Michigan-Detroit

Help! Words of advice and thoughts needed

2 things:

Do you or did you invite your Wedding Party's sig. others or dates to your RD? No one in our WP is married or engaged to anyone, and our Rehersal itself is at 4, dinner probably about 5:30 6 ish. We originally were not inviting Sig. others to the RD, but now i'm starting to question it based on what i've read. We want a really small intimate RD with just close family and our wedding party. What did you or are you going to do?

2. Are you having 2 showers? My FMIL wants to throw me a shower and invite a lot of her extended family (most of whom I've only met maybe once) My mom thinks this is totally rude and not appropriate as she feels that my MOH should be the only one hosting a shower. (but I thought it was wrong/rude to expect my MOH to host a shower with about 30 people) I don't really mind 2 showers per se, but my dilemma now is do I invite my Bridal Party to both showers, and does my mom attend both showers?

TIA!

Re: Help! Words of advice and thoughts needed

  • tnspighttnspight member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are inviting SOs.  We have two suites for the rehearsal night (Fri), so we're just going upstairs and having take out (prob Bucca di Beppo).  There'll be plenty of room.  If your WP are bringing dates to the wedding, you could invite them, too.  I am of the opinion that since it's your day, do what you want and don't worry about convention. 

    As far as the B shower, could FMIL get with MoH to plan one shower.  I can see why your mom might think it rude to have people you don't know well  give you gifts.  But then, you aren't asking for them, FMIL wants to do this for you.  GL
  • edited December 2011
    We invited SO's to RD, but only a few actually brought them.

    I had three showers (I also had a wedding of about 250 people). One was hosted my MIL, one by my aunts and uncles and one by a close family friend. Half the people at the one hosted by my MIL were people I only met a few times prior, but I saw it as an opportunity to get to know those people. And at the wedding, I was glad I had. I don't think its rude for her to throw one as long as the people attending the shower are also invited to the wedding. And I'll note that my MOH only hosted my B-party, but the majority of my BM's (I had 8, eek, I know but it worked out great!) were at all three of my showers. Do what works best for you!
  • efabianefabian member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    1. Most of our BP is married so I plan on inviting their significant others, but ours will be a less-than formal event. As someone in a BP I would appreciate having the option to bring my sig other (if I was married or in a serious relationship) but would understand if it was a budget thing.
    2. I didn't want to two showers, but if I had more than one person who wanted to throw one for me I would let them do it. As far as your bridesmaids, I would tell them about both showers and let them pick one they want to attend (or both if they want). I wouldn't expect them to plan/attend both though.
  • sunkissed212sunkissed212 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    1. I think it's totally up to you if you want to invite your BP's significant others to the RD or not. If you want a small, intimate dinner with just family and BP then don't invite them to the dinner but maybe invite them for drinks afterwards? That's just an idea. I don't think you're obligated by any means to invite them to the RD if you don't want to.

    2. Shower...I will probably end up having 2. FMIL/FSIL (FSIL will be a BM) will host one for FI's side of the family and my MOH will host one for my side of the family. I think it's perfectly acceptable to have multiple showers and as pp said, it's a good opportunity to meet distant or more extended family relatives that you may not have met already, or maybe just once or twice prior. However, be certain that anyone invited to the shower is going to be invited to the wedding. It would be considered rude to invite people to a shower and then not extend an invitation to them to the wedding itself. We almost had an issue with this as FMIL got all excited about hosting a shower and wanted to invite tons of people but we had to stop her because those people are not on the guest list for the wedding, and we wanted to make sure she didn't invite them to the shower without understanding why that's not the right thing to do.
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  • edited December 2011
    1. It is up to you on whether to invite SO's to the RD. We have a mix of friends who are married or in serious relationships. In those cases, they will be invited. But FI has some friends that are not in close relationships and those people will not be allowed to bring a random person. The RD should be about the BP getting together, not meeting a GM flavor of the week, IMO. You do what you want. I've been in many weddings and have always had the option to bring FI with me. He didn't care if he was invited or not. So some people may not care.

    2. I think I am only having one shower. I don't think it's rude your FMIL wants to throw a shower. Is having one big shower out of the question? As for the BM going to both, I would have them come to both, but stress that they don't need to get a gift for both. That can get a little expensive!
  • edited December 2011
    1. We invited SO's to the RD, but most of them are married or in a long term relationship. If they were not in either type of relationship, I wouldn't have included them. Our RD turned into a bit of a party afterwards because we had a lot of OOT family come that night & we included them in the dinner, which was at a bar w/ pizza, salad, & bread.

    2. I had 2 showers. My mom threw one, and my MIL's friends threw the other. It was tradition for MIL's friends to do that I guess, and my mom was fine w/ it. I don't see why your mom cares. It's not rude & it saves your MOH some headache unless your MIL was willing to plan & pay for her guests.
    My mom & MIL, as well as the BP were invited to both. I did not expect my BP to go to both, but they did. My showers were pretty far apart too. My mom's was in July, and the other was in September.
  • edited December 2011
    1. I'm inviting SO but 3/4s of my BP is family and is married/almost married.

    2.I am having one shower.  But, if you really want one could you combine them and have your FMIL pay your MOH for the additional guests?
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  • edited December 2011
    Ok I think i've figured it out.... Thanks for all of your thoughts/ advice

    I am inviting SO's. I flat out asked my BP last night what they thought/expected and they said they didn't care and weren't sure if their SO's would come. Fair enough, they are invited (our WP is small anyway)

    As for the shower, I told my FMIL I only wanted 1 shower. Partly due to stress and the fact that my FI felt it was a huge Finacial burden for his parents. (They are throwing a way over the top RD which I didn't mention)  I'm on the fence about it still. I don't want to offend anyone on FI's side of the family, but I tend to like really small close family/friend type stuff. It doesn't help that FI's parents and FI talk poorly about their extended family - it doesn't exactly make me excited to spend a day with them at my shower.

    So I e-mailed FMIL about it, and gave her a list of people I thought I'd like to come to just one shower. Immediate family on both sides, and friends of both families. I'm not sure how she'll react, and i'm prepared for her to tell me it's imperative that I have extended family come. In that case, i'll figure something out lol.
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