Tricky friend situation (long)

sammichele

I should start by saying that I've had a very close knit group of friends since high school, and even before then - girls and guys included, but especially for the girls we have always been friends and I hope we will continue to be.  When choosing my bridesmaids originally I had a really hard time because I have 5 close girl friends, but I also wanted to include my sister and FSIL.  FI on the other hand only has 4 close friends, and so I thought it would be a little extreme to have 7 girls and 4 guys.  So I chose the 3 friends I've known the longest and the 2 sisters (a little less uneven).

Flashforward to now, we're having two separate showers - one for my side and one for FI's side.  FI's mom invited the BMs and my immediate family.  This weekend I heard that one of my close friends who is not a BMs was asking about the shower invitations and how she didn't get one yet, and apparantly seemed a little upset.

Now I'm not sure what to do.  Should I just explain to her that she's only invited to the second shower and that the first is FI's family and BMs only?   Or should I invite her to come along (since at the time I didn't realize that she'd even want to attend both)?  Any other ideas?  I thought that I had mentioned to her there was going to be two showers before, but maybe I didn't after all.

klreese0213

i think i would have a little chat with her explaining to 2 showers. say how you didnt feel it was approperiate to ask her to both because you didnt want to seem gift grabby- if she's a super close friend she'll understand this. I'd offer for her to come to both if she'd like.

rcj2rcd

I would only invite her to your moms shower and explain why. Honestly, you shouldn't have to have this conversation in the first place, but that is beside the point. Also, since FMIL is the host, im not sure it's appropriate for you to extend an invitation - since formal invites have gone out and she has set the guest list, she may be offended. That was my first thought, but may not be applicable given the dynamics of your relationship with FMIL/shower/etc.

sammichele

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_tricky-friend-situation-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:2e9a50bf-8605-45b2-8f4d-9e75df46bfcfPost:f3dcd096-5adf-4da7-88c0-0aa15945b15f">Re: Tricky friend situation (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I would only invite her to your moms shower and explain why. <strong>Honestly, you shouldn't have to have this conversation in the first place, but that is beside the point.</strong> Also, since FMIL is the host, im not sure it's appropriate for you to extend an invitation - since formal invites have gone out and she has set the guest list, she may be offended. That was my first thought, but may not be applicable given the dynamics of your relationship with FMIL/shower/etc.
Posted by rcj2rcd[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with especially the bolded.  I'm not sure why there was a discussion amongst my friends and bridesmaids about the invitations in the first place.  It was probably harmless and unintentional "did you get the invitation" but now it puts me in an awkward position.

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mrsbunyip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_tricky-friend-situation-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:2e9a50bf-8605-45b2-8f4d-9e75df46bfcfPost:439dd925-c88e-4e92-b34e-fd1ea6e6d0f1">Re: Tricky friend situation (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]i think i would have a little chat with her explaining to 2 showers. say how you didnt feel it was approperiate to ask her to both because you didnt want to seem gift grabby- if she's a super close friend she'll understand this. I'd offer for her to come to both if she'd like.
Posted by klreese0213[/QUOTE]
I'd say this.<div>
</div><div>But if you really want to invite her to both, ask FMIL if it's alright. </div>