Etiquette on a canceled/rescheduled shower

zulamay

Since my dad got sick, my aunt cancelled my family's shower.  We had to go down to Arkansas to spend time with my dad, and we were both emotionally and physically exhausted.  She had my grandma call everyone and say the shower was cancelled.  Now my aunt wants to re-schedule the shower for after the wedding...I'm not sure if I'm crossing some line here?  It's just my dad's extended family who is invited, a small group of ladies.  So, everyone is connected with my dad and family and would understand the rescheduling. Just wondering how tacky it would be to have it after the wedding?  We cancelled it a week out so I imagine a bunch of people had gifts sitting around their houses.  I figured I'd just get those now as wedding gifts, but my aunt is really about this re-scheduling idea.  Not sure what to do? 

baileyleev

I have a feeling you will get mixed responses here. But I think if it's mostly close family and friends they would absolutely understand and I don't see the problem with it!  Are you guys moving to a new place together? Would it be possible to make it a shower/house warming? 

Also if it's just a small close group, wouldn't it be possible to do it in a couple weeks? You could just do a small informal shower at a friend or family members house? 

Good luck! And sorry to hear about your Dad!

Jashley05

I think under the circumstances, and that the guests are part of your dad's family, it would be ok. I don't think it comes off in a negative light or anything. It seems like your aunt doesn't want you to miss out on the shower experience. Like bailey said, maybe combine it with a housewarming party.

Meg1036

I think I would not reschedule.  Technically, its wrong from an etiquette persepctive, but as you say, it sounds like this crowd would understand.   Mostly, I wouldn't reschedule because I think it would be weird to have a shower after the wedding - everyone was just together for the main event, and you're trying to settle in as newlyweds.  Perhaps the fact that I am just ready for my wedding to be OVER is showing in this post.

Maybe you could just host a co-ed housewarming after the wedding for everyone?  For some reason, that seems better to me.

And I'm still really sorry about your dad, and glad that he is doing better.

LOTON01

I think that under these circumstance it would be okay to reschedule after the wedding. Sometimes etiquette an't always be followed when certain circumstance, like your dad being ill come into play.

I would say just decide soon because people will either send you the gifts they already bought or plan on giving them to you for the wedding.

Meegles4

Well, since I know you're not likely to have a housewarming just yet, I'd assume that's out :-)

I do think calling it a "shower" might be a little odd. But, I could totally see just having a party and removing the label. Your aunt could spin it that even though the shower had to be cancelled, she'd still like to have everyone get together and celebrate the marriage and the continued improvement of your dad's health. Some people might bring gifts, but some might not. At this point, it'd just be more of a casual get-together than an actual shower. So, then I also wouldn't do any shower games or anything else that was planned that screamed "shower".

klreese0213

i agree with Bailey, when she says- if it's a small group, is it possible to have it in a couple weeks. maybe a week or two before the wedding.
i think everyone would understand rescheduling, however i think people would likely bring their gift (likely already bought) to the wedding.

As for what some PP mentioned about a house warming- IMO i think that's more tacky then rescheduling the initial shower. but again.. thats just my opinion.

i personally would try to do it before the wedding. but would understand after the wedding, but would NOT call it a house warming.

zulamay

Hmmm ok...lots of ideas here!  As Meegles said, we can't do a housewarming because FI and I will continue to live in different states.  We also can't do something before the wedding because we are going back to Arkansas to the hospital - first my aunt and then me.  (We're taking shifts.)  So I think everyone here agrees that after the wedding would be odd, so I think I'll talk to my aunt about just keeping it cancelled. (All of the family will be at the wedding, so again no point in just re-grouping.)  If she's uber disappointed I'll let her take me out to dinner or something.