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Guest list Q - Long

To sum up: FI's parent's are footing about 1/2 of the wedding bills, us and my parent's are the other 1/2 of funds. However, $$ given was explained as "Gift for your wedding, use it for whatever you need" FMIL even suggested we use it as a down payment on a house.FMIL gave us a list of guests that included a large number of people who have never met FI (or me). When asked to review the list, it came back with a few cuts, but some additional people added. We are currently sitting at about 35 people over capacity and the list is heavy on the groom's side. FI says they get to say because of the money, but my argument is if we used the money for a house or dishes, would they pick it out for us? I feel that the money was not for the wedding per se, but a gift because we are getting married. Same as if they waited until the day of to cut us a check. WWYD? I'm just looking for general opinions on what to do, who to cut and how to go about it.
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Re: Guest list Q - Long

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    ksunquestksunquest member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My parents invited people that had never met us - it happens.If you are ok with your list as is (meaning, you and FI have no others to inivite), I would just leave it as is. You should get enough no's to be under your capacity.
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    sunkissed212sunkissed212 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm leaning towards agreeing with you. Reason being that, if they had offered to contribute money to the wedding specifically, including writing the check to the reception hall for food/beverage costs, then yes I would say that they have a little pull in who makes it on the guest list for their side and who does not. However, like you said, they gave the funds to you as a gift and told you to use it however you like. If you choose to use it for something different than food/beverage for the guests that they have requested be invited, that is your choice. That's my take on it anyway...and sorry for all the run on sentences in this post.  
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    ksunquestksunquest member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    just another thought....have you told FIL's that you are over capacity and that cuts need to be made? You could even ask your parents to cut a few, so that it seems fair...
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    edited December 2011
    I would explain to your inlaws that as much as you appreciate the funds for the wedding, that you are over capacity in the room and there is going to have to be cuts in the guest list. Is it really necessary all these people come? They might not even realize they have that many people. I would stress that you are very appreciative of the money (you are so lucky they are helping at all!) and maybe just say, we were thinking about your suggestion as using it for something other than the wedding, so we can start our married life off together. I don't think people realize how much each guest adds up! Once I explained it to my DH, he was like, Oh, I never thought of that! It is more than just the food and drink...it is the invite, the flowers, etc.
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    alarthamealarthame member
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    edited December 2011
    I would definitely do as the pp suggested and tell both sides that you are over your capactiyfor the room and ask if there is anyone who could be cut to help with this. It wouldn't hurt to mention to FI's parents that you gave them the same message.
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    edited December 2011
    Amy - it was actually your review/tips that got me thinking about this. Mostly what's frustrating is the number of people who we have never even met. It just seems like they are 'showing off' the wedding. Plus from the start I wanted a smaller wedding and we are at almost 200 right now.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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    edited December 2011
    It's definitely a sticky situation.  I agree with you though.  They are contributing half of the funds...not a lot more to cover the extra people they have added to the guest list.FI and I went into it with the understanding that I have 75 spots for guests and he has 75 spots for guests.  If I didn't use all my spots, he could have them for extras on his side and vice versa.  We're weird like that though.  LOL.  It definitely made the guest list easy...and it isn't skewed one way or the other...we're pretty even.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree w/ Katie, I don't think you should worry about it because you'll get enough no's that everyone will fit. And maybe I'm biased cause my side was definitely larger at our wedding, but I don't think it should be 50/50 necessarily. Some people just have larger families!
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    tnspighttnspight member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with you that their gift was just that - a gift.  You can use it how you see fit.  You've chosen to use it for the wedding as opposed to a down payment, honeymoon, etc.  I think that you should explain to both sets of parents that there is a limited amount of space then split the guest list down the middle (each gets to invite 100 or whatever).  One article that I read suggested dividing the list into:1.  Must Have2.  Would Like3.  It'd be niceHave your parents and FILs do that and take the first 100 (or whatever) from each list.  Like someone else mentioned, everyone that you invite won't say yes anyway.
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    ked353ked353 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dont think money has anything to do with it right now. The fact is your 35 people over your capacity. And you cannot invite more people than there is room for.  What if everyone comes? Then what are you going to do? I think that you should tell this to FI and FMIL and see what happens. Tell then they have to cut some people and that the guest list from each side should be fairly even if they both are paying for half. Hope this helps!
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies for all the input. I know I can count on some declines, but I don't want to be stressing about it at the last minute if we do get an unusually high acceptance rate - that would just be my luck that 99% say yes. I think I have a game plan now, FI & I need to go thru the list and get that sucker sorted.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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