Michigan-Detroit
Options

Question for the newly married

Hey Ladies,   My FI and I were having a conversation regarding the guest count last night…I told him about some of the replies I received regarding my previous post about us having an intimate wedding and politely telling people they weren’t invited. So, he asked me to post this question.  If you knew then what you know now…If you could rewind the clock and do it all again, regardless if your wedding was large or very small, would you “re-do” a formal wedding?  Or would you opt to go away (not elope) and get married with just you and your groom? Why or why not?   Thanks in advance for the replies!

Re: Question for the newly married

  • Options
    Tarah716Tarah716 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We invited 176 people and we had about 140 show up.  It was perfect, we pretty much knew everyone and we were so happy to share our wedding with our family & friends. It would be nice to do a DW but I know that would mean less people would show up and the people who we invited were the people we really wanted to be there.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I could not have planned it better!  We had 45 guests at our DW.  I wanted it to be an intimate candlight dinner, turned out great.  Since it was on the smaller side, we were able to have all of our guests join us for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and a morning after brunch.  I really felt like we got to spend a lot of quality time with everyone, and since everyone was in "vacation mode", everyone was relaxed and in good spirits.
  • Options
    Tammara7Tammara7 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We invited 100 and 94 showed. I loved my wedding and it was my dream wedding but DH and i said if we were to do it all over again we would have gone away! No matter what you do you can't please everyone and there was so much family drama beaucsse we kept it small and didn't invite most of the family or any kids.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    My Boys Lawson, Lucas and Landon
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker>
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I definitely would re-do my large somewhat formal wedding. It was just so great to see everyone in one place and throw a big party for everyone to enjoy...but that's our personalities. Everyone's different!
  • Options
    eclipsethecateclipsethecat member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would not go away for a wedding here is why:1) We planned a nice wedding that we could afford. I was thrilled with how it turned out. 2) I wanted my family and friends to be there to celebrate with us. Sure there was drama (there was a lot of drama even some things that I wouldn't post about on here, but that were very very serious,) but it was worth it to have those people there to share our day with us. 3) It was very important to both of us to be married in a church with our parents and grand parents present.I think there is a difference though between having an intimate ceremony and thinking that you have to invite everyone you know. We cut our list back, no kids, and people who weren't in serious relationships didnt get dates. Sure, some people didnt come because they didnt like that their baby wasnt invited or because they couldn't bring their flavor of the week, but I figured that that was what their relationship meant to us.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    ditto eclipse. We did some guest cutting and some people who were expecting "guests" were not given them. I'm not aware of people who didn't come because of that, but some might have. I actually liked it better with our friends coming as individuals and think it made the party as a whole better. Once we got closer to the wedding and we realized we had a few open seats here and there we let some people have the guests they were hoping for.Regarding going away to get married, that just isn't our style. We are very much family oriented and one thing was clear when we got engaged: we were getting married in our hometown. It was important to have the people we care about most there to share the day and especially right now, there is no way all of our family members would have made it to a destination wedding.Yes, the day is about you and your groom and not your family, but they add so much to the celebration, and are a huge part of our relationship.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Our wedding is a lot bigger than I wanted, but we have very large families. My parents have a lot of friends, and we found it very hard to make cuts...hence  a 250 person wedding with a lot of upset people!That being said...I wish we could go back and be very up front and stick to a number; we fell into the trap of "we're helping paying and we want our friends there"I would re-do it and stick to family and a few close friends....I would not go away1. I would not want to put pressure on people to take that time off of work.2.  If people did come, I would want to be able to distance ourselves after the wedding to have time for a honeymoon. To me it would be hard to determine a cut off point between the two.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    We had sort of a smaller wedding from the start, with about 100 guests. It was perfect. Everyone there was either my close family or friends, there was nobody I had never met before. We thought about doing a DW earlier on but I knew a lot of my close family members couldn't afford to come with us, so that was the deal breaker for us. If I had the choice to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    We had a formal wedding and I loved it! However, we were pretty strict on our guest list and I am glad we were. We invited around 190 and ended up with a room full of 160 people that we talk to/see all the time. The invite list could have exploded, but luckily, my parents wanted this to be our wedding, not an event to invite their friends or family they don't talk to that often or don't know us. DH parents wanted to invite more random family members, but they were not contributing, so they got no extra invites. I think they wanted to show off...for a wedding they were not paying for. Whatever. I had one moment where I wish we would have just gone to Italy and did a destination thing, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't have changed a thing. My grandparents and most of our family members wouldn't have been there and they are what made the day that much more memorable. I love looking at our pictures and video and seeing everyone have such a good time. If you stick to your guns on the guest list, you will have the intimate affair you want. Don't let people bully you into inviting a bunch of people that you do not need to have there!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Options
    jennic22jennic22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think what we did was perfect for us.  We ended up with ~175 people.  When we were on our honeymoon, there was at least one wedding on the beach everyday, and we just kept on saying how happy we were with our wedding.  It wasn't ridiculously expensive, and nothing went on credit cards but it was elegant and beautiful.  My personal idea of a wedding was to be surrounded by my family and close friends and to have more than 12 people.  However, we didn't have too much drama either.
    imageLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Our wedding was a destination wedding, only about 35 attended and I would never change a thing about it.  The people who were at my wedding are all the people that I couldn't imagine getting married without and the people I would have been celebrating most with anyway had I had a 300 person wedding. And I got to spend all weekend with them celebrating the wedding instead of one day which was huge for us because we look back and remember the whole experience and not just the wedding. We've had so many friends tell us that it was the best wedding they've ever been to and that they wish they had done it that way/are going to do it that way.  I wouldn't have gotten married alone though with just my husband, it just wasn't how we pictured ours.
  • Options
    cindaycinday member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We invited 201 knowing that a big chunck of those people would decline and they did. We had 126 at our wedding and it was perfect. It was a gathering of the most important people in our lives and everyone said it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to. I thought about a DW on Mackinac Island, but didn't like that we couldn't include as many people as we would have liked to. If I could rewind the clock, I wouldn't change a thing.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    We had a DW with 25 guests. It was perfect. We got to spend time with everyone without feeling rushed. I would not have changed anything. Those who couldn't go that were VIPs watched the video and looked at photos.
  • Options
    saradbarnardsaradbarnard member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We got married at my in-law's house on the west side of the state, and had a small reception at a nearby country club. The club could only accommodate about 75 people, so after my MIL gave us her "list" we only had 2 or 3 tables full of our closest friends, and only my immediate family (although we invited my out-of-state relatives, none made the trip). I had to "choose" which friends to invite because they couldn't all come to the actual wedding. We had an "AHR" about a month later that was a little more low-key, and invited everyone to that party. It's hard to know who you'll still be in touch with a year or so down the road, but make sure you have all of your favorite people with you on your big day! I look at some of the pictures from our original reception and still have to ask my husband who some of the people are! While I still had an incredible day and loved our wedding, for us, it kind of turned into someone else's "show" Hope that helps....
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards