Michigan-Detroit
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Vent! Any Advice?

I need to vent about my Bridesmaids!!This is going to be a tid bit long...so here it goes.

I have three bridesmaids. I wish I could say they were super helpful...but Im not sure I can even say they are helpful. FI and I got engaged last 4th of July, picked our bridal party fairly quickly. Do you know since then I have yet to one time get all three of my girls in one place at one time? Really?!? They never could get things together to go dress shopping. It was pretty much a chore to get them to come with me for my dress shopping, and for theirs to try styles on. No one could come to my dress fitting...except my FSIL (who is 16, and didnt want to be a bridesmaid due t past expierence in her moms re-marriage..anyhow). Now its down to one month..and I am trying very hard to get them all together to go over wedding plans, and wedding day timelines and things I need them to do, projects I need a hand on, etc. My MOH emailed me the other day and told me we cant have my Bacholorette Party on the day planned now because she will going to a wedding, so now I have to figure out a whole new plan. Heres the added kicker!  One of my bridesmaids is getting married 2 weeks before us! And they are in our wedding, FI and I are in theres! (and that was their doing to pick the date so close to ours btw, whole other story)

I just feel like my wedding is a big inconvience to everyone in it! It seems like no one can try hard enough to make time to get together. No one offers to help me with things. I have yet to see all my girls in their dresses together (they all have diffrent styles.) I understand they all have alife...but really? Is it so hard to schedule one lousy day to get together! I have let them all know how I feel about this, but it seems like a big joke...like "Oh hahaha! Well at least we will all get together on your actual wedding day!" they all better make it to rehersal...I am sooo not a Bridezilla....but I am reaching my breaking point!

Any advice on how to remedy the situation?!?!? I am so burnt out and done with wedding planning...I need help and no one cares!!

Sorry for the rant...I feel better now, lol. Just wondering if anyone has delt with this, and what you did...or any suggestions on how to get them together!
Photobucket ~Kat~ wedding websites

Re: Vent! Any Advice?

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    edited December 2011
    I don't have any advice for you, but I am sorry you have to go through all this just to get 5 people together in one room.  It's hard to be the bride, because technically the maids aren't obligated to do much else besides stand there on your wedding day, but on the other hand you really hope they would want to help out and share in some of the excitement with you. That's how I feel about it anyhow. When I am a bm I am usually all up in the brides business offering to help, but it's different for everyone. Hope it works out!!
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    edited December 2011
    No advice because as much as my BMs are helpful, I just never needed much. They picked out their own dresses and I never thought twice about going to my dress fittings alone. I guess I don't understand the need to have them drive 20 miles to see me try on my dress.

    These are things you can definetly do on your own! I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything but I guess you just thought they would be more excited then they are :/
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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry you're frustrated.  Like PP said, you would hope they would want to help, but they aren't obligated to.  While it would be nice to get them all together, it's really not necessary.  3 of my BM are out of state and the closest I came was when 4 of the were at my bachelorette party and shower.

    It's hard to hear, but no one else is as excited about your wedding as you (and your FI) are.  What projects do you need their help with?  It's one thing if they offer to help, but I wouldn't require them to.  My sister (MOH) went dress shopping with me, but besides that, my bridesmaids haven't done anything related to me wedding.  That's what the moms and my FI are for.  Honestly, I would feel bad making them get together to assemble invites, or favors, or whatever.  So while they might now show the level of enthusiasm that you want them to, realize that you are having them stand up for you because they are your friends...not because you need their help planning.

    Regarding timelines or any details, an email should suffice with that.  All I told my girls was what time hair and make-up was, and what time they needed to be dressed.  I don't feel like I need to go over the entire timeline with them regarding pictures, dances, etc. because they will just go with the flow the day of.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh, that's not my intention.  And if you need people to ooh and aah over everything, that's what this board is for!!
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    japow1984japow1984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just accepted early on that my bridal party really didn't give a shiitt. Anything I wanted help with or advice on I just asked my mom. I've completely done everything myself and everything has worked out. As long as they have their dresses and are there on the wedding day on time, i've just made that my only concern about them. I guess my advice is to just distance yourself from it and don't let it hurt your feelings. It's a lot easier said than done. But it really has worked out a lot better for me and has kept me from stressing.
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    edited December 2011
    i guess it just sucks because its one of those things where they say one thing do another. Thats what I get frusterated about. That and the lack of communication with everyone. The follow through is lacking. And I think because my mom lives out of state...I was hoping, they, or at least my best friend, would be there to help me pick  stuff out It kinda sucked (for me at least) to go try on wedding dresses alone here and there.

    But what can you do right! Vent..and be done. I think things will be easier when my mom gets in to town soon!

    Thanks for letting me vent ladies! lol. I feel better now.
    Photobucket ~Kat~ wedding websites
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    edited December 2011

    What I did to communicate with my BM was to e-mail them all once in a while. I guess I got lucky. My BM were eager to help and my MOH was awesome. Seriously. I did have a couple BM that weren't really around much of the planning, but I wasn't bothered by it because they weren't obligated to do any of that stuff. If you have things you need to bring up to them, send an e-mail. For the day of timeline, try to do that at the rehearsal. Normally that's when you go over it anyway because all the guys and the girls will be there.

    It may be too late to start the whole e-mail thing. Just know that it's almost done and you won't have to worry about it. It does suck that your BM don't want to help you with projects. But again, they're not obligated. Can you get your FMIL or FI or your mom or an aunt or a close friend to help you out? Toward the end I had people working on a ton of stuff and I'm glad they all offered. Some didn't offer, but I gave them the job anyway LOL.

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    japow1984japow1984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_vent-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b5e1deb4-cc34-4b76-b0db-a0363ac6f845Post:93c8d977-ee0f-459f-8b47-644612458783">Re: Vent! Any Advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i guess it just sucks because its one of those things where they say one thing do another. Thats what I get frusterated about. That and the lack of communication with everyone. The follow through is lacking. And I think because my mom lives out of state...I was hoping, they, or at least my best friend, would be there to help me pick  stuff out It kinda sucked (for me at least) to go try on wedding dresses alone here and there. But what can you do right! Vent..and be done. I think things will be easier when my mom gets in to town soon! Thanks for letting me vent ladies! lol. I feel better now.
    Posted by Starkissedpirate[/QUOTE]

    Venting helps too!! The best part about it is you only have another month and you don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm looking forward to that part. I hope they pull through for you at the end! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
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    edited December 2011
    thanks girls.

    it will be a good..busy...month!
    Photobucket ~Kat~ wedding websites
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah, my girls are flung across the country, I went to my fitting alone, picked their dresses out by myself, etc. It happens. But no worries, next month, they'll be there in spades! :)
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