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Just Curious

How many of you have had cold feet at some point during the wedding planning? Or has FI had cold feet?
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Re: Just Curious

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    lndskellylndskelly member
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    edited December 2011
    Well, while my wedding isn't for another 24 days, my FI and I got legally hitched about a year and a half ago (I needed health insurance but we couldn't make the big wedding happen at that time). 

    And lemme tell you, I was flipping out before we got legally married. He would leave cabinet doors open and I would think "OMG how can I marry someone that cannot shut a cabinet door? He'll leave them open when we have kids and my babies will drink beach and die!" So, basically I lost my mind a little right before we signed the papers legally binding us together :)

    I think it's totally normal to second guess lots of things before the wedding, especially with the pressure of the wedding going well on top of the worries about marrying someone - I'm so thankful I do not have to conquer both fears at the same time. 

    I never got anywhere close to calling it off or not doing it, I just had doubts and talked it through with my FI and people who I am close with. 



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    edited December 2011
    Haha I love the cabinet story.  I don't think FI will ever get cold feet, but that is just him.  I second guess everything and lately the idea of "Forever" has been a lot less comforting than it was a a few months ago.  I love him and I think it is more the concern that I will hurt him later in life.  I am sure I am just being crazy and I'll get over it...it's just been bugging me for a day or two. 
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    lndskellylndskelly member
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    edited December 2011
    I think it's difficult to "see the forest through the trees" when the wedding starts to get closer and those little worries or irritations explode into really huge things. 

    Personally, I try not to think about "forever". Of course, when I got legally married I went into it wanting it to be "forever" - hell we have matching "always always" tattoos :) And so far so good, but honestly, people change and sometimes people do really hurtful things to each other. I did my best picking someone I thought I could make forever happen with but if it doesn't turn out that way, and especially if he does something really hurtful some upteen number of years down the road, I would walk away from the marriage. Not everyone's belief systems allows this though, but it can make "forever" feel less daunting when you have an out if sh*t goes sour. 

    P.S. If things went bad I would of course try things to make it better (therapy) but if that didn't work I'd leave. 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_just-curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:80f2e5bb-b715-4431-899f-b147450e8c07Post:8abf1b51-4e3a-48a7-9898-6d7358836c6e">Re: Just Curious</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's difficult to "see the forest through the trees" when the wedding starts to get closer and those little worries or irritations explode into really huge things.  Personally, I try not to think about "forever". Of course, when I got legally married I went into it wanting it to be "forever" - hell we have matching "always always" tattoos :) And so far so good, but honestly, people change and sometimes people do really hurtful things to each other. I did my best picking someone I thought I could make forever happen with but if it doesn't turn out that way, and especially if he does something really hurtful some upteen number of years down the road, I would walk away from the marriage. Not everyone's belief systems allows this though, but it can make "forever" feel less daunting when you have an out if sh*t goes sour.  P.S. If things went bad I would of course try things to make it better (therapy) but if that didn't work I'd leave. 
    Posted by lndskelly[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Thanks for posting this.  It helps a lot to think this way.  I've been struggling with cold feet, but I tend not to think of anything as "forever."  With your post you made me realize I was thinking about the wedding like I used to think about jobs when I first graduated from college.  I would put so much pressure on myself thinking "I have to get this job that will last the rest of my career, have health insurance, and pay $$$$."  HAHAHA.  Two jobs later, in two different industries, and a year of unemployment, I realize that what I had set for expectations was so unrealistic.  I think I'm doing the same now with the wedding.  Marriage is not going to be like they make it out to be.  It's not happy romance all the time - it's work and it's a lot of compromise.  No one told me how hard it was to compromise when in a relationship, they just sold the happy romance crap! :D  But I look at my parents, who have been married over 25 years, and how many ups and downs they have had, and I think....well, if those two polar opposite people can make it work, then I can. :)  </div>
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_just-curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:80f2e5bb-b715-4431-899f-b147450e8c07Post:83029df0-95c8-4089-81f9-9e509649121b">Re: Just Curious</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, while my wedding isn't for another 24 days, my FI and I got legally hitched about a year and a half ago (I needed health insurance but we couldn't make the big wedding happen at that time).  And lemme tell you, I was flipping out before we got legally married. 
    Posted by lndskelly[/QUOTE]
    I didn't know there was anyone else on the Det board doing the same thing we are!  We got married 7/14/09 and are getting married in Church 7/13/12.  <div>
    </div><div>Anyhoo, I didn't get cold feet, just extremely nervous.  Hubby apparently took a shot of tequila (my in-law's took a bottle of tequila with them to Ohio?) and a valium before we got hitched.  For us, we had more of a, "Really?  You're going to keep leaving your dirty socks on the floor?" moments and "Your mom does your laundry and cleans your room?  Oh no..." moments, but we've been alright since then.  </div>
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    edited December 2011
    FI has yet to get cold feet and I doubt he ever will.. which is a great thing, [:

    As for me, I don't know if I've gotten cold feet but I've thought about things that sometimes bug me (like the cabinet story above) but then after I think about it, I'll see him and my heart melts so I know it's love, haha
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