Question: Guest Dates

lbankovi

so...i know the etiquette that if someone is in a longterm relationship - you 'should' invite the couple to the wedding, not just the one person.But what if I sent out an invite to a family member only addressed to him (he's not in a longterm relationship) and he's asking about bringing a date.  What should I say?  How do I go about saying 'no,' politely? any insight/advice would be appreciated.

sunkissed212

I would just say that you only have space for so many guests. And, explain that since he isn't in a long term or serious relationship that you didn't include a date for him. You could pacify him by saying that possibly, after RSVP's are in, if there is extra space, that he may be able to bring someone. That should at least buy you some time and hopefully he'll either a) forget about it by then or b) at that point you can say that you just don't have room for another guest. It amazes me how bold people can get when it comes to things like this. Really, if it doesn't say guest...it means no guest.

RachelCheetah

Ditto Kim!

thecatsfancy

Maybe I'm too nice, but if I had room for an extra guest, I would let him bring a date.  Within a month of we started dating, I went to 4 weddings with Brian...one of which was his cousin's wedding in Maryland...LOL.  Now, I know that's not the norm for weddings, but I was really grateful to be included despite having only been around for such a short time.  Obviously, he hadn't RSVPd that I was coming (because he didn't know me then), but all of them were really cool when he called and asked if I could come.

leeshab1982

This is something I'm struggling with as I finalize my guest list.  I want to keep the numbers down, but I have a hard time thinking of telling someone in their 20's or 30's that they can't bring a date just because they're not in a "relationship" at the moment.    I was single from the age of about 20-25 and I attended a lot of friends' and coworkers' weddings during that time.  For all of them, I was allowed to bring a guest.  Sometimes I brought a friend, which I have learned (from reading posts on here) that it was probably super annoying to the bride and groom.  I always gave a gift that was enough to cover two people, so to speak.  And to be honest, I probably wouldn't have gone if I didn't bring someone with me.  I wouldn't have been mad at the people for not inviting a guest for me.  I would've totally understood, but I probably would've just sent a gift and not gone.  I'm not good at making new friends in large social settings and I probably would have felt very awkward and lonely!!  Keeping this in mind, I think I will end up inviting people and guest.  But, for you, since he is a family member, I'm assuming he will know a lot of the people there??  If you really can't afford the extra person he wants to bring, you'll just have to tell him, politely, that you can only have a limited number of people in the hall and unfortunately, you don't have room for his date.  I don't think there's any other way to say it.  Hopefully he would understand and just come alone.  If you can swing it, maybe consider letting him bring his date.   

thecatsfancy

I agree with Leesha...she makes a good point.  Just my 2 cents.

aldarr

ditto with Leesha and catsfancy.

scarywife1026

I would let him bring a date. However, I would make sure it's a definite. None of this "I'm gonna try to find a date" stuff. No reason for you to pay for a plate for a date he doesn't have yet.

eclipsethecat

I went to weddings by myself before I met Kevin- I wasnt there to party with some guy, I was there to celebrate with the couple. If it is a family member they obvious know other people there so it isnt like they are going to be alone. Just my two cents- more and more people will try to weasel their way in with dates so be careful how much you bend. (Word WILL get around.)

ms nobody

ditto leesha. Part of the reason i'm seriously considering not giving younger family members +guest if they aren't in a serious relationship (read: engaged or long term partnership) is because they'll know people there, and quite frankly, it's time for family. catch up, spend some serious time with your grandparents and your siblings.

thecatsfancy

I also agree with Ms Nobody.  I am not allowing my younger cousins (17yo and 18yo) to bring dates; however, my 22yo cousin would be allowed to. Also, friends my age (late 20s) are definitely allowed to. I want them to have fun too.  I don't want to them feel uncomfortable or follow me around all night (lol). 

npricelove

I am having th same issue with one of my bridesmaids. She wants to bring her brother as a guest just because she feels like she should have the right to bring someone. Her 12 year old daughter is already coming.. I feel like that should be her guest. We are only allowing children of family members, not friends or co-workers. I feel as if she should feel privileged, that I am allowing her daughter to be there. She thinks I am being selfish...I feel like it's my wedding and I can do what I want!!!

festivegal2008

I'm having the same ordeal, which is why I customized my response cards and will have them printed a month before they're sent out.  I will also explain to them in an e mail the reason for no dates and also decided to mail the OOS invitations first; that way if a lot of no's come in I can maybe worm some guests in for the few single guests we are inviting. I worry about FI's niece who dates, but nothing serious; and also his buddy whose live-in GF just left him.  He made a comment about how he needs to bring a different date and I told Mike he needs to be the one to tell him that there are no dates unless the relationship is long-term.  I can't make an exception for a friend of his when nieces and cousins don't have the option of bringing one.  I have a feeling his GF will be back though.  She always seems to, and they have 2 kids together.   I have her name off to the side just in case. 

lbankovi

thanks for all the advice! I basically said to him that we were hoping that the 'singles would mingle' at the reception - but if feels uncomfortable - then he can bring someone.  I wont be so friendly with others.  This particular family member is escorting my mom to her seat during the ceremony, so i thought I would make a concession.  But only this time.  At $93 pp - i am not just going to let anyone into my shindig!

sunkissed212

Hey lady, I know where your shindig is at and I might just have to crash it! lol just kidding

festivegal2008

Well I just counted up my single guests, and not including OOS cousins and widowed aunts/uncles, there are only about 7 guests that are "unattached."  I suppose if even 5 people from OOS say they can't come, I will go ahead and tell them they can bring a date if they choose to.  I have time to change the response cards.