Vent - Mom

My mom is starting to drive me crazy to the point where I want her to have nothing to do with the wedding.  Usually my mom and I get along pretty well but whenever either of us talks about anything wedding related she looses it. 

Today was kinda the bottom line for me and I'm ready to just tell her to show up the day of and beyond that I'm not involving her in anything or talking to her about any details.  Tomorrow I'm going dress shopping for the first time.  My mom, FMIL, and a BM will be going with me.  When I first asked my mom if she wanted to go a few weeks ago she didn't have a problem and was actually kinda excited to go (even told her the other people would be going too).  Today, I called her to see if she wanted me to pick her up or us to meet her and she completely forgot about it.  Then she asked if anyone else was going and when I said who, she flipped.  She was so mad my FMIL is going that I'm not sure if I even want her there anymore.  She complained about it saying, "why is she going?  She's just your FMIL! It should just be me and you, no one else brings other people."  What I don't get is they get along and have known each other for 7 years now.  I told her that I wanted others to go so I could get more opinions and that most people bring others with them.  When I told her I wish she told me before I asked them to come too she hung up the phone on me.  Now I hope she doesn't come and ruin it for me and make me end up crying and kicking her out of the store because her behavior and lack of support.  I don't get it, she has always been there for me and even made up for the lack of support/thought from my dad.  Something I was looking so forward to just hours ago is now killed and I don't even want to go.... ugh.

Re: Vent - Mom

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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's a very emotional day for moms and daughters.  I can understand why your mom would want it just you and her, especially if it's been just the two of you for awhile.  That being said, she definitely should have said something to you before you invited the others.

    Dress shopping can be a wake up call that the wedding is really happening.  So emotions can run wild.  It sucks but don't let it ruin your time tomorrow :)  Have lots of fun, cry if you want to (happy tears though!) and good luck with the dresses. 

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    larzhopelarzhope member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with Liz.... I live in Seattle and my mom was devastated and not being able to come shop with me.  She ended up flying out and was adamant that I pick my dress while she was there (nothing like a little pressure for a huge decision!).  Just take a deep breath and try to put yourself in your mom's shoes.  Just reasure her that your opinion is important.

    I would definitely not kick her out of the store... that line kind of took me by surprise.  If she starts being unsupportive, just ignore her.  Besides,  you can always call it quits for the day and go back again without her if it starts getting out of hand.
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    edited December 2011
    Back when we were planning our original wedding, and my mom was still alive, I told her I was going to make the appointment to try on dresses.  At the time she was very sick (congestive heart failure and a lot more stuff- she was 75), so she said she'd see how she was feeling.  She ended up not feeling well, so I went with my MOH, a BM, and a friend.  My mom asked if my FMIL, and I said I wasn't sure.  I told her if my mom wasn't going to be there, I probably wouldn't invite FMIL.  Well, I went and tried on dresses, got home, and my mom started flipping out on me.  "Did she go?  Why are you lying to me?"  I think she was jealous or something.  I think she felt like it was something to share between a mother and daughter and no one else.  Mind you, she was 75 and very old-fashioned.  She also wasn't paying for my dress or anything, so she would have just been there for support and opinions.  
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    Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else's posts. A mother and daughter shopping for the daughter's wedding dress has always (historically) been something that belongs to the 2 of them. She gave birth to you, raised you, and believes it is her privelege alone. Yes, it's old fashioned. Yes she should have told you.

    Hopefully everything worked out ok. If you don't find your dress this weekend, I'd probably plan a couple of outings with just your mom.........does it feel like capitulating to her wishes? Sure. Will it make the time special for her? Yes. Trust me (as an old lady who is old enough to be MOB), in the end, when all is said and done in life, we only have our memories to sustain us. Give her these memories.

    I personally wouldn't react the way she did, but I'm a different person. Also, if she's menopausal, that can make things REALLY hard for her. I've been there, done that, LOL.
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