Rehearsal dinner help!!

[Deleted User]

FI's dad and stepmom have really graciously offered to pay for our rehearsal. However, being as they live across the country, we'll probably be doing most of the planning (running everything by FFIL, of course, but doing the detail work and being the point people). The only problem is I have no idea what I need to do for this. We're calling restaurants, we can pick menus, that's all fine. But, is it customary to have a cake? Does it have to be a fancy groom's cake or is just a nice sheet cake from the bakery fine? Do we have to do decorations - are they expected? For invitations, is it ok just to do simple, printed invites (probably would buy some printable cards or card stock and just do that) or should they be fancy and official? Or should they just be sort of word of mouth? Do we need to do seating charts (seems overkill but we are having about 60 people)? Any advice on what needs to be done would be REALLY appreciated. I've only been to a few RDs and they were very different than what ours is going to be - either SUPER CRAZY formal or super super informal. We're going for somewhere in the middle, at a nice italian restaurant (mainly because it's far too many people to fit into my poor parent's house!).

orangehills

Well first off- make sure that your get a price for what your in laws are ok with paying- a nice Italian restaurant for 60 people is still really expensive, so extras to make it fancier could be too much. As for a cake- no you don't need one. If you want one- get one- a sheet cake maybe with some cute groom decoration would be fine. You don't need decorations for a rehearsal dinner- I've never seen that, only in movies. Invites- you can do an email one if you want- paper ones are handy though just because people have it in their hand. Seating charts, I don't think you need that- it just seems like extra work for you to do.

jakigaudet

The rehersals I have been to have been pretty low key. No invites, no cake, no decations. You're getting married the next day, it should be easy for you and not a lot of work. I'd write a toast for all the people in the room and hand out gifts to your bridesmaids and groomsmens and parents or those who help a lot, but that is all. 

However, if you want to do more and have the energy and time then go for it. But I wouldn't say you need to.

Good luck

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:95ef4f6e-b233-4c4e-9e13-909317df79bdPost:3fbe0606-12cb-44e7-802a-9a9055f20420">Re: Rehearsal dinner help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well first off- make sure that your get a price for what your in laws are ok with paying- a nice Italian restaurant for 60 people is still really expensive, so extras to make it fancier could be too much. As for a cake- no you don't need one. If you want one- get one- a sheet cake maybe with some cute groom decoration would be fine. You don't need decorations for a rehearsal dinner- I've never seen that, only in movies. Invites- you can do an email one if you want- paper ones are handy though just because people have it in their hand. Seating charts, I don't think you need that- it just seems like extra work for you to do.
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

It is a bit expensive. I guess by super fancy I meant that I've been to one that was basically a wedding - passed hor d'oevres, open bar with top shelf liquor, etc. We actually have tried to throw out several cheaper options, but the italian places are what they seem to want to go with. If decorations were necessary, I was planning on just doing that myself possibly. I really don't want them to feel obligated to spend too much. I'd be fine with doing pizza in a hotel conference room or something :P However, if decorations and such are not necessary, that definitely helps A LOT.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:95ef4f6e-b233-4c4e-9e13-909317df79bdPost:84acf075-753c-43b0-b5b6-7aecf2969d68">Re: Rehearsal dinner help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]The rehersals I have been to have been pretty low key. No invites, no cake, no decations. You're getting married the next day, it should be easy for you and not a lot of work. I'd write a toast for all the people in the room and hand out gifts to your bridesmaids and groomsmens and parents or those who help a lot, but that is all.  However, if you want to do more and have the energy and time then go for it. But I wouldn't say you need to. Good luck :)
Posted by jakigaudet[/QUOTE]

Good to hear! I would love to keep this as simple and easy as possible - for everyone involved. I just don't want to miss something if it's customary.

[Deleted User]

FILs are paying for ours, also.  We are getting the back room at a local, historical restaurant.  FI's mom is handling who is in invited, I am just giving her a list of my BP and their significant others and my immediate family.  I believe she is sending paper invites.

We're getting a buffet with a couple of entree choices, and a couple of side choices.  If we want to bring in a cake(groom's cake), the restaurant charges an extra $1.50/person for the use of their dishes and silverware, so FMIL is unsure if she's just going to get the restaurant to provide a dessert or bring in the groom's cake, which she is making.

We are giving our BP and parents their gifts that night.

There's no telling what FMIL is going to do about decorations, she tends to get a bit unnecessary and over the top with everything...everything.  I'm 99.9% sure it'll be fancier than the actual wedding, which is how my sister's RD was(which is not how it's supposed to be from all of the ettiquette stuff I've read).

The RD I went to last year was at a beach house. No paper invites, just word of mouth. They had a groom's cake formed like a baseball hat or something. They didn't decorate because the venue was already beautiful. They gave out gifts to the BM, me(the MOH), RB, the flowergirls and their own parents. Super laid back and very enjoyable. It was a shotgun wedding and I think they did very well considering they only had 2 months to plan for it.

I agree with PP, find out what kind of budget you're working with.  I took FILs to the two restaurants I wanted for the RD and let them pick which one they preferred.  They got a menu to take home to PA with them and decide what to serve based on what they had tasted while they were there.  

dani1361

My fiances family is paying for ours too. However were doing a low key dinner. We just want it to be our parents and bridal party and thats it. Super simple, super relaxed! No invites, no cake, just dinner and a few beers after!

orangehills

Yah, definitely not necessary, so if you don't want to do the extra stuff, you definitely don't have to! I have to say- I am so happy I don't have to do a rehearsal dinner!! Lol. FI and I will be going to the church to have our own little rehearsal with the pastor- but we aren't having a true rehearsal with everyone or a dinner, since it's such a small wedding.

ChiGirl2013

The rule to stick with is to not have your RD outshine your wedding.  So whatever you're doing for your wedding, knock it down a notch or 2 for the RD.

We're doing invites that I'm printing on our home computer - nothing fancy at all.  The only decorations we'll have is a single candle in the middle of each table surrounded by those little plastic fake "diamonds" and a burlap banner that says Congratulations.  That's it in terms of decor.

The food will be served buffet style and we're doing things like fried chicken, mac & cheese, salad, etc.  The package we chose comes with a dessert, so we're not getting any extras.  (If you had planned on doing a groom's cake, a lot of people do them at the RD, but they are definitely NOT necessary by any means!)  We're just going to have a cooler of beer and a cooler of soda and bottled water for drinks. 

We're not doing a seating chart - just put your rear end in a char that's unoccupied.  If you want to reserve your and your FI's seats, you can always make a little "reserved" sign, but that's not necessary either since you'll probably be one of the first ones there.  Most Italian restaurants have candles on the tables, and that should be fine in terms of decor.

We're giving our wedding party and parents their gifts at the RD. 

Hope this helps a little!

[Deleted User]

Thanks all for the advice. That really helps a lot. I am totally for keeping it as low key and casual as possible. I'll just try to accomplish whatever FFIL wants to have there and say the heck with the rest.

mabapunta

FILs are paying for ours as well - about 30 ppl. We talked about different options together and are going with a restaurant that was actually going to be our original caterer. They have a good sized room available to use with no rental fee and they offer buffet style Italian food so it will be like $12pp or so for the food with drinks separate. It will be very low key -- the important people will know by word of mouth. We'll have a little toast to thank everyone and pass out wedding party gifts. No planned decorations or cake that I know of.