Hmmm a maybe problem

BnGCookies820

Hi there,

I might have an issue with FH's aunt, and he was no help so maybe some outside perspective would be helpful...

Okeydokey, FH's Aunt, D, has been very helpful in the planning, and has taken on the role as coordinator. We really get along. The bridesmaids are having a bit of trouble finding a dress (I'm letting them choose, but I gave them the color and length), and D has been getting increasingly annoyed with it. Monday, she asked me what was up with the dresses via email..

Let me pause and say I have finals in 2 weeks so I told everyone that the wedding would have to go on the back burner until they are over. I was also annoyed with everyone asking constantly about the BM dresses. But no one seems to understand that for 2 weeks, I can't deal with it..

So after she asked me about it, I responded that they will have them ordered by a certain date and everything was fine. She responds about how they're taking too much time and them not having a dress yet was unacceptable to her- blah blah. I did not respond b/c I was annoyed with her and I had to get ready to leave the job..

Today she emails me and says that it seemed that I didn't care for what she had to say about the BMs and I could tell her b/c she's an open person. I responded by saying that I didn't care for her take on it, but it wasn't really worth responding to b/c I know she's trying to help and we appreciate it, and other things came up, so I didn't have time to go back to it, and that ithe situation was handled.

Well she didn't like that and said that she agreed to help- not to get beat up on, that she will shut her mouth from now on.

FH has no idea why she's all sensitive.. I thought I was being respectful. But maybe not? Do I address it more, or let it go? We do need her help, and I don't want her to pull away from her nephew's wedding because of this...non-issue (in my mind)

This got way longer than expected- sorry ladies

rcj2rcd

I think communicating via email is the wrong choice. You should have called her. A few things: - involving family in a business-like role has it's risks. Emotions and opinions will run wild when you do business with related parties. - have you communicated your timeline/schedules with her? - have you given your BMs a deadline to order? If so, they will probably order just before the deadline (it's human nature to procrastinate). - maybe your BMs really don't know/care what dress to choose. I did the same and thought I was being nice...it turned out that my BMs would have rather me just pick out a dress for them. In summary: talk to your BMs and figure out what is up and talk in person or on the phone with your aunt.

missmelanie81

I would either have a sit down with her or email her and just explain it the way you did here. Tell her that you are stressed with Finals and at the moment just dont have the time to deal with it, but your very grateful for all her help and look forward to getting back on the wedding track as soon as finals are over.

BnGCookies820

Thank you for the responses!

Yes she does know the schedule and timelines for things. As a whole, the WP is short on time. Both FH and I are in school, 3 of the BMs are in school as well so very early on, we had a talk about getting things on time.  I delegate and move on.

The ladies have picked some dresses they liked, and I ok'd them. I have assurances that they will be ordered by 4/16 (the deadline) or before. I told them that I could pick a dress for them if they liked, but they were comfortable with finding their own as long as I liked them.

I will try to clear the air with her on Saturday at our floral appointment. I really do love her and don't want it to snowball. We do communicate a lot by email. Perhaps we shouldn't so much.

Today I will let her cool off because FH thought her reaction was not like her. Maybe there is something else going on.

klreese0213

If you feel more comfortable emailing.. maybe you could just email backing saying something like "i'm sorry you feel like your opinion doesn't matter. It does matter, and i appreciate all the help you are giving us. I gave the girls their dates to have their dresses ordered. the shop assured us the dresses will be in by XX(date) which will give us XX amount of time for alterations. I feel confident in knowing it'll all be ready in time for our big day."
Perhaps she doesn't think you have it all figured out. Maybe you could even invite her out for dinner or something and chat, maybe something is going on with her, for her uncharacteristic attitude.

BnGCookies820

Thank you klreese.

i'm actually thinking we are all suffering from wedding overload and may need a breather.

Some NWR relaxation and fun is needed!

lcsnowflake

I agree about contacting her again, but I would suggest doing it over the phone like rjd2rjc said.  Emails are difficult to interpret and things can easily come off the wrong way.  Sounds like she took your lack of response as you being upset at her.  It would be good to just let her know that you are busy and not upset.  Also, I'm finding that weddings bring out werid emotions in people, so I would call her and appologize and then let it go.