NWR: Are you gonna make FI/DH give up his "toys"?

missmelanie81

So I was just on the radio on 96.3! Very cool! LOL. ANyways, they were talking about a lady who wants her husband to sell his "crotch rocket" cause they just had a baby, but he has  had the bike since they were dating..and if she was in the right or wrong.

I called in to say she was in the wrong. My FI has one and has had it long before we started dating. While we wont have kids of our own, I did come into this relationship with 2 kids. while I do ask him to be responsible on it, I would never expect him to give up something he loves to do because we are married. Every person has something they enjoy and thats his. Actually Ive learned to enjoy it too. Have a pink helmet and jacket now.

So whats your take on it?

LOTON01

FI doesn't really have any toys. His vice that many people might feel he should give up is gambling. However, he doesn't have a problem and does it once in awhile so I have no issues.

He also goes to Vegas once a year with 8 guys and they have been going forever. He always does the same thing spend way to much money playing black jack and go to the strip club. Neither thing bothers me because its a once in a year thing.

mlynn1223

My FI also does not have toys but he does drink (not an alcoholic) and does enjoy A LOT of sports.  Does it frustrate me at times that he would rather watch a baseball game then do something with me?  Sure.  However, I know it is important to him and I would never ask him to give it up.  Just as I would never expect him to ask me to give up running or working out.  These are things couples have to work through and find a compromise.  If you knew about it and still entered into a relationship then I feel you knew what you were getting into and have no right to ask him to give it up.  

carpediem27

FI toys are his video games and occasionally comic books. I dont really mind either as long as he doesnt let them consume his whole day. He is really good about not playing Xbox games while I am home and playing computer games instead so he is not taking up our only tv. My biggest complaint is when he drops money on a game and beats it in a week, that feels like a waste of money to me but he is good about renting games first if he thinks that will be a problem. I would never as him to give them up because he enjoys them so much!

matuofm

The only thing that I can think of that might fall into this category is DH's handguns.  He has two, and I have never been a fan of guns.  I have made peace with the fact that they're lurking in the safe in our closet, but if we were to have kids, I can see myself freaking out about that and wanting him to get rid of them.  Not to say that that's necessarily  right - I can just see myself going that way.

I have definitely dated people who had habits/hobbies that I felt that I'd want them to give up if we got married - mostly things that I considered a little "immature," like an excessive love of video games or comic books.  But that's also one of the reasons that I didn't consider them marriage material in the first place - because they were sort of immature.  I think that sometimes women want guys to give up the toys because they're really trying to eradicate the personality trait they don't like.  And there's just no doing that.

Klyn1983

FI has a bunch of toys that I can't imagine telling him to quit. For instance, he has a truck that is his "baby" and he's fixing it up. He has 2 or 3 guns for hunting and a handgun for the home, and I'm sure he wants to get more but he has to wait until after the wedding. He also plays video games, but I like when he goes and plays because it gives me some quiet time to read whatever book I'm reading. (or browse TK!) He also has him monthly poker nights, gives him time with the guys and me a much needed break as well. 

The only thing that I am trying to reason with him about is motorcycles. He wants one BADLY, but after watching so many of my friends & family get injured or die...I don't want him to have one. Especially since we plan on having kids right after the wedding. 

sparkles776

My FI has a lot of toys.  He has a motorcycle which I have never been on, hes only had it for a couple of years, so he said hes not comfortable taking me yet. Even though I am not a huge fan of it, he loves it so I would never ask him to give it up.  He loves his video games but doesnt really play them that much, usually when I am not around or it gives me time to catch up on here.  He also has 3 handguns. They totally freak me out. They are usually locked up in the safe but occasionally I find them in the drawers in my kitchen lol. 2 are for work and 1 is for personal use, so I know they are never going away. I think I would eventually( after wedding is over) like to learn how to use them and load them, if they are in my house, I feel like I should know how to use them.

Milsey32

I would not make him give anything up if he enjoys doing it, however, on days he is not working I make him fully aware that I do not want him to be sitting around playing video games all day long when he could be doing something productive (laundry, cleaning, preparing dinner, doing HW, going for a run, etc.) - I don't care that he plays games, but as long as it doesn't consume him. He generally limits himself (not MY demands) to an hour a day (on days he plays... which isn't everyday). 

matuofm

I didn't hear the original broadcast, so I didn't hear the specifics of the woman being discussed.  But in general, I can say that there might be a few reasonable reasons she's demanding that he give up the motorcycle that I'd be okay with:

(1) Now that they have kid(s), they're short on money and they both have to give up expensive hobbies in order to take care of their family.  If we were struggling and my husband had a convertible that he only used in the summer as well as his winter car, I'd be strongly suggesting that he get rid of that second car, no matter how fun it is.  Also, maybe he doesn't really ride much anyway, but is insisting on keeping it around for sentimental reasons when they could use the money.

(2) I see a rationality to demanding that you/your husband stop participating in hobbies that could result in serious bodily harm now that you have children.  Skydiving/Base Jumping/Russian Roulette?  Not any more, buddy.  You just have to be more responsible with your personal safety when you have a child to think about.  Is a motorcycle dangerous enough to warrant this?  That's up for debate.  And it certainly seems like something they should have discussed pre-baby.

(3) You participate in a hobby that you wouldn't want your child emulating.  Again, whether motorcycles fall into this category is up for debate.

(4) This sounds an awful lot like the demand of a woman whose whole life has turned upside down, who's given up every minute of her free time and realizes she's very little other than "responsible mom" now, but whose husband thinks that his life hasn't changed much at all.  Passive aggressive, yes, but this sounds like the demand of a person who's finding herself doing way more than her 50% of the parenting and is pissed about it.

acaponi87

FI doesn't really have "toys". He said that when I'm pregnant he'd stop drinking with me (cute but I told him it's unneccessary).I'd imagine that when we start a family any of his toys will be family related...for example I know he really wants a boat but that'd be so we can all go out together like his family does.

MMRoberts11

My FI has a number of video games and swords.  I'd never ask him to give them up since I know when he's playing/working with them he's happy it's "his time" for the most part.  Plus, we do stuff together with them occasionally.  Even if my FI had a crotch rocket I wouldn't make him give it up (he wants one). 

xoxohispanicgirl

I guess my FI's "toys" are his golf clubs.  He starts golfing in March all the way thru November.  Since he is my slave during the winter months, I don't try to deprive him too much (unless there is something that can't be done on a week day and I need his help with).  Hopefully.....he will slow down for the next 6 weeks because our wedding is on 5/5.  I expect him to hit the courses again on 5/12.

Thumper1148

My husband has a tn of toys.  Motorcycle, video games, comics, sports, etc.  This list goes on.  LOL!  But some of those are my toys too.  I love comic books and love riding on the motorcycle with him.  Sports are his thing, but it allows me to have my time too.  I would never ask him to give up something he loves.  His toys/hobbies where around before I showed up.  I feel in love with him (all of him includes his toys/obessions)  Seems unfair to ask him to give those up.