Engagement party DRAMA- sorry, long

picklesmurphy

I alrealy posted in pre-wedding parties, but I would like my hometown girls expertise! The hall is Barnstormer. Any one have and experiance with them? Thanks guys!!

FI and I have been together 5+ years and have talked about getting married for at least 2. He finally asked Dad (YAY) and we are engaged! So I went to my first bridal show and won a free engagement party. It is from a good reviewed hall (wedding wire) and is a pretty decent package: free hall, hot and cold apps, white linens, dj, etc for up to 125 people. It includes a cash bar and balloon decor (yuck and yuck) but what do you want for free. They will even send out invites. 

So here's the problems. The hall is at least an hour and a half away from 90% of who would be invited. At $3+ dollars a gallon I hate to drag all my loved ones to the other side of town for apps! I don't know who of my side will show. Out of my 44 family members I assume around 30 might come. Everyone who knows us has obviously met us both, and his in-town family consists of his parents and sister. It would be nice to introduce them to my side, but it might be a little much all at once.  I DO NOT want presents (even for the shower i know will come) we both had homes that we combined, and our garage is FULL of stuff we don't have room for. I didn't want a engagement party for that exact reason. It's bad enough people will spend money on us for the shower. No one will be surprised we're engaged, it's been 5 friggen' years!

But it seems like a waste not to have it. It is free, and will probably be fun (if anyone shows up...) I know I can't throw my own party, so there is that. Do I put on the invite "party given by hall?" I know it's faux pas to put no gifts. but seriously, I feel like if you drive a hour and a half for me, to me, it's a gift. Ok that got out of hand long. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I got rear ended on my drive home from the wedding show and this is my main drama? Weddings do make you nuts lol!!

[Deleted User]

First, glad you are ok from the car accident!

You sould TOTALLY take up their offer for the free party.  You can invite people to the engagement party that you might-not invite to the wedding.  So if the place holds 125, invite ALL of your friends, co-workers, family etc.  I'll even come...haha!  Just go out and have fun...make it a huge party. 

That's all the advice have! 

**I'm an idiot....don't follow this advice, as the others have stated.  Sorry....not enough sleep last night!

Meg1036

I think if its legitimate, and you talk to some people/make sure they are willing to come, I would do it.

That said, since you are talking about a lot less people than the 125, I would see about hosting drinks, since 1) it's nice and 2) you seem uncomfortable with people spending a lot of money on this.

I wouldn't worry about gifts, or putting "no gifts" on invites.  Don't register, and quietly spread the word (which is easy to do, since it sounds like its mostly family), and I think the most anyone will bring for you is wine or maybe a picture frame.  Or at least that's how it is in my family (although most of the time, we don't have engagement parties).

Julz629

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_engagement-party-drama-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:70a6c59e-9c81-4a48-bd9a-8867bc2e507bPost:902d4a9c-6666-4b06-a344-f1506e7d7f20">Re: Engagement party DRAMA- sorry, long</a>:
[QUOTE]First, glad you are ok from the car accident! You sould TOTALLY take up their offer for the free party.  <strong>You can invite people to the engagement party that you might-not invite to the wedding.  So if the place holds 125, invite ALL of your friends, co-workers, family etc. </strong> I'll even come...haha!  Just go out and have fun...make it a huge party.  That's all the advice have! 
Posted by hamiltks10[/QUOTE]

DO NOT do this.  Only invite people that you intend on inviting to your wedding.

With that being said....onto your other questions.  I would ask the hall if there is any flexibility -- i.e. would they offer beer and wine if you only invite 60 people?  With regards to throwing your own party, that's generally not considered good etiquette, but would your parents be willing to technically host?

Also, one other comment.  You mentioned no gifts for the engagement party OR your shower.  If this is the case, I would just pass on a shower altogether.  The point of a shower is to "shower the bride with gifts" so you can't really have a gift-less wedding shower.

Congrats, and good luck!!

emarston1

Ditto Julie - do NOT invite people to any pre-wedding parties if they aren't for sure invited to the wedding.  Extremely Rude.

Could you just call it a get together and not have it be an e-party?  Could the hall just not set up the balloons and other decorations?  Or if the hall can'tt do that, ask your parents if they'd like to host it (even though they wouldn't have to do anything.)

Also, I would just invite who you want to be there and not really make judgement calls about whether they will come or not.  People may surprise you.

mybestfriendsfuturemrs

I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but it seems like everyone I know, including myself has won a free engagement party by Barnstormer's.  I heard that they don't do just your party, they actually do multiples at the same time.  To me, I didn't like the sound of it and it doesn't seem as intimate and personal. 

Ditto PP.  I would forego the party if you are not wanting gifts and I would only invite people that you are actually inviting to the wedding if you were to choose to do it.