Michigan-Detroit

Torn...Is bigger really better???

Hi ladies,

Maybe I just need a good kick in the booty! My FI and I always joke about eloping and I've found that we are actually torn between doing the traditional wedding with our guest list of 130 people and between just going up to Mackinac Island and cutting the list to our immediate family and bridal party which would be around 35-40 people.

We already live together...in Japan...and we both have houses in Michigan so it's not like we need another coffee pot and set of dishes to "get us started in life." Part of me feels like just doing the small gig and the other part of me feels like getting married is a special time of bonding with FI as well as friends and family with the showers and rehearsal dinners, etc. Part of it is money too...We can afford the wedding, its just soooooo much fricken money it puts knots in my stomach. Anyone else ever feel this way?!?!?!? Ugh...thanks for listening and letting me vent!!!

Re: Torn...Is bigger really better???

  • edited December 2011
    You can always forgo the shower. You don't need to register for anything. But, if someone offers to throw you one, it's kind of hard to turn it down. Do what your preference is. We wanted the big wedding. All of our family and friends are important to us and it means alot to us that almost all of them will be there with us to share our special day. Do what works for you and your FI and also your budget. A small wedding is nice. That was just not an option for us because of the size of our families.
  • edited December 2011
    To answer your initial question - no, I don't think better is always better. I think a small wedding with immediate friends/family is really cool. But ultimately, its about what's important to you/FI.

    For some the important part is an intimate gathering, for some its all the things about a bigger wedding that you listed. No one else can make that decision for you (unfortunately). Regardless of what you chose you will have a beautiful wedding day and be married to the man you love.

    Money, to me, isn't as important as the experience - you will have the rest of your life to make more money if you chose to do the bigger wedding, the question is would you rather use that money for something else. There's nothing wrong with wanting a small wedding - the industry tells us we MUST have this big affair because its 'the most specialist day eva' but really you can have a small wedding and be 10000% happy with that choice.

    Good luck! Its tough in the begining because you have all these options but take your time to talk it over with FI and you'll come to a decision.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • edited December 2011
    I'm with you. Our guest list is 130 because FI wanted a bigger wedding. I wanted something small and intimate so that we get a chance to spend time and share in the moment with those closest to us versus Uncle Henry's son's wife or whatever. Our rehearsal dinner guest list is 35 (ugh) and to be honest, that's all I really wanted at the wedding.

    But it's my FI's day too and I have to respect his wishes. That being said, I'm not having a shower and we're not having an engagement party. We registered for a few things only because some of our family members mentioned getting us gifts as wedding presents.

    FI is now saying he wished he would have listened to me and didn't invite the extended family...we are getting all of the emails and calls from long-lost relatives who are assuming they are on the invite list. The drama has started and we're still three months out!


  • Julz629Julz629 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it's different for each person -- what they want, what they can afford, etc.  Of course, the idea of going somewhere and having a small personal ceremony is very appealing....especially when we are overwhelmed with a whole bunch of wedding stuff.  However, we are both very close with our immediate and extended families and it would be very difficult for us to not have those people there to celebrate with us.

    Also, our parents are helping us out financially so we are able to afford the big, fancy wedding.  We wouldn't want to go into debt for our wedding so if our parents weren't helping us out, we would definitely have something more scaled down.

    Honestly, the gifts aren't important to us.  We've already decided we're taking whatever money we get and investing it, versus spending it on anything.  Of course, we are grateful for anything that anybody gives us, but that is definitely not a motivating factor in our getting married.  Also, from my experience, you typically get less money in gifts than the money spent on the wedding so you can't count on that (nor should you0.

    I think you need to figure out what is most important to you, your FI, and your families.  Figure it out and stand firm.  Because if you choose the big wedding, I guarantee there will be times where you get stressed and want to chuck it, but it will be worth it in the end...whatever you choose.
    Photobucket Lilypie Second Birthday tickers BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    When I first started planning, I really wanted to do something small.  FI felt it was really important to have all our friends and family there, so we compromised on a medium sized (~100 guests) wedding.  Now that we're almost there, I'm really glad we did it this way!  I'll admit, I'm still a little nervous about being up in front of all those people.  But it makes me so happy to see how many of our friends and family love us enough to travel from out of state just for our wedding!  Having everyone there makes it very special, and I'm so glad I get to have this experience.  Yes, it's a lot of money.  But Erin's right, this really is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you have the rest of your life to make more money.  In the end, it's up to you.  But if there's part of you that feels you'll regret not doing it, I say go for the big wedding!  
  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else, it is a private decision, one you and your fiance have to make with much introspective thought.

    Our wedding is "small-ish" by Knot standards, 100 people will be invited, probably 60 for sure will show. I'm a gal who grew up in the 50's & 60's, and was one of those "girly-girls" who just always dreamed of a wedding. While my life has been bass ackwards, and I have 2 kids already sans marriage, and fiance has been married twice, we both agreed we want small-ish, elegant, the best party we will probably ever throw in our lives. We want to share it with our kids (adults & teens) who will see that even if you wait a long time, there is true love, and people make legal decisions to bind themselves to each other.

    Your wedding is only as elaborate as you make it. You can scale it up or down to whatever you both want it to be. Once you've discussed it and know you have the answer, then follow through.

    Good luck.
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