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Wedding worries....

Last night while at my FSIL's doing of taxes (that took 6 hrs lol but saved me a TON of $- thank God for her!)- she mentioned a wedding she had gone to over the weekend. She mentioned it being "cheaply" done. I feel that people can do "cheap" but look classy, ya know?
A HUGE concern of mine is that people will leave my wedding talking smack!! I mean i won't be using plastic silverwear and paper plates (i hope i dont offend anyone by saying that...). I really hope i can cut costs and still make it classy.

Are any of ya'll worried about this??

I'm just so thankful for great friends and TK to bounce ideas off of. and likely not make any decisions without posting it somewhere lol (DIY, DET, Month board) lol.
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Re: Wedding worries....

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    lisa89760lisa89760 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not too worried...I think no matter what, there are some people that are going to find something that they think is wrong with my wedding.  As long as we're confortable in the choicse we are making, I'm happy.
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    edited December 2011
    I fully admit to commenting on people's weddings.  Things like..."I can't believe they spent so much money on the band" or "I really wish they had more appetizers."  I have been to expensive and inexpensive weddings and done that regardless.

    Ultimately, I don't really feel that bad about it, because the thing I care about the most is that the bride and groom have fun and that the wedding reflects them (and that guests are reasonably well accommodated).  I can say that all of the weddings I have ever been to meet this, so I think they're great.  That's not going to stop anyone from noticing/commenting on particulars.  So just plan the wedding you want and can afford, and don't worry about other's opinions
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    matuofmmatuofm member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm definitely worried about this.  We decided to go with a picnic wedding because we had a budget of about $3000 and didn't feel like we could do a chuch-reception hall wedding on that budget and our resources without coming off looking cheap.  (Not trying to offend anyone - I'm sure it can be done.  We just didn't think we could pull it off.) 

    We figured that with a fun picnic, we could make the aesthetic rustic and casual (metropark pavilion, boxed picnic lunches, lawn games, sundress for me, no bridal party) and spend WAAYYY less money - while looking like we were doing it on purpose.  (Not because we didn't have a choice.)  We *will* be having paper plates and plastic silverware (no offense taken), because it goes with the theme. 

    For me, the "cheap" problem is how to toe the line between "casual" and "trashy."  We want to put enough nice touches in there and pull it all together with the color scheme and decorations so that it looks like we planned it this way deliberately, not that we just threw it all together that morning, or grabbed whatever was in mom's garage and used it because we had no budget whatsoever.
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    klreese0213klreese0213 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Matuofm- I feel with your theme, the paper/plastic products work. My problem is when people use them with halls, ya know. I feel you should either go with a whole theme (ie- picnic, fun, summery) or do the hall, china, etc (with what you can afford).
    Which i really do love this idea and with your theme i think it does well! Of course, who uses china/silverware in the middle of a park! so it totally goes.

    Meg- me too.. which is why this worried me LOL. I KNOW peoples #1 complaint will be our date, however, *so far* we have gotten some good feedback... but perhaps that's because people haven't realized what day of the week it actually is. lol.

    I always take into consideration budget. However, i feel being budget friendly you can make things look classy.

    I hope this doesn't make me sound 8itchy. that isn't what i'm trying to come across :) just making convo !
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    missmelanie81missmelanie81 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im actually not worried about this at all. My wedding will reflect what my FI and I love. I get that it wont be everyones cup of tea and thats fine. The day is about us and our vision.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:0bf1ff9c-4d14-410a-b46b-d81cfc3de75aPost:f6664651-225c-497d-b491-d7c8240668de">Wedding worries....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Last night while at my FSIL's doing of taxes (that took 6 hrs lol but saved me a TON of $- thank God for her!)- she mentioned a wedding she had gone to over the weekend. She mentioned it being "cheaply" done.<strong> I feel that people can do "cheap" but look classy, ya know?</strong> A HUGE concern of mine is that people will leave my wedding talking smack!! I mean i won't be using plastic silverwear and paper plates (i hope i dont offend anyone by saying that...). I really hope i can cut costs and still make it classy. Are any of ya'll worried about this?? I'm just so thankful for great friends and TK to bounce ideas off of. and likely not make any decisions without posting it somewhere lol (DIY, DET, Month board) lol.
    Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, I think people can do cheap but classy.  A friend of mine had her wedding at a golf course in Illinois, and she used all white linens, DIY centerpieces that were small but pretty, and put two ribbons on each table as a "runner" to bring in her colors.  It came out nicely and I don't think she really spent much more than the price of each person's meal.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, I'd even say that you could spend a million bucks on this wedding and not have it be classy. A friend of a friend has a father who is worth millions, and they are busing their guests from Detroit to Chicago for the wedding.  Expensive? Yes. Classy? No. </div><div>
    </div><div>It's normal to worry... All of the wedding blogs, magazines, and pictures don't help - I think they set unrealistic expectations.  Just do what you think is classy and within your means.  I'm sure it will come out great!</div><div>
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    edited December 2011
    The truth is when people feel you didn't spend enough money they will talk crap, and when they feel you spent too much money they will talk crap!  It is really sad for those people, but you really shouldn't worry about it because you will never be able to please everyone!  That is something I have learned while trying to plan my wedding!
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    klreese0213klreese0213 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:0bf1ff9c-4d14-410a-b46b-d81cfc3de75aPost:03f13372-8928-4246-bbaf-6daf87913d22">Re: Wedding worries....</a>:
    [QUOTE]A friend of a friend has a father who is worth millions, and they are busing their guests from Detroit to Chicago for the wedding.  Expensive? Yes. Classy? No. 
    Posted by zulamay[/QUOTE]
    What the front door?!?!?!
    wow.... lol, i think i'd just prefer my hotel paid for and i'd pay traveling fees if that was the case, ya know.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:0bf1ff9c-4d14-410a-b46b-d81cfc3de75aPost:a1dab495-e9aa-49c5-b9e3-e5e3217bf721">Re: Wedding worries....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding worries.... : What the front door?!?!?! wow.... lol, i think i'd just prefer my hotel paid for and i'd pay traveling fees if that was the case, ya know.
    Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Exactly...my friend who is invited is trying to figure out what to do.  She doesn't really want to go to the wedding, but how do you say no when they are going to physically transport you there!?

    </div>
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:0bf1ff9c-4d14-410a-b46b-d81cfc3de75aPost:e1fcb2a5-bef2-41df-987f-a0d754640687">Re: Wedding worries....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Meg- me too.. which is why this worried me LOL. I KNOW peoples #1 complaint will be our date, however, *so far* we have gotten some good feedback... but perhaps that's because people haven't realized what day of the week it actually is. lol. I always take into consideration budget. However, i feel being budget friendly you can make things look classy. I hope this doesn't make me sound 8itchy. that isn't what i'm trying to come across :) just making convo !
    Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]


    Ha!  So at least I'm not the only one.    And I actually think this is very interesting convo:-)

    I think the fact that you're even worried about this says your wedding will be gorgeous.  And anyone who goes beyond relatively innocuous comments about not liking the cheese plate is the one being *itchy.

    PS.  To the pp with a BBQ reception - I think it sounds awesome.
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    klreese0213klreese0213 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Zulamay - that IS a tough one!! lol... "um.. sorry but i have to wash my hair" LOL .... "sadly, i will be out of the country on your wedding date. good luck, i'll send a card" haha

    Meg- Thanks! And believe me.... FSIL and I had a nice convo last night :) I make sure to ask my sister, an old knottie whos a good friend of mine and my FSIL (and of course you girls) on just about EVERY decision i make lol so i get different points of view.

    When we first started wedding planning, FI mentioned "hey a friend of mine said we could have everyone bring a dish and it'll cut costs" - i swear i must have had my heart stop! NO WAY! - NEVER! lol
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:0bf1ff9c-4d14-410a-b46b-d81cfc3de75aPost:85669d13-6e2d-4f16-81fa-bf1401e4e2bd">Re: Wedding worries....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Zulamay - that IS a tough one!! lol... "um.. sorry but i have to wash my hair" LOL .... <strong>"sadly, i will be out of the country on your wedding date. good luck, i'll send a card"</strong> haha Meg- Thanks! And believe me.... FSIL and I had a nice convo last night :) I make sure to ask my sister, an old knottie whos a good friend of mine and my FSIL (and of course you girls) on just about EVERY decision i make lol so i get different points of view. When we first started wedding planning, FI mentioned "hey a friend of mine said we could have everyone bring a dish and it'll cut costs" - i swear i must have had my heart stop! NO WAY! - NEVER! lol
    Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">LOL they could go to Canada and make that a valid excuse!!</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
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    larzhopelarzhope member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think people are going to talk no matter what - its unavoidable.  My mom is VERY concerned with what people will think of the wedding - to the point where she didn't set a budget so everything would be 'very nice' regardless of what it cost.
    Me, I don't really care.  I want a fun party that is going to celebrate Fi and I, and thank our guests for coming.

    Here's some perspective to keep in mind:

    I admit, I do comment on other people's weddings.  Now that I am actually getting married and planning my own, I don't remember a single criticism I had of the other weddings.  The one wedding that DOES stick out in my mind, though, is of a friend who got so wrapped up in all the details and every little thing that didn't go perfectly that she didn't enjoy her wedding at all and looked like a sourpuss the whole day.

    So don't worry about what people might say and instead focus on radiating your love :) hehe.
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    edited December 2011

    People talk - heck, I talk. When you get 2 or more people in a room (let alone 100+, 200+, etc) there will be opinions. It's unavoidable.

    I went to 8 weddings last year and used them as benchmarks for our planning, in terms of what worked, what didn't, and what people actually cared about. Honestly, one year later, all I remember is: (1) if the food/bar was good or bad, (2) if the DJ/band played good music, (3) if I took the favor home or not, and (4) if it seemed like the bride and groom were having fun.

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    klreese0213klreese0213 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    well, right- my ultimate goal is to have fun. I was just curious to see if people thought of this stuff also, ya know? i know i definitely do. and you ladies are all right.. people will talk. i'm not necessarily concerned for my decor... more like curious i suppose. I want people to leave and say "wow" but know that not everyone will be in that mind set.
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    edited December 2011
    A cousin of mine had a reception in a pavillion at a public park and we had beer, pulled pork sandwiches, and an assortment of baked goods for dessert. There were only two things people complained about (myself included, I'll admit). One was that it was the middle of summer and they didn't bring any citrunella torches or anything, so a lot of us ended up leaving early because of the mosquitos. The other was that they didn't let anyone know until a week before the wedding that kids weren't allowed, which I thought was incredibly rude. 
    As long as you've done the best you can to take care of your guests and throw a fun party with the budget you've set aside, then you've got nothing to worry about! 
    You can spend all the money in the world and since everyone has different tastes, there will be someone complaining about one thing or another! Besides, isn't there a phrase "money can't buy class"?
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    matuofmmatuofm member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you're on the right track just because you *care* about beeing classy.  That means you'll be looking at everything with a discerning eye.  And as long as *you* think it's classy enough, what does it matter if it doesn't meet someone else's qualifications?

    BTW - you can't please everyone.  If you use your discerning eye, they still might not leave saying "Wow."  But if they do, at least you can be sure that they're saying it for good reasons.  :)
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    klreese0213klreese0213 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    right... good points!

    Note to Matuofm- citronella candles ;)  and i love your plaid shoes!!
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    matuofmmatuofm member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Candles all the way.
     And thanks about the shoes.  :)  Would you believe - Payless???
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    edited December 2011
    Klreese - to update my post, even though I said most ppl don't care/remember much about the wedding, I still worry/overthink everything and want it to be the perfect day. It's totally normal. Heck, I spent a week alone just looking at inner/outer envelopes!! Matuofm - are those blue/purple shoes from payless? If so, I'm running to the store right now!!
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    matuofmmatuofm member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The heels on the the left are the ones I'm going to wear for the ceremony, and I got them on endless.com for...$30.  No joke.  The plaid flats are for the reception, and they're the ones from Payless.  More like $25 for those ones, I think.  Score!
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    lanejanelanejane member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    This is a legitimate concern. I'm dead set on making my guests jaws drop and yet I'm on a budget lol. I think you just have use good common sense when you make choices and be true to yourself, if you do, you'll be so happy with the outcome that it won't matter much what other people thought. And like others said tongues will wag no matter what you do.

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    helgak99helgak99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can't please everyone, but it is your wedding so you do what is important to you.
    People will always criticize and don't know what went on behind the scenes to arrive at the decisions you made. 
    Enjoy your day!
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