Question for the younger brides

boogerbearoriginal

Weddingcourt - your story made me sad but omg I laughed about the registry. They registered for 2 of things? Nevermind having company, do they want to do dishes after each meal? That's really sad they are that clueless. Most 20 year olds would at least know to get more dishes than that. I can't believe his parents are in such support of this.

Lakerchic7272

Well I guess I'll jump in here-  I get this question all the time, and I really don't have a perfect answer other than its what we both know to be right for us.  We got engaged shortly after we both turned 20 and will be getting married 19 months later both at age of 21.

Do I think we are too young? No.  Do I think we are a bit unconventional and not normal? Yes.  We fully realize that most people our ages are not at all ready to be married, but we have looked at this very hard and decided that we are ready.  We know that we will face struggles that most do not face together because of our age, but through the years we have been through a lot together.  In even just the last 3 years I can look at how much we have changed together and its exciting to keep growing with him.

We both have very traditional outlooks on life.  Male supporter, head of the family, Woman the heart of the family and the center.  (Read Love and Respect, one of my favorite books ever)  We plan to start having children as soon as FI has a stable job with good health benifits (within the next 2 years) and I plan to stay home and homeschool. To homeschool has been a goal in my life since I was young and that he agrees with.

I guess our traditional views is alot of it, but we know its going to be hard (its hard now!) but worth it for us.

I hope that makes sense- feel free to ask more questions.

sammichele

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_question-younger-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:52d66416-35ec-4b99-bed1-b6dfd717fbb2Post:38e61cfa-8e30-4c25-b9cc-32290594a16b">Re: Question for the younger brides</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question for the younger brides : Yay...thanks for sharing, Sam!  I really appreciate you taking the time to type all that out. I've been reading your blog (on and off) for a while and I will say, you definitely have a maturity that not a lot of people your age have.  I wish you and FI all the happiness in the world. :)
Posted by thecatsfancy[/QUOTE]

Aww thank you :)  And I'm so excited someone has read my blog!  Haha.

thecatsfancy

Lakerchic (Sara, right?), thank you for taking the time to post as well.  It definitely sounds like you, too, have a higher maturity level.

Were you and FI high school sweethearts? 

Lakerchic7272

In response to what Sam said (I must have been typing while it was posted): I totally agree.  FI and I laugh sometimes because we feel out of place in school. Our lives, goals, prioties, actions, ect are so much different than those around us.  We would rather make dinner, sit down with a bottle of wine, balance the check book and then settle in with a movie together for a Saturday night while people around us go out to the bars and get trashed and go to wild parties.  Which isn't all bad, just not for us.

CatsFancy:  Yep you got it right! (Sara)  and no we aren't highschool sweethearts (though we get that all the time, and some people tend to just assume that we are.  I think we give the vibe that we've been together forever and a day)  We met right when we both started college our freshman year.

flamingtwig72

I'm a younger bride. I'll be a month shy of 23 and he'll have just turned 23 when we get married. We're both extremely mature for our age, and we're also in the right stage of life, meaning: we're graduated from college and have stable jobs. This is key, I think. Couples who get married while finishing their undergraduate degrees just make things unnecessarily hard for themselves. It doesn't make any sense. I think it's important to have an income before getting married.

We've been together for three years now (it'll be four when we get married) and never once have we questioned our decision to be together. We've never broken up or come close to it. My response to people who think we're "too young" is this that there are a few key things any couple should consider before getting married: maturity, life goals, stage in life, and time together as a couple. We've considered all of these and made very rational decisions about becoming engaged and getting married. We have the same outlook on life, same ideas about raising children and running the household, and generally we agree on most things. I think we're starting off much better than many couples who are older than us, and honestly, I don't see us facing any more challenges than anyone else due to age. We're mature adults, and we're very smart. We regularly discuss who we are and who we want to become, and we're excited to grow together.

Another reason we're doing this earlier than most people in this country is, like the previous poster, our traditional values and our Christian faith. That  being said, we're not that couple who gets married just to be intimate (unfortunately, I know couples like this). That has absolutely nothing to do with it. However, unlike secular couples, I don't feel the need to go have a career of my own before settling down. I'm ok with him being the breadwinner and me taking care of the home. I do work full-time now and will until we have kids, but I have other female friends who won't think about getting married until they're a successful lawyer or done with med school or whatever the case may be. This isn't a bad thing at all; it's just different.

Hope that answers the question sufficiently!

thecatsfancy

Sara, I have another question for you (if I may)...

You and FI have another year left of school, right?  Why did you decide to get married now rather than wait until after you and FI graduated?

SonaliPop

The average age in the country to get married is 25 for women and 26 for men. I too ask that question about brides who are under the legal drinking age or 22 years old. But, I can't judge - my parents met young, went through lots of difficulties, and have been together for 26 years. My Dad still calls my Mom his girlfriend. Then again, life was different when they were young and we come from a cultural background that is very strong with keeping marriages together.

I'll either be 25 about to turn 26 or 26 by the time my wedding is here (still have yet to figure out the age) and I can't imagine what I'd do if I were 20 or 21 and thinking of getting married.

If I were 20 or 21 and thinking of marrying the boyfriend I was with then, I would be doomed.

I think sometimes people are in love with the idea of the WEDDING and don't realize what the marriage is going to be like. They are excited for all of these amazing fun things and planning and cake tasting and celebrating...and aren't prepared for the bills, the stress, learning how to fight fair, work, in-laws, etc. A lot of people are focused on that ring and that wedding and can't get it together after they're married, and I think that causes so many problems in a lot of the marriages I see. I have had friends who got married and had a huge flashy wedding and got divorced because they were so wrapped up in what they thought it would be and this total fantasy that they didn't work on what they had. Sad.

Lakerchic7272

CatsFancy:  Yeah we each have one more year of school left and getting married before being finished with school was a hard decision for us.  But we had a longer engagement so that we could save (we believe that the wedding costs should be on us not other- same goes for our other bills and expenses)  But we aren't sure where we will be after graduation for sure and so we decided that as far as being able to move together and plan the wedding from an area that we still live in (in the summer at least) would make our lives better.  Something that we felt right for us, but not a desicion that we came to without long discussions together and with our families.

thecatsfancy

Thanks for explaining...I was just curious.  Hopefully, I wasn't being too nosy. 

caitm730

"H lived with his parents until we got married & his fam would constantly call him to mow the lawn or do other jobs around the house. He still had a 19 year old brother living there... I just would get so angry that they expected him to do all this work when he now had a house of his own to take care of. "
Posted by MeghanAshley00

FI and I are both moving out of our parents houses for the first time when we get married. I am so afraid that this is going to happen to him. I've told him a hundred times that he better not EVER go mow the lawn for his dad once we are married, especially because his 20-yr-old brother still lives there and currently sits around and does nothing. I'm glad to hear this has happened to someone else too!

caitm730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_question-younger-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:52d66416-35ec-4b99-bed1-b6dfd717fbb2Post:5b59d9e6-92fd-4909-a1fc-d1bc6251c6fa">Re: Question for the younger brides</a>:
[QUOTE]In response to what Sam said (I must have been typing while it was posted): I totally agree.  FI and I laugh sometimes because we feel out of place in school. Our lives, goals, prioties, actions, ect are so much different than those around us.  <strong>We would rather make dinner, sit down with a bottle of wine, balance the check book and then settle in with a movie together for a Saturday night while people around us go out to the bars and get trashed and go to wild parties.  </strong>Which isn't all bad, just not for us. CatsFancy:  Yep you got it right! (Sara)  and no we aren't highschool sweethearts (though we get that all the time, and some people tend to just assume that we are.  I think we give the vibe that we've been together forever and a day)  We met right when we both started college our freshman year.
Posted by Lakerchic7272[/QUOTE]

This is one of the things that made us realize we were ready to get married. We both enjoy spending time together at home rather than going out to the bar with most of our friends. One night we were in the car on the way home from the bar, and FI said "Ya know, I don't really like doing that. I would rather stay home and just be with you."  We both got it out of our systems by the age of 24... kinda sad :)

macdonam

Okay, I guess I'll chime in here. I'm 22 and will be three months from my 23rd birthday when we get married in October, and he will be a month shy of 26. We met in college when I was a freshman and he was a junior, and I honestly wasn't looking for my future husband, but we fell in love and it's been the most wonderful relationship ever since. We got engaged on our three year anniversary, and we're having a 20-month engagement, so we'll have been together almost 5 years by the time we get married.  I know that I'm young, but at the same time I know that I'm ready. I've always been "young" to do things because I skipped a grade in elementary school, so I've always been a year younger than most of my friends. I am a college graduate from U of M, have a great job as a nurse, live with my fiance, we pay all our own bills, we take vacations together, and I think we are more mature than a lot of our friends.  I think getting married has a lot more to do with maturity than it does with age. There are lots of 22 year olds that are not ready, but then again a lot of 22 year olds are potentially college juniors/seniors and not people with careers.  I know that some people might read this and think "Oh, she's just naive, she doesn't know the world yet at 22" and that's fine, I'm not going to justify myself, but I know what I know about our relationship and it is just as strong as a couple who is in their 30s or 70s. At our premarital counseling session, the counselor said we reminded her of "an old married couple", which she meant as a compliment, considering our age, and she felt that we had a maturity about us that most 20-somethings don't have.  A lot of people in their early 20s are interested in being with their girlfriends and traveling and figuring themselves out, and we're interested in being together, traveling together, and doing all the things some of our single friends do... but doing it together, because that's what makes us happiest!

megcameron

I am actually 20, I am getting married in May of 2011.  I guess tihs question all depends on the type of person that you are to be honest.  I am a very goal oriented person and consider myself to be quite mature for my age.  I finished high school at 17 graduated college at 19 and also bought my first house a year ago this month.  I met my fiance through eharmony this past fall after a bad breakup with my high school sweetheart.  The issue with us was that i was ready to settle down etc and he wanted to party and have the "college experience".  So, i guess for those of you who couldn't imagine getting married young think of this, what kind of person were you at 20?  Were to grounded with long term goals or did you live life for the moment?  I definately have my stuff together and when you meet that person that you feel like you have known forever and things just click, I can't imagine doing anything else but marrying him.  P.S. he is 25 which i think makes us a better match in terms of maturity. 

thecatsfancy

^ Meg, congrats on graduating college at 19 and buying your first house!  Those are awesome accomplishments!

I have a friend who graduated HS at 16, college at 20 (pre-med), and is now a head EMT who teaches college courses in Toledo on the side...all at the age of 26.  She amazes me.

Lakerchic7272

CatsFancy: You weren't too nosy at all.  If it bothered me to have people ask, then I wouldn't have chimed in at all.

I think that my general idea on the topic is that you have to know yourself, your relationship and what you want from life.  Many girls said that they felt to young at 25 or 30, but others who are younger know what they want and so its more of an honestly with yourselves.  I think all the responses have been great and such a good thread to read today!

thecatsfancy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_question-younger-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:52d66416-35ec-4b99-bed1-b6dfd717fbb2Post:f75fbfa4-578a-4c58-be86-f1a041807006">Re: Question for the younger brides</a>:
[QUOTE] I think all the responses have been great and such a good thread to read today!
Posted by Lakerchic7272[/QUOTE]

I agree 100000%.  This is a great, eye-opening thread and I truly hope it doesn't die off.

cwilt

I guess I am a younger bride, although I had thought that I was getting married a little later- and it is later than quite a few girls I know.
I am 22 and my FI will turn 22 on our honeymoon. We've known each other all through college. He decided the 2nd semester his freshman year that he wanted to marry me, and after a summer and another semester finally convinced me that he was the one for me.
I actually didn't expect him to ask me to marry him till he was done with grad school, but he asked me earlier. I have a full time job, he has good work, and we have found a cute little apartment for our first home together.
Both of us are from very conservative Christian homes.
Part of the reason we are getting married now is that everything has fallen into place so nicely. Neither of us are in to partying, although we enjoy time with friends. Neither of us really want to experiment with other people. I love my fiance with all my heart, and we both think that we will be able to work better together, than we will apart.

teeniegreenie

I think I may be a "younger bride"....got engaged at 22, married at 24. Had been dating my DH since we were 15. I went to MSU for college, and he went to school closer to home. Those four years of "distance" were key I believe. I was able to find myself...as they say...at colllege. He proposed spring of my senior year and we spent the next two years planning the wedding. Not sure that waiting any longer would have changed anything, but I know we wouldn't have been ready any sooner then my last year of college. Prior to that I varied between seeing myself as his girlfriend and seeing myself as Jessica. We had ups and downs in the relationship in college because of that, but in the long run we're better because of it. I now am both Jessica and his wife-it's a nice balance

k-nem

I don't know if anyone's still reading this thread but here goes LOL

Bryan and I had fun in college, but in our own ways, we've been forced to figure out our priorities before many of our peers. Bryan lost his brother 10 years ago and had a lot of growing up to do at 13. His family survived, his parents' marriage survived, and while tragic, it has put everything in perfect perspective for him ever since.

I dealt with my own family losses and (treatable) mental illness during college when many of my friends were enjoying themselves and making few sacrifices. Once the bottom fell out for me, I could either withdraw into depression or re-evaluate what I wanted my life to be. Choosing the latter, and drawing support from Bryan even during the infancy of our relationship, has made me the happiest and healthiest I have been in my entire life.

We are very aligned in how we see the world and in knowing what gives us real happiness. Both of us being so family-oriented, showing the ability to be kind and selfless and loving even when it's hardest, convinced us both beyond a shadow of a doubt that we would be in it for the long haul.

Edit: I should also add I've been self-sufficient (including health insurance) and paying for college for the past 2 years and have held the same job for 4 years. Bryan just finished his Masters and, due to his paid internships, has been maxing out his Roth IRA since he was 17. In other words, we are anal about our finances

jamenyha

Completely agree with the maturity thing!!! We got engaged when I was 21 and i will be 23 when we get married (he will be 30). Because of life situations,  I was forced to grow up fast and am mature beyond my years. I did the college thing, tried partying, which was not for me. I think it completely is all about how mature the both of you are and your relationship, it has nothing to do with age, that's just a number.