c6-b323-4d9d-be73-089057ac5f7f">Re: Big Dilemma - Need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Big Dilemma - Need advice : Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like this coworker tacked on an extra person without your permission.  If this is the case, you can tell her that unfortunately, you are at capacity and can't accomodate any extra guests than the ones that were originally invited and that you hope she can still make it.  Maybe she'll freak out at being alone and bail or she'll follow your requests and show up alone. 
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

Yup.  This.  She was the one who added a +1 when her invitation was addressed to her alone.  So it's HER job to uninvite the extra guest.

Unfortunately, you can't uninvite someone who already has a Save the Date and an invitation in their hands.  I'm sure you will get 1 or 2 no's that will compensate for the unexpected aunt, and it's very possible that people who RSVP yes will not show that day if they're sick, etc.  Every wedding I've been to has had extra escort cards on the table of people who never showed up.

Lechillura

Thank you for all the suggestions.

When we initially invited her - we told her that we were at capacity for our invitations and that she couldn't bring anyone.  (ie - friend).  She was totally ok with that.   Then the other evening dropped the bomb on me stating she didn't want to be at the hotel king ring all alone.  Umm - then book a smaller room!

It was odd.   FH will tell her on Monday that unfortunately she can't bring a plus one.  When I sent the invitations - it was addressed to her only and not a guest. 

Thanks for all help. I will get creative with seating.

ChiGirl2013

Oh, she's more than welcome to bring a friend to share the hotel room.  They just need to find something else to do while she's attending your wedding because the friend is NOT invited.  Tell the friend to order in some Chinese food and rent a pay per view movie or something.

Lechillura

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_big-dilemma-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:4151d0c3-372f-4068-8335-6c661875dbe3Post:e7828714-1185-4631-a868-d2d55995fe34">Re: Big Dilemma - Need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, she's more than welcome to bring a friend to share the hotel room.  They just need to find something else to do while she's attending your wedding because the friend is NOT invited.  Tell the friend to order in some Chinese food and rent a pay per view movie or something.
Posted by ChiGirl2013[/QUOTE]

This brings me to another question....

So what if she does bring her friend to the hotel.  My parents are hosting BBQ's and drink events at the tikibar, etc..    what if she brings such friend to that?

Honestly - the person she mentioned is a busy body at his work.  Lots of backstory on this woman and was definitely not invited for a reason.  

So I don't particularly want my family to have to pay for this womans lunch and drinks the next day and they wouldn't know.  The next day is in lieu of a brunch - so they are hosting this for friends, family and their spouses.

Any insight?   Am I just being a brat?  I really am not trying to be.  We just do not have a good history with this lady she wants to drag along to the beach? 

ChiGirl2013

You're not being a brat.  SHE is the one who gave herself a +1 and this needs to be addressed right away. 

Tell her she is welcome to have whatever travel companion she wants, but her "guest" is NOT invited to ANY of the wedding events and will need to stay at the hotel or find something else to do. Make that very, VERY clear.

If she shows up at the BBQ, meet them at the door and tell her that you can't accommodate uninvited guests and her friend needs to leave.  If you don't think you're strong enough to do it, enlist the help of someone else who has no problem acting as your "security" or "bouncer." 

The bottom line is, you can NOT bring a guest to events if you weren't given a +1 and if you don't want this woman there, you have every right to tell her she needs to leave.