Bridal Party Drama: Opinions Please!!

sinnedambition

Welp, we aren't getting married until next Sept and the drama is already flying high!Issue 1: bridal party. We want to scale back out party from 6 to 4. The only way to do this is to cut out his sisters as my bridesmaids. We haven't officially asked anyone to be in our wedding party but it's been thrown around that they would be in it. How can we tastefully say...thanks but no thanks?Issue 2: Tattoos. My sister has a HUGE tattoo on her shoulder. I want strapless gowns. I've asked her to wear cover up on the day of the wedding. She said "if you don't want my tattoos then you don't want me."  I don't have an issue with tattoos, I have them, Fi has them...but none will be visible on the day of the wedding...My sister and I aren't really close to begin with...sooo what should i do? Cut her?

eclipsethecat

1. Just dont ask them. They will understand that that means they arent in the bridal party.2. Two of my BM had nose piercings- I didnt ask them to take them out because they are part of "them." You cant even see them in the pictures. I say let it lie, unless of course, you really dont want your sister in the wedding.

MeghanAshley00

if you havent asked anyone yet, then just dont ask them when the time comes around. if they think they are going to be bridesmaids, you probably have mentioned something to them for them to assume that they are going to be. if you dont want them in the wedding, you are going to have to sit down and have a talk with them. or ask them to be readers or something else to contribute to the wedding.family was the most important thing to me during this wedding planning because without them where would we be? i genuinely wanted his sister involved as much as she could be!i dont think the tattoos should be an issue... you dont ask somebody to be in your wedding because of they way they look, you ask them to be in your wedding because they love and support your relationship & play a meaningful role in your life.

scarywife1026

In honor of McVay, she would say this is why you shouldn't choose your BP so early. If you've already asked the 6 ppl to be in your party, you're gonna have some tension and possibly more drama if you cut 2 ppl, especially if they are his sisters! Unless they didn't really want to do it anyways, then you're fine, but that doesn't happen too often. As for the tattoo...I guess it depends on how important it is to have your sister stand up in your wedding. It's a big part of your day. I can't say I blame her response. You're risking damaging the relationship even more if you cut her. IMO, you need to decide how important these relationships are to you. Cutting anyone out will most likely impact your relationship.

boogerbearoriginal

#1 - what do you mean that its been 'thrown around' that they would be in it? If you/FI haven't specifically asked them then next time it gets mentioned you need to say something to clear things up. #2 - I agree with your sister. Unless this is a seriously offensive tattoo or against church rules or something, you need to get over it. My suggestion is to find a dress or wrap that works to cover it better. I would never dream of eliminating my sister from my wedding day over a tattoo, and my one sister has a tattoo on her neck. 

brusz1lm

1. If you haven't asked them don't. You can always include them in some other way like being readers, if you choose.2. If it really bothers you ask her to wear a wrap for pictures, but ultimately it's a part of who she is. I wouldn't cut your sister IMO.

boogerbearoriginal

And ditto what ppl said about evaluating how important these relationships are to you. It seems like you aren't thinking about the future beyond the wedding day.

ejay

1. My FI and I had a similar situation. He had a lot of friends he felt should stand up but it was important to me that at least one of my brothers stood up with us and the other one was an usher. The way I see it is family first. If it's going to become a huge issue for them not to be bridesmaids then I would figure out how to make it work. 2. I don't like the look of huge tats showing at a formal event either...but she is your sister. I guess it's your call if you want to cut her this early. If I were you though I would hold off for a LONG time before asking anyone to be your bridesmaids, you have more than a year to go and a lot could change between now and then.

corinne2010

1-Simply do not ask the sisters. Why do they have to be cut anyway? Can't you cut two friends to make room for family? If not, don't cut anyone and just have a BP with 6 people. 2-Your sister has a tattoo, get over it. Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal. She's your sister. I understand you don't want ink showing, but like pp said, if it isn't an offensive tattoo let it slide. It's certainly not worth losing a sister over!

ejay

p.s: I think you are very lucky to be blessed with (almost) three sisters!! I don't have any sisters and neither does my FI... I personally would pick my sisters over friends any day, if I had them.

ksunquest

I agree with pp. Ask the sisters to be readers. Are they people who are making the 'cut' over the sisters very close with you? Definitely evaluate relationships. Weddings bring out the worst in people... as for tattoo's. I have on on my shoulder and it was visible my entire wedding day. It really isn't a big deal and if it's on her back part of her shoulder, then it isn't going to be in very many photo's. As long as it isn't horribly offensive, I would let it go. Tattoo cover up looks worse than the actual tattoo, IMO.

sunkissed212

1) If you haven't asked them yet, and you don't want to...then just don't when the time comes. If they assume that they are going to be in it, that's their mistake. Personally, I will be choosing family and friends, but if I needed to eliminate people, it would be my friends. And I hope that they would understand. 2) Tattoo Schmattoo...it's your sister. Sorry if that's harsh. I do understand where you're coming from but your sister is your sister, and in your case, she comes with a tattoo. If that's enough for you to want to cut her then it's your decision but think about the long term effects of a decision like that. Are you willing to sacrifice your relationship with her over a few hours?

sinnedambition

Thanks for all your opinions. Let me just reiterate that my sister and I aren't close...at all...we never have been. And I'm only asking her to cover up 1 of the 5 visible tattoos on that day. I guess I'll just figure this out next year.

ms nobody

does your FI want his sisters in the wedding? how does he feel about his sisters being cut? Why doesn't he have his sisters on his side, then? those women are about to be your family, excluding them would really hurt them and could hurt their relationship with their brother... i've taken the advice from many past knotties: family first. unless they are complete hell beasts, family are some of the only people in your wedding who you will talk to years after your wedding. i've heard more people say "i regret not having family in my wedding" than the alternative. FI had two brothers, i have a brother, three of them are on his side. my sister in law is on my side and their two children are my flower girls. i have no sisters or FSILs, so i'm having a hell of a time narrowing it down to 4 women that i love and will keep in contact with for years and years to come. as for your sister, bfd she has a tattoo. ksunquest hit it on the head when she said it's on her back so it really wont be visible in pics since most are from the front. if it bothers you, pay extra to get it photoshopped out in pics- but if she has coverup, it can rub off on people, and then you'd have a giant mess.

austina_32

1.) Don't ask them. Simple as that. I had a few girlfriends that thought they were going to stand up. I would just not worry about it...they'll feel a little left out at first, but including them in bridesmaid duties, like putting together favors or addressing invites will help avoid a DRAMA-filled wedding. 2.) WHO CARES! It's a tattoo....why did you get one? Because it's something that probably means a lot to you, and you want people to know why. Plus, you're the bride, so everyone's going to be looking at you, not your sister. If it's really that big of a deal, bigger than having your own sister stand up in your wedding, then cut her out. But if I had a sister, no matter how close we were, a tattoo would be the last thing to come between us.

scarywife1026

It's good that you're waiting. You definitely should talk to your FI about how he feels about his sisters involved and how they are involved (BP, readers, etc). Like pp said, think about your relationships beyond the wedding and how your decisions will affect them. I get that you and your sister are not close, but that could change and this could bring you closer, if that's what you want. Cutting her from the BP over 1 tattoo, even though she'll have many others visible, seems like it'll have a negative impact on your relationship based on her response. Is it an offensive tattoo? Or is it just the size that bothers you?

sinnedambition

Is it an offensive tattoo? Or is it just the size that bothers you?It is the size/location/color that bother me. It's on her shoulder/shoulder blade and in very bright reds and yellows and very dark browns/black.When she is walking in front of me it is all I can focus on. As for our relationship: I have made every effort to try and support her, listen to her, etc. She has always chosen friends over family (since she was a teen), and is not very dependable. When my grandma had life threatening surgery she didn't even come to see her (even though she was able/available to do so). I guess over the last few years I haven't agreed with her decisions and view them as selfish and immature. However, I have never told her this. I did mention a few months back that I would be getting strapless gowns for the wedding...and THEN she got the tattoo. I understand it's her life/her tattoo, but it's also MY wedding and I want it to be elegant and amazing. I don't see the big deal with asking her to cover it up. But I guess everyone is going to have their own opinion on it, and mine is obviously in the minority.

austina_32

If she did it just to make you angry/make her stand out, then she obviously isn't handling things in her life very well. If she got it for her, then to accept who she is is all part of being sisters. Either way, what's more important to you? Just answer yourself this...if, for some horrible reason, your sister wasn't around to stand up (beit she's left, deceased or other) would the tattoo even matter anymore?

aldarr

I am in a very similar situation. I have four very close girlfriends who are all standing up. FI also has two sisters he is relatively close to and I have a half sister who I am not close with and did not grow up with. I really did not want 6 or more bridesmaids but ultimately we ended up asking his sisters to stand up with my friends because it was important to him and I am asking my half-sister to do a reading. I think this is something you and your FI need to discuss and come to a mutual decision on. It may be important to him to have them stand up and if so then you may want to reconsider and just have a bigger bridal party even though it is a PITA. As for the tatoo, I know it will probably bother you but most people probably won't even notice it. They will be looking at you! :-) Good Luck!

scarywife1026

I understand what you're saying. I agree that it can go both ways. If she wants to be part of your day, she could be flexible as well. I think what many of us are trying to emphasize is the impact your decision will have on your relationship with your sister (and FSIL's). I wouldn't cut her out because of her tattoo though. It sounds like you're not sure you want her to be in your BP because of your relationship and her past behavior, not just the tattoo. Whatever you decide, good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

LovesPink927

It sounds like you just don't want your sister in your wedding, period.  The tattoo is just a way of saying it nicely. (That is totally not meant to be said in a mean way, just that it kinda seems that the tattoo is the minor issue).  I get that you want your wedding to be elegant and beautiful and I'm sure that it will be, tattoo or no tattoo. The good thing about being the bride is that all eyes will be on you and more than likely not your sister. I hope all of it works out for you!!

l&bbaby

agree with all other PP's.  "but it's also MY wedding and I want it to be elegant and amazing" ... Yes, it is your wedding and keep in mind no-one cares about it as much as you. JMHO.

eclipsethecat

Dont take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you want to use the tattoo as a reason to NOT have her in the wedding. Which in my opinion is better than saying, you know what sis? You are a jerk and I cant stand how immature you are. So it might be an ok thing actually to use as an out.FWIW I didnt have any of my sisters in my bridal party. They are all at least 8 years younger and I decided my college and high school friends were the people I wanted standing up there. I dont expect to be in any of their weddings and it didnt damage our relationship at all. I hope things go smoothly for you!

eclipsethecat

OOO and we all think alike. LOL

ksunquest

I agree with pp - It sounds like you really don't want your sister in your wedding. That is fine, it is your decision. But you need to stand by your decision and not blame the tattoo for the reson - it just sounds really selfish. Yes, I do understand it is YOUR wedding. Honestly, I do. I am just saying that I tried to make a big deal out of a lot of stupid little things and I regret it because in the end, It didn't matter. IMHO I think you are making a big deal out of this tattoo thing and honestly, there are bigger issues with weddings than wether or not someone's tat is showing. However, if it is offensive, than you have a legitimate comlaint.I have a bright red tattoo on my shoulder/shoulder blade and honestly I don't think a lot of people noticed and I was the bride. Here is a link to my pictures for you to see how tattoo's (big, bright red) will look. http://www.pictage.com/659275

boogerbearoriginal

I agree with ppl, it sounds like you are making a big deal out of the tattoo thing because you don't want her in your wedding and are using it as an excuse. However, saying you don't want someone in your wedding because of their appearance sounds selfish and immature to me. I think you would be better off being honest with her and explain that you feel closer to your friends or whoever and would feel more comfortable with them by your side.

ksunquest

just a little story for you. My sister and I are not very close and I ended up kicking her out because she was being a bia and was screaming at me. I have not talked to her since. The tension is very thick when we do see each other (at my parents) and I kid you not when I say we have not spoken since I kicked her out. I was disinvited to my nephews bday party. I will say that I do NOT regret my decision, but I do regret the way the entire situation was handled. Our relationship will NEVER be the same and I barely see my nephew anymore.  

festivegal2008

Katie - Sorry to hear that you're beng deprived of spending time with your nephew.  I think that's what hurts the most.  :-(I ditto everyone else.  BUT....is it important to your FI that his sisters be included as BMs?  Or did you decide this together?  If it's cool with him and you mutually agree over it, then by all means don't ask if you haven't already.  They can always be a part in some other way.  I always believed family was an integral part of BP and the groom's sisters should be part of it, however if you're not close with them that's another issue.  Would you rather have friends instead of them?My only reason for not having Mike's sisters in mine is that there are 4 of them and I couldn't pick and choose; he didn't want that many people standing up and I already have my sister, my 2 cousins and my 2 best friends standing up.  As for the tattoo, I suggest either getting a dress for them that covers it, or take it as it is.  She got a bit defensive over it, IMO but it IS a part of her for the rest of her life.  I definitely wouldn't kick her out...that's opening a pretty heavy can of worms.GL