invites for showers & wedding - etiquette question

zulamay

I understand the rule is that those who aren't invited to the wedding shouldn't be invited to the shower.  My FMIL is working with the hosts to plan a shower in her small town, and there are 7 additional people on the shower list that aren't invited to the wedding.  FMIL had the opportunity to review the wedding invite list, so she knows who is on the list.  I requested that we only invite people on the wedding list to the shower.  FMIL actually claimed they were all on the wedding list, but they aren't.  Essentially, the shower has turned into a way for FMIL to have a big party in her small town. 

I don't know what to do.  If I invite these 7 people, I doubt they'd come to the wedding, but I feel like I'd be asking for two gifts.  I already feel that I'm appearing to be greedy by inviting the 7 people to the shower -  they are a mix of FMIL's cousins and her co-workers from work.  I've met two of the 7.  Help!

Meg1036

You have 2 choices
1) Invite the seven to the wedding
2) Be clear with FMIL that the 7 are not invited to the wedding, so it is not appropriate to have them at the shower.  It's actually possible she thinks they're invited.

I wouldn't feel like inviting them to the wedding is inappropriate- if they are FMIL's friends, I don't think they'll see it as you asking for gifts (it looks much worse to only have them at the shower).  Also, don't count on the them not attending - you just never know.

In my case, I would probaby pursue the second option, just because I wouldn't want an extra 5 people at my wedding/shower that I don't know, but either one is fine.

emarston1

Ditto PP.

zulamay

blahhh.... I was hoping for another alternative. lol!  I think that I'll take the gamble and if these 7 people want to drive the 8 hours to get to the wedding (they live in IL) then I'll have happy to have them.  The good thing about a quasi-destination wedding is that it helps determine who your real friends are.