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How would you feel about this?

We asked FI's neice to be our FG, FSIL's 7 year old daughter. She is a FG in a wedding this summer as well, and they immediately asked if she could wear the same dress for both weddings as long as I liked it. They said it has a purple sash and they will remove that and put a red one on instead but that they would show me pictures first to make sure I liked it.  This all started back in late December.

Well, I never saw the dress until recently when pics showed up on facebook and I really do not like it at all.  They also have already started changing the color of the sash and no one even asked if I liked the dress or showed me pictures of it. 

I would say it would be okay for me to select a different dress as I never actually said I was okay with that one or liked it at all, but it's not worth the battle and I am going to keep my trap shut.  However, would it bug you if they never even showed you pictures of the dress after saying they would?

ETA: Venting to FI about it...just the fact I am annoyed about the principle of the whole thing more than the dress itself. He keeps saying we will just get a different dress....no big deal.  Yet I know women, and that could cause an all out war with his mom and sister which is so not worth it. 
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Re: How would you feel about this?

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    larzhopelarzhope member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    personally, I don't think this is a battle you should fight, esp if you think it's going to cause ripples. 

    you just have to ask yourself how important the dress is?
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    missmelanie81missmelanie81 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree....I think there are way more important details in the wedding then the FG dress. The first time I was married, we had a similar issue, though it was just a friend of the family. I hated her dress, but in the end I never really even noticed it the day of the wedding. Plus, FG dresses arnt cheap and they usually only get to wear them once.
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    edited December 2011
    With family, you have to pick your battles. Unless the dress is hands down the ugliest thing ever, then I would just go with it. They took you not saying anything as your agreement to the dress. In this case, if you want her to have a different dress, you'll have to buy it yourself. However, JIC, try Flowergirldressshop.com. My FG got her dress there for about $30.
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    Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else.........pick your battles.

    FWIW, I purchased FG dress and RB outfit for my future step-grandkids; their mom, my future step-daughter got pregnant, and her Marine hubby just got transfered to NC from CA...they can't attend the wedding......so, I'm stuck with the expense of those outfits, as we ordered them last summer when they were here and provided input. I'll probably sell them with the rest of my wedding stuff after the wedding.
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    edited December 2011
    yea, as I said in my original post, there is no way I would ever say anything to them about it.  Just curious if anyone else would be annoyed that they were never even shown the dress before making a decision.
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    edited December 2011
    I'd be really annoyed by that.  If it's really important to you to have a different dress, I'd just purchase the dress myself for the FG.  That way you have the dress you want, and they don't have to buy two FG dresses this year.  Maybe just say, "That dress doesn't really go with the vision we have for our wedding" and then tell them that you'll buy the other dress for her.  I don't really think that that would be offensive.  (But I didn't have a FG, so what do I know? lol)

    I feel like as long as you have a decent relationship with the FG's mom, this is a pretty easy problem to solve.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_would-feel-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:adeab668-992c-4d60-9d48-8bafb9c391d2Post:ca2ed05f-8809-4164-ac73-f1d4e29bdfd7">Re: How would you feel about this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd be really annoyed by that.  If it's really important to you to have a different dress, I'd just purchase the dress myself for the FG.  That way you have the dress you want, and they don't have to buy two FG dresses this year.  Maybe just say, "That dress doesn't really go with the vision we have for our wedding" and then tell them that you'll buy the other dress for her.  I don't really think that that would be offensive.  (But I didn't have a FG, so what do I know? lol) I feel like as long as you have a decent relationship with the FG's mom, this is a pretty easy problem to solve.
    Posted by abbeylynne06[/QUOTE]

    FI and I talked about going that route. I have a great relationship with FSIL and FMIL but I am worried that would cause an unneccessary bump in our relationship.   Basically I am uncomfortable with any possible solution that would result in me getting my way, so I'm going to suck it up.  I am just hoping the dress is more ivory in person.  They said it was ivory but the pictures make it look bright white...the first thing FI said when he saw FG dress pictures was, isn't your dress ivory? 
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    edited December 2011
    I really think the only way you could get around this is by buying the new fg dress and then saying I just feel in love with this and had to have it. Otherwise I agree pick your battles.

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_would-feel-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:adeab668-992c-4d60-9d48-8bafb9c391d2Post:f1abab5d-4fb8-4cc6-9e06-363e339531c6">Re: How would you feel about this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How would you feel about this? : FI and I talked about going that route. I have a great relationship with FSIL and FMIL <strong>but I am worried that would cause an unneccessary bump in our relationship</strong>.   Basically I am uncomfortable with any possible solution that would result in me getting my way, so I'm going to suck it up.  I am just hoping the dress is more ivory in person.  They said it was ivory but the pictures make it look bright white...the first thing FI said when he saw FG dress pictures was, isn't your dress ivory? 
    Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]

    I honestly don't think it would be a big deal, especially if you had your FI be the messanger on this (being that it's his family).  As long as they're reasonable people, I can't imagine being mad that someone provided my daughter with a different dress to wear, you know?  I would just hate for you to HATE the dress and have it stick out to you in pictures and all of that. 
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    edited December 2011
    I would be annoyed - and you have a right to mention that you haven't seen the dress, regardlessof what you have decided is going to happen regarding the ugly FG dress.  They negotiated a deal and should expect to be held to that agreement.
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    courtney1188courtney1188 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_would-feel-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:adeab668-992c-4d60-9d48-8bafb9c391d2Post:2a1a49c6-a876-480e-99ad-47a996f2e948">Re: How would you feel about this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How would you feel about this? : I honestly don't think it would be a big deal, especially if you had your FI be the messanger on this (being that it's his family).  As long as they're reasonable people, I can't imagine being mad that someone provided my daughter with a different dress to wear, you know?  I would just hate for you to HATE the dress and have it stick out to you in pictures and all of that. 
    Posted by abbeylynne06[/QUOTE]

    I don't know about that, I can totally see my FMIL judging me if I did this. She is huge on penny pinching and would think it was ridiculous that she can't just wear the same dress, that I wasted money on a new one, blah blah blah. Depends on the person.
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    edited December 2011
    I'd definitely be annoyed ... especially since they still haven't showed you photos (even though you've seen it) or asked your opinion. PP mentioned flowergirldressshop.com and I'm looking right now, they have some decent stuff for under $50. And I understand it's not so much about the dress anymore but more about the situation and that would really bug me. ]:
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    amyn1919amyn1919 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally i'm pretty laid back...i would just go with the dress they already have. At the end of the day the FG dress isn't that important or crucial in the wedding day. You have to thonk about the money they are spending on their daughter and to buy 2 dresses might not be budget friendly for them....like other girls said...pick your battles with family.
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    edited December 2011
      I might be annoyed, but I'd get over it quickly. To me it's not worth the fuss over. Ther little girl has already worn the dress once, so she's probably going to be more comfortable in it than in a new dress. Also, it's possible your FSIL was changing the sash so you'd have a better idea of what it would look like before she showed you. My FG and RB (both girls) are both wearing matching dresses that are black and white. I'm wearing ivory as well as FI and the GM, but the dresses are cute and they were only $13.
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