Need your advice on sticky "and guest" situation

AnnieMae321

Hi ladies,   I have had a sticky situation arise, and I would really appreciate your advice! Here is the lowdown:   We live in Denver but are planning the wedding in New Orleans (I'm from Lafayette). We naturally decided to invite a few of my close girlfriends that live in Denver, and I convinced my parents (who are footing the bill) that they each should be allowed to bring a date (since the wedding is OOT and it's proper to allow a lady to have an escort). These friends are a little older than me and socialize with a larger group of people that I consider just acquaintances (they did not receive save the dates). Well the problem is this: I found out through the grapevine that my girlfriends intend to use their "and guests" to bring the other girls in the group I am not close to and never intended on inviting. It appears they are using the wedding to organize a glorified "girls weekend" in New Orleans. To me, this practice isn't in the "spirit" of the wedding invitation. It is quite possible that I am overreacting, but I know my parents will be very upset if they discover that they're paying for people to attend that I don't very well and never intended on inviting. The whole idea behind the "and guest" was that that the single women could have an escort. I really need your advice! A few things to consider--the invites have not gone out yet, only STDs, and not everyone on our guest list is receiving an "and guest." I only chose to allow these ladies dates because they are OOT. What should I do?   TIA!

meganfauer

i first want to start off by saying that I completely understand what you are saying and do not think that you are overacting. But I got married in May so I have been through this, I think that this is one of those things that you cannot control. If someone is invited with "and guest" I had to realize this for my own wedding that means they could bring a guest (whether it be sibling, their boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or friend) I am not saying that I think what they are doing is appropriate but I do think that it is one thing that you have to let slide.

AnnieMae321

That's what I needed to hear, thank you!!!

bcnoelle

I think it is totally inappropriate of them.  It also makes it an awkward situation for you, having female guests who aren't truly dates know that they weren't invited be at your wedding.  Your friends should be mindful of your wedding and budget, regardless of who is paying for it.  I think inviting someone who is OOT with "and guest" is very courteous.  I have been in positions where I wasn't invited with an and guest and had to travel alone, but I wouldn't have brought anyone unless I was in a serious relationship.  It sounds like many of these girls you did invite are friends with each other and could travel together.  I think a lot of people hear "New Orleans" and decide that it will just be a huge, crazy party...but this is also a wedding.  I would talk with the friend you are closest with about your concerns.  If you have to blame your parents to save face, so be it.

glitterspank

I am personally not bothered by my single girl guests bringing other girls along.  They don't have to come solo just because they don't have a man.  I guess I just don't see what difference it really makes  - you're still paying for 2 people whether they bring a date or a girlfriend or their mom.  If they brought dates, you'd still be paying for people you possibly don't know and didn't specifically invite.  I have several guests who are leaving their guys home with the kids to bring their mom or a girlfriend as their guest, even though the invites were addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. X."  Doesn't bother me in the least, I just want the main friends there and for them to have a great time.  Not saying your point of view isn't valid, just saying I don't necessarily share it.  I can see the potential for awkwardness where these are people you know and didn't invite, but "and guest" doesn't really imply to me that the "guest" has to be a "date."  Just my .02.

engbullyluvr

I agree w/ PP. I've actually had two girlfriends from out of town that I've agreed to let bring a guest and both have chosen to bring girlfriends. My intention was a date, but its just one of those battles I have chosen not to fight. Your parents probably won't notice and I would try to just let it go and not think about it again.

tnriver

I dont see what the big deal is. If they were to bring dates, they would be people you dont know very well and never intended on inviting either. If you really have a problem with it, then just dont invite them with an "and guest".

AnnieMae321

Thanks for your input ladies! I am going to go with the flow as most of you suggested. I just want everyone to have a good time!

bcnoelle

I see the other girls' points of view after reading them too. Just make sure that you are comfortable with whatever you decide on!