Bridesmaid Etiquette

sb1213

I'm getting a lot of pressure from my fiance's family to have his sister-in-law as one of my bridesmaids. I already have 5 though and I picked them all because they have made a major impact on my life.
I've only known his sister-in-law for 2years and we really aren't that close at all. I see her only at holidays and birthdays. Plus, neither one of my brothers are standing for my fiance so I don't see why its a big deal. Is there some kind of etiquette where I'm SUPPOSED to have one of his family members stand for me? Or is it soley up to me to decide?
I like her and wouldn't mind adding a 6th I suppose, but I just don't get whats so important about it...

bee&bee

I think it depends on the family.  Some feel you HAVE to have siblings or in-laws stand up and others don't.  I'm kind of like you were we only have a few people standing up and for me to add my FI's 1/2 sister, he would have to add my 2 brothers which i  know he doesn't want to add more ppl. or take out the guys he's already picked to add my brothers.  So we said all or none, for siblings in the wedding party. 

There are other things family members can do to be a part of your special day besides standing up.

~B

mybestfriendsfuturemrs

If you don't know her that well, it shouldn't be a big deal that she's not standing up.

I think it should be based on your relationship with the girls that you have standing up and your choice.

sb1213

Thanks!

emarston1

There is no "rules" when it comes to picking your WP.  You should choose those to whom you are the closest.  You did nothing wrong but convincing your in laws of this may be another matter.  Does the sister even want to be in the WP or is this the parents pressuring you without consulting the sister?

If you do not want her in your WP (and this IS your decision), you do not need to add her.  She can stand up on the groom's side.  Or since you don't have any objections to it, you may just want to add her so that she doesn't feel left out (assuming this won't cause your brothers then to be upset since they aren't groomsmen.)

Ultimately it is your decision and your fiance needs to be backing you up on it and he should be dealing with his family.  Don't let them pressure you into something you don't want to do.

PS - Your wedding is not for another year and a half so you may want to hold off on choosing your WP.  A lot can change in a year and you don't want to end up having someone in your WP that you really don't want but are stuck with since you already asked them.

Meg1036

I came from a family where we were expected to include siblings.  That said, I made sure the expectation went both ways: if his family insisted on having his sisters in the wedding, I was going to make sure my brother is in the wedding.  Only seemed fair to me.

I realize this is probably petty.

mrsbunyip

Agreeing with PP.  You don't have to add her if you don't actually want her in it.  My husband has 3 step sisters.  His mom wanted me to add 1 or 2 of them.  I told her, "No, I don't talk to any of them enough to ask them to be a BM, and if I were choosing one of them, I would have to choose all 3 to be fair.  So thanks, but no."  She stuck her nose where it didn't belong and went ahead and told one of them I was going to pick her.  I simply texted her and said, "Sorry about the misunderstanding, I already have all of my bridesmaids."

ETA:  You're not being rude by not picking her.  She's just not as close as your 5 current BM's. 

rcj2rcd

There isn't a rule that you are required to include her, but I would talk to your FI about it. Maybe including the SIL is important to him. If that's the case, then I would include her. Discuss the reasons for including/excluding potential WP members, but neither of you should be pressured to include anyone.

The majority of our WP is family - but that is how FI and I wanted it (and we would have chosen the same WP even if they weren't family).

I agree with Liz. You have a lot of time. It's probably best to hold off on decisions right now. Talk to your FI about your thoughts on the WP.

Gwenwhyfare

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_bridesmaid-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:f0e59a05-d2fa-4698-9f8a-a256e2df9d5bPost:7291cab9-d514-40e4-ad0a-5d01661e5ec7">Re: Bridesmaid Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You have a lot of time. It's probably best to hold off on decisions right now. Talk to your FI about your thoughts on the WP.</strong>
Posted by rcj2rcd[/QUOTE]

<div>My DH jumped the gun and asked his guys immediately after he proposed, and we had a 24month engagement. If you have time to let the dust settle, definetly do that. I always knew that I wanted to have my sisters as BM's, but I didn't ask until we were approx. a year out. Once you have asked someone, there's no taking it back.</div>

lcsnowflake

did I read it correctly that she is his SIL, not his sister?  We didn't have to deal with this since I have a sister and FI has brothers, but I would have asked his sister (but not his SIL).  However, you should do what you are comfortable with.  I would also say that if it is his SIL then you should feel even less guilty about not asking her.  Plus, I agree with what was already said- if you ask her then he should be including your brothers, just seems fair to me.  Maybe bring that up when his family starts pressuring you about including her- turn the tables. 

Finally- at some point you have to realize it is your wedding and you and your FI are the ones living with the decisions that are made.  Don't let anyone push you into anything that you both don't want for your wedding!  This is something I'm learning the hard way.