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TY note questions

I have a few questions that I would like opinions on: 

1) I have a few people who didn't give me gifts -- should I send them thank yous for attending?  I know this topic is debated, and technically, the reception is their thank you.  My sister sent them because she had several gifts without cards and she was trying to locate their owners, but that's not the case for me.  I think it's fine either way -- but what are your thoughts?

2) There are several families where my cousins are older and/or in college.  They would give me one gift and sign it "The Smith Family."  Is one blanket thank you note OK?  Or should I send individual ones...similar to the way I send invites?

3) I have a check that bounced.  And I am shocked because it was from my aunt and uncle and it was a very generous amount.  I have no intention of saying anything about it, but I am kind of surprised she hasn't said anything to me about it since it was probably an oversight and I'm sure she'd be horrified if she realized what happened.  So....what do I do for the thank you???

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Re: TY note questions

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    sunkissed212sunkissed212 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1) I sent them a thank you.  I realize the reception is their thank you technically, but I thanked them for being there and sharing in our special day anyway. I had the cards so I figured might as well.

    2) I sent one card to "the family"

    3)  This one is tricky. I think if it were me I would probably thank them for the money, and maybe that would jog their memory in case they haven't noticed that the check bounced yet. I don't know but I guess that's the way I would approach it if I were in your shoes.
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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_ty-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b67f8655-93f0-4878-bb64-af3183b07f37Post:b4a3589b-3606-4031-9b5d-2667e2bc34c0">Re: TY note questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]3)  This one is tricky. I think if it were me I would probably thank them for the money, and maybe that would jog their memory in case they haven't noticed that the check bounced yet. I don't know but I guess that's the way I would approach it if I were in your shoes.
    Posted by sunkissed212[/QUOTE]

    Ugh.  I am so torn on this.  I feel like if I thank them for the money, and they KNOW the check bounced, then they will think I am being phony.

    I am also extremely conflicted about what to do when/if I hear from my aunt about it bouncing.  Do I act nonchalant about it and pretend I hadn't noticed, or do I tell her I realized it?  I know I will be uncomfortable either way.  It's not the check bouncing that I care about -- it's the fact that I don't want to make them feel awkward or uncomfortable about whatever happened.
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    sunkissed212sunkissed212 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://detroit.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_ty-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b67f8655-93f0-4878-bb64-af3183b07f37Post:e70022b9-927e-49fc-b61c-81ac94a73524">Re: TY note questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: TY note questions : Ugh.  I am so torn on this.  I feel like if I thank them for the money, and they KNOW the check bounced, then they will think I am being phony. I am also extremely conflicted about what to do when/if I hear from my aunt about it bouncing.  Do I act nonchalant about it and pretend I hadn't noticed, or do I tell her I realized it?  I know I will be uncomfortable either way.  It's not the check bouncing that I care about -- it's the fact that I don't want to make them feel awkward or uncomfortable about whatever happened.
    Posted by jholbel[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, this is a crappy one for sure...I totally understand how you feel. You don't want to make people feel awkward and it's probably inevitable with this one. Is there any way you could mention it to your mom or dad and they could bring it up? I'm not sure if that's even the best way to handle it either but sometimes it's easier for moms/dads to talk to their siblings about stuff like that than it is coming from us. Just a thought. 
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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_ty-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b67f8655-93f0-4878-bb64-af3183b07f37Post:b918b943-621e-4add-aa7b-ac03d43f7699">Re: TY note questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: TY note questions : Yeah, this is a crappy one for sure...I totally understand how you feel. You don't want to make people feel awkward and it's probably inevitable with this one. Is there any way you could mention it to your mom or dad and they could bring it up? I'm not sure if that's even the best way to handle it either but sometimes it's easier for moms/dads to talk to their siblings about stuff like that than it is coming from us. Just a thought. 
    Posted by sunkissed212[/QUOTE]

    By aunt, it's actually my mom's second cousin...just a family we've always been close to so it's easier to call her aunt.  So it's not exactly as easy as a parent talking to their sibling.

    And that's the thing -- I don't want to ask them about the check.  I don't care if I never get the money.  I just don't want to not send a thank you and have them think I'm calling them out on a bounced check.  But I don't want to send it and lie. 

    Ugh.  I have another week or two til I'm done with thank yous so I think I'll sit on this til the very end in case it resolves itself by then.  And if not, maybe I can write a very generic thank you, "thank you for coming and celebrating with us...I am so glad you were able to share our special day...blah blah blah."
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    edited December 2011
    Sometimes I find the best way to handle an uncomfortable situtaion is make it known that you are feeling uncomfortable.  I guess if this was my aunt I would ignore it. I would send a thank you, and thank them for sharing in your day.  If she every brings up to you that the check bounced, I would say I noticed that but I had no idea how or if to bring it up.  I am sure she is feeling just as uncomfortable as you...if not more so!

    Good Luck!
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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, and I have a 4th question?

    How the hell do I thank the person that gave me the super sharp knives that I stabbed myself with -- resulting in an ER visit, hand surgery, mucho pain, and having my hand wrapped for a month?!?

    (just kidding...the knives were a shower gift and I thanked her pre-me-being-an-idiot)
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_ty-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b67f8655-93f0-4878-bb64-af3183b07f37Post:51c12a5c-5395-4863-b608-9f1a24e9492c">Re: TY note questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, and I have a 4th question? How the hell do I thank the person that gave me the super sharp knives that I stabbed myself with -- resulting in an ER visit, hand surgery, mucho pain, and having my hand wrapped for a month?!? (just kidding...the knives were a shower gift and I thanked her pre-me-being-an-idiot)
    Posted by jholbel[/QUOTE]

    How about "just wanted to thank you again for the great knives. I'm becoming a whiz in the kitchen and using them regularly. Your gift also gave me the added benefit of learning all about my husband's insurance plan and the views at the local hospital. These knives are truly the gift that keeps on giving."
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    edited December 2011
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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_ty-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b67f8655-93f0-4878-bb64-af3183b07f37Post:80609ca6-1ffd-46ce-9459-bec824bff8d5">Re: TY note questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: TY note questions : How about "just wanted to thank you again for the great knives. I'm becoming a whiz in the kitchen and using them regularly. Your gift also gave me the added benefit of learning all about my husband's insurance plan and the views at the local hospital. These knives are truly the gift that keeps on giving."
    Posted by Kelki[/QUOTE]

    Classic, love this!  But I think the rest of the answers have been covered but I'll throw my 2 cents in about the complicated question.  I would send them a thank you because regardless, it was a nice gesture (even if the check bounced) which was their intention.  This may trigger the aunt to say something because if this was me I would be MORTIFIED that someone's gift check bounced and would want to rectify it immediately.

    Although just make sure they give you a cashier's check next time ;)
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    edited December 2011

    I'm tardy to the party but here's my two cents...

    1. I'm not sending thank you's to the people that didn't get us gifts. I do realize the reception is their thank you. And I also realize that you should not expect gifts. But my reasoning behind not sending thank you's to those that did not get us anything is, I can't keep track of the ones that didn't get us anything. There are a couple people (my cousin included) that was invited to the shower, but didn't come because she threw her back out. I saw her multiple times between the shower and the wedding and she kept saying she had a shower gift for us, but always happened to forget it. So I figured she'd just bring it to the wedding. Nope. Didn't get anything. And that's fine, but don't tell me you have a gift for us and then lie...rant over.

    2. I sent one card to the entire family


    3. I like July's response. Don't even mention the check. Then if your aunt brings it up, tell her what happened.


    Side note: I had this happen to me but it wasn't a wedding gift. A friend gave me a check for something and I went to cash it and it wasn't accepted. I wanted to tell her, but then felt uncomfortable. I finally worked up enough courage to explain to her that the bank didn't allow me to deposit it. The conversation went something like this: "Hey I just want to let you know so you didn't think I forgot to cash your check, but I took it the other day and the teller wouldn't let me. He wouldn't tell me why, just that I wasn't allowed to cash the check." She was very appreciative and my whole thinking is, if I write a check and someone can't cash it, I want to know about it because you plan on that money being deducted.

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    Julz629Julz629 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_ty-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:b67f8655-93f0-4878-bb64-af3183b07f37Post:c84ce9ac-e391-4cea-aca3-4ab0b54a1117">Re: TY note questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Side note: I had this happen to me but it wasn't a wedding gift. A friend gave me a check for something and I went to cash it and it wasn't accepted. I wanted to tell her, but then felt uncomfortable. I finally worked up enough courage to explain to her that the bank didn't allow me to deposit it. The conversation went something like this: "Hey I just want to let you know so you didn't think I forgot to cash your check, but I took it the other day and the teller wouldn't let me. He wouldn't tell me why, just that I wasn't allowed to cash the check." She was very appreciative and my whole thinking is, if I write a check and someone can't cash it, I want to know about it because you plan on that money being deducted.
    Posted by corinne2010[/QUOTE]

    If someone way paying me money for something, I would have a much easier time bringing it up.  It would still be awkward, but if it was something they OWED me, I would be more inclined to get it.  But this is a gift so it's completely different.  I am sure they are counting on that money being deducted, but I am not going to go knocking on their door asking for it since it was a gift.
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    edited December 2011
    1. I plan on sending TYs to people that come to the reception. I have a lot of OOT guests coming and I would consider that their gift to us. If I get another gift, great, but I don't expect it and I want OOT people to know how important it was that they came to celebrate with us.

    2.  I would send one TY to the whole family.

    3. Tough situation. I would send a TY stating how glad you were they celebrated with you and say something vague about their generosity/thoughtfulness. I wouldn't actually mention money or a check since it bounced. If they say anything down the road, I would just tell them that you were uncomfortable bringing it up because you were just happy they came and considered that a gift in itself.
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