Speaking of Thank You Notes...

emarston1

The previous post about "how long is too long" reminded me of a story my co-worker told me today.  We got on the subject of TY notes and she mentioned she once attended a shower where she self-addressed her own thank you note!

When they arrived at the shower, the hostess had everyone address an envelope to themselves.  Then the bride used them for her thank yous.  My co-worker didn't even realize what it was for until she got the TY in the mail a few weeks later and she wondered what she had sent to herself.

Seriously?  This is just beyond rude and not to mention lazy!  Anyone else have a crazy story to share?

crhein26

I've heard of this many times.  In fact, almost every shower I have gone to has done this.  Usually you fill out your address and then put it in a basket and the bride draws one or two envelopes out and those women get the door prizes.  And I don't mind.  At least I am getting a thank you.  Just please don't send a thank you that was typed up and printed out with spelling errors!  If you are too lazy to write out a thank you, at least use spell check for crying out loud! 

I've given a wedding gift before, and a gift to someone who just had a baby and never got a thank you from them.  I thought that was darn right rude.  Who cashes a check but can't say thanks????

emarston1

Huh.  I didn't realize it was that popular.  I mean I guess it just rubs me the wrong way and the thank you seems less personal or something.  But I defintely agree that no thank you or a preprinted thank you is much worse.

japow1984

I've had that happen to me before a few times. The whole addressing thing. It makes me cringe. I'm not sure if people don't realize how incredibly tacky it is.
 
 I think the worst thing that's happened to me is not getting a Thank you for a shower or wedding gift from the same person. I know she got the wedding gift because I handed it right to her. I also have a huge MAC & Bedhead makeup collection and let her and her bridesmaids use it on the wedding day. I mean how hard is it to write a Thank You note? I thought that was super rude.

I actually had fun writing the ones for my shower. It really only took like 4 hours. I don't think that's a huge amount of time to let people know how appreciative you are for the time they spent with you and the gift they brought.

ETA: I didn't mean to come off assholish about the address thing. I hope I didn't. It just seems like it wouldn't be that hard to write out the envelope yourself instead of having the person do it for you.

emily1004

I never knew people found that rude. Every wedding and baby shower I have been to, I filled out my address. Like Cori said, it was usually for a game. I refused to have any games at my bridal shower, so I pulled peoples thank you cards for door prizes. Next time I host a shower I guess I won't do that.

Some people think differently I guess. I look at it as rude to have a cash bar at a wedding, but that's just the way my family does it. I know others feel differently.

Gwenwhyfare

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_speaking-of-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:26aaa295-cc1a-476d-9fe1-47d59fa72440Post:bbe62595-0c86-4f65-80e8-6924f36e780d">Re: Speaking of Thank You Notes...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>...I think the worst thing that's happened to me is not getting a Thank you for a shower or wedding gift from the same person.</strong>Posted by japow1984[/QUOTE]

I've had this happen to me, quite a few times all of whom were family members.

japow1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_speaking-of-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:26aaa295-cc1a-476d-9fe1-47d59fa72440Post:9232dbd0-fd65-46fc-82e2-ff5e3fb573f1">Re: Speaking of Thank You Notes...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Speaking of Thank You Notes... : I've had this happen to me, quite a few times all of whom were family members.
Posted by Gwenwhyfare[/QUOTE]

What's the deal?! I don't get it!

emarston1

Wow now I feel like a b!tch.  I didn't realize it was popular with various groups.  I guess if it's considered normal in your circle, then I wouldn't worry about doing it.  My co-worker definitely wasn't used to it and neither was I.

emily1004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_speaking-of-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:26aaa295-cc1a-476d-9fe1-47d59fa72440Post:29bbad5e-b1cd-4395-a02f-6c33be5c8947">Re: Speaking of Thank You Notes...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow now I feel like a b!tch.  I didn't realize it was popular with various groups.  I guess if it's considered normal in your circle, then I wouldn't worry about doing it.  My co-worker definitely wasn't used to it and neither was I.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

<div>I feel like a b*tch for making people fill out their address. I'm a pretty big stickler for etiquette.</div>

emarston1

"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.."

"Do you even go to this school?"

"No, I just have a lot of feelings."

Sorry I'm channelling Mean Girls with this thread-- "I'm sorry, no I'm sorry" type stuff.  I guess the moral of the story is always write a thank you--although we all knew that already   I'm off to bed, hope everyone has a good night

klreese0213

This is also very popular in my circle of family/friends. again, never realized people viewed it as rude. It was just something that pretty much every shower i've been to has done. Agree, that it's usually used as a game/gift offering. pick your envelope and you get a "door prize"... just did this at my sister's shower... didn't realize people thought it was rude. for the record, i have never been offended by doing it. figured it was just one extra way to help out the momma/bride to be by helping her not have to address every envelope. i guess i dont see it as a big deal. it's just an evevelope! it isnt like i wrote my own thank you
which reminds me: a high school friend of mine had a shower and i helped set up for her mom. at the shower as a thank you they handed out bottles of water and ALREADY WROTE thank yous!!!! "thank you for coming to .......baby shower. baby john doe will love what you gave them" (along those lines!) i was SOO offended having helping so much for the day and before hand! (also, they made whoever was "helping" wear black pants and white shirts like we were staff! UGH!

emily1004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_speaking-of-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:26aaa295-cc1a-476d-9fe1-47d59fa72440Post:fdba3511-4c81-4fd8-bba5-890d7171f705">Re: Speaking of Thank You Notes...</a>:
[QUOTE]"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.." "Do you even go to this school?" "No, I just have a lot of feelings." Sorry I'm channelling Mean Girls with this thread-- "I'm sorry, no I'm sorry" type stuff.  I guess the moral of the story is always write a thank you--although we all knew that already ;)  I'm off to bed, hope everyone has a good night :)
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

<div>Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to Taco Bell?
<div><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="3" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="font-size:13px;line-height:17px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div></div>

corinne2010

I posted a similar post a while back and if I remember correctly, I got flamed for it. I think it's super tacky to have guests write out their name and address on an envelope. You can't spend an extra 30 seconds addressing the envelope yourself? Most bridal showers and baby showers I've been to, I've had to fill out my own envelope. I won't refuse to do it, but I think its ridic.

I know there's quite a few people that do this and to each their own on this subject, but there's ways around the whole excuse for using the envelopes for games. We wrote each person's name out on pieces of paper. Worked out great.

Gwenwhyfare

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_speaking-of-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:26aaa295-cc1a-476d-9fe1-47d59fa72440Post:29bbad5e-b1cd-4395-a02f-6c33be5c8947">Re: Speaking of Thank You Notes...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow now I feel like a b!tch.  I didn't realize it was popular with various groups.  I guess if it's considered normal in your circle, then I wouldn't worry about doing it.  My co-worker definitely wasn't used to it and neither was I.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't say this is "normal" in our circle of friends/family. Growing up I always had to write my own thank you cards (birthdays, graduating, etc..). The first time I had to do this I thought it was really bizarre at that time ("Why am I addressing this envelope with my name/address?"). I realized later after not receiving the thank you card why we were asked to do it.

leeshab1982

Addressing thank you notes at the shower is normal in my circle, too.  I honestly can't think of a single shower I've been to where the guests didn't address the envelopes and have names pulled for prizes.  I've never thought twice about it.  Hopefully people didn't leave my shower or the showers I've helped to throw thinking about how incredibly tacky and ridiculous I was. 

emmagfunk03

I've never addressed my own envelope at any shower, baby, wedding, or otherwise. I think it's tacky. : shrug:

cwimer6154

I'm in the "don't ask your guests to fill out their own envelope" group too.  My sister (MOH) wanted to do this at my shower and I vetoed that pretty quickly.  I just think it's not necessary and slightly tacky.  There are other way to give out door prizes at showers without using this tactic. 

I'm even saying this sitting on my couch in a sea of wedding thank you notes! I don't mind hand writing each one out, I think it's more personal that way.  It's just MHO.