Vent: He just doesn't get it!!!

zulamay

My FI made me so mad tonight.  It seems like every single time I get really excited about wedding planning and have a bunch of ideas, he squashes them. For example, tonight I found map cufflinks on Etsy, and they are on sale. Before he even looked at a picture of them, he killed the idea.  He said "Why do the guys have to wear map-themed things?  The girls aren't wearing map-themed dresses."  Well no dear, girls wouldn't wear that because it would be tacky, but nice cufflinks that fit the wedding theme are stylish and make for great detail pictures. (Plus I was considering wrapping the girls' bouquets in map fabric.)  All of this idea-bashing makes the wedding planning miserable for me.  I wanted to elope, and he insisted on a big wedding, and now I'm the one stuck planning it.  It's so da** frustrating!

sammichele

My FI has done this to me too.  I'll spend forever pouring over some idea or another or narrow vendors to a few I like and he'll somehow find a reason to call it a no-go.  I've just started forcing him to be included in the preliminary research on everything now because it's too annoying!

courtney1188

Luckily my FI doesn't idea bash, but we would definitely need to have a talk about it if he did since I've basically planned everything. Although I'm about to move job locations and it turns out I might not be able to make it to our bridal show where the tasting is happening, so that is one very big thing he might end up having to do alone.

Are you guys having some sort of map/travel theme? it seems weird that your FI would say yes to a theme like that and then not like the cufflinks.

zulamay

We have a theme of "our new adventure" which is basically travel/maps.  We talked about it more and it turns out I seem to be over-stepping my boundaries with the groomsmen.  Apparently that is his reserved territory and I'm not to make further suggestions.  I think what this really boils down to is that he thinks I'm making all of the decisions and feels left out.  I really am not sure how to solve that though - he's in another state, and every weekend we are together we work on wedding planning.  When I talk on the phone with him about ideas, he shoots them down.  When we're in-person everything is fine and goes smoothly.  I've told him I'd like to include him more but he doesn't really want to make decisions over the phone.  I just feel confused most of the time....one minute he says I talk too much about wedding planning, the next I'm not including him enough, the minute after that I'm asking him to make too many decisions.  Ever since we've been engaged I feel like he's on an emotional roller coaster and I'm the track!

mrsbunyip

I'm not having that problem yet.  I'm having trouble just getting him to give me a non-joking opinion on things.  Maybe you could ask him if he has any ideas to incorporate your theme for the groomsmen.

jamenyha

I have this sometimes too. For example, last week I made up like 8 of the table numbers to fit the theme. It took me like 2 and a half hours and then I showed them to him and he hated them and thought they were too cheesy. SOOOO FRUSTRATING!!!!