Michigan-Detroit

Not so Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wow, I just remember that this is going to be a sucky thanksgiving. It'll be the 1 year anniversary of the death of my BIL. I was very close to him and he was so looking forward to our wedding but never made it.

My sister is still a mess and I cannot even imagine what she'll be going through. She will be spending thanksgiving alone. She no longer speaks to me. Long story short she thought I treated her like crap when she came for our wedding. She got mad because I talked back to her. We fought the entire time she was here. I felt like she wanted me to give her some special treatment which I couldn't because I was planning the wedding
 I even apologised for whatever she thought I did. I've sent her emails and she doesn't respond. I can only reach out but so many times. We were very close and don't think we will ever be close again. Anyway this is going to be a very sad thanksgiving for her and especially for me because I no longer have that closeness that I had with her and I miss my BIL terribly . She is also the eldest so you would think she'd know better.

Re: Not so Happy Thanksgiving!!

  • edited December 2011
    that is heartbreaking! you will be in my t&p during the holiday season! i hope your sister realizes that family is everything during tough times... 
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Meghan. I think she had a lot on her mind when she came for the wedding including her husband not being there. I hope she does come around.
  • edited December 2011
    That's really difficult Lisa, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this!  The grieving process is a tough thing, and makes people behave in irrational ways sometimes, so don't be too hard on your sister.  And even though it's really hard, don't put a limit on how many times you'll reach out to your sister.  My mom and my aunt were in a fight for years and didn't speak, but then her sister died unexpectedly and she never got a chance to make up.  I know it still bothers my mom.  Even if it's just a holiday card once a year, don't give up on her!
  • Julz629Julz629 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear about that Lisa.  I agree with PP, don't limit how many times you reach out to her.  One of my good friends from HS was going through a rough spot in life and cut off all communication with everyone.  I kept reaching out to him around the holidays, birthdays, etc.  Just a short note to let him know that I hoped he was doing well and I was thinking of him.  About 3 years of that and he finally responded back and now we talk and see each other pretty regularly.

    I can't even imagine the pain that she (and you!) must be going through.  And even though she may not respond, I'm sure a quick email or voicemail from you may be the reminder that she needs to know you're there for her when she's ready to talk talk.

    I'm thinking of you and your family.
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  • sunkissed212sunkissed212 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Lisa, that's tough. I will be thinking of your family on Thanksgiving. I, too, hope that she comes around and realizes that holding a grudge isn't going to fix things. Hopefully the holidays will help her realize what's really important in life.
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  • edited December 2011
    I wont put a limit on how many times I reach out to her. She never takes my phone calls so I leave her messages, I also send her pictures. Right now our mum is our go between. I ask my mum about her and vice versa. This really stupid but oh well. I will be calling her for thanksgiving just to say hi.


    Thank you ladies. I thought weddings were suppose to bring families together. I feel like mine has been ripped apart at the seam. My sister is like a mother to me and its just really hard having to deal with all this crap.
  • ms nobodyms nobody member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ugh! i'm so sorry the holiday season is kicking-off with a fight. :(

    just keep that door open for her, no matter how frustrating it gets, or how often she doesn't respond. she'll come around. it's easy to get wrapped up in your own feelings and your own grief sometimes and project your needs onto other people, and i'm sure she's having a rough go of it, and just really needs that extra push to see that people care and they're willing to give her some extra consideration knowing what she's going through right now. 

    she'll get there. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Hey Lisa,
    I feel terrible for what you and sister are going through.I can't imagaine losing a husband! I know that has her messed up in so many different ways. I think sooned or later she will come around. Like PP, just reach out to her as much as you can and don't give up on her. I'm sure it was hard for her to just be happy for you and give you the needed attention during your wedding, due to her situation. But just do what you can. I wish you the bestUndecided
  • edited December 2011
    Lisa - this is way late but I am so sorry to hear about this. I'm sure she is just going through the grieving process and things will turn around. Stay strong! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ahhh...Lisa, I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine what you and your family are going through. I hope that she gets past this and reconnects with you. Lots of love & hugs....
  • edited December 2011
    Wow...how did I miss this post yesterday??  Lisa, I am so sorry you're having a rough time.  I will pray that your sister will realize she misses you and makes the holidays a time to forgive.
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