Michigan-Detroit

Bride Wars

I have this close girlfriend of mine that got engaged 2 months before I did and is planning her wedding 2 months before mine.  Her parents and her fiance's parents are paying for their wedding, but my fiance and I are saving up for our own wedding.  I like more simplistic and modern looks, while she is going for a more traditional Italian wedding.  Anyways the issue is that I feel like she is trying to make our weddings a competition.  She asked me my colors, and was upset that we have the same color scheme (I didn't know this!).  I don't think it really matters, because we are going for a completely different look.   I just ordered my wedding dress, and she asked to see a picture... instead of a compliment she said "Oh no! The dress I like is the same style as yours. I guess I can't get it now!"  I told her if you love the dress get it, because the dress she likes has more beading and detail than mine.  Plus are bodies are shaped differently, so it won't look the same.  Her and her fiance make can't seem to compromise or make any committed decisions about their wedding and plans keep changing.  While my fiance and I have already picked a date, church, and reception site.  She commented that I should wait before making those decisions.  I don't need to explain myself to her, but my fiance and I are having a lot of fun with our wedding plans.  I am not sure if she is acting this way out of jealousy or what.  I am trying to stay cool, calm, and collected because it's not worth losing a friend over.  Although, I can't help but wonder if our future kids will be a competition to her as well.

Re: Bride Wars

  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    First and foremost, breath.  Second of all, stop sharing wedding details with her immediately.  If she asks about your wedding plans just say they are coming along and then change the subject. "The plans are coming along well, have you tried the bean dip?  It's great!"

    Plan your wedding with your fiance and enjoy it if you can :)  Don't let her bring you down.  Don't let it turn into a competition because it will only end up stressing you out which is not fair to you.

    My best friend got engaged a week after I did and just got married in January.  It could have easily turned into a competition based on the situation (ala Bride Wars--which is an awful movie but that's another subject...) but we didn't let it.  We were excited for each other and loved hearing each other's plans.

    Also, welcome to the board!
  • MMRoberts11MMRoberts11 member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Liz said it the best way possible.
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, I've learned to not share many details with anyone.. that way you won't get unnecessary comments that you don't want to hear, you won't have to 'compete' with anyone, your wedding will be a surprise for everyone - not them critiquing what they anticipated the centerpieces to look like after you had described them over the phone or something, and in the end, it will have been fun for you and your FI... nothing more, nothing less. Don't let drama in where it's not welcome. 

    Best of luck, PM me if you want any other help - I'm in a similar situation. ;-)
    image
  • edited December 2011
    ditto - do your best to stop sharing details.  One of my bridesmaids said she wanted the same colors as me, and to get married in the same month, and I said "That's just fine, you can have whatever colors you want, any day you want, as long as it is not 9.10.11."  She was pretty happy after that.  Friends are bound to have the same tastes...it's how we blend it rather than polarize it.  Hope she relaxes a bit for your sake!
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • lisa89760lisa89760 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You'll learn that there are a lot of people out there that have opinions about your wedding plans...but you would hope that your friends would be supportive.  I agree with PP, you should stop sharing info with her and just be very vague. 

    I actually had to get up from a table I was sitting at when I attended this wedding and this lady would not stop asking me questions about my wedding then putting down every idea I have. 
    August 2011 sig challenge: Honeymoon!! (We bought a boat!!)
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  • edited December 2011

    @Lisa - That's awful... I actually had that happen the other day, and I was completely surprised when this woman asked me about my wedding and once I answered she just shut down all my plans! The nerve of some people...

    image
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto Liz.

    I feel like sometimes people ask questions about my plans just so they can tell me what they did, why theirs was better, and why I should change everything to mirror their wedding. It's annoying, but when you think about it, everyone thinks their wedding is/was the best (they planned it after all...).

    I would keep the wedding chatter with your friend to a minimum. Unless it's a BM or member of our family, my answer is usually, "Wedding planning is going great! Thanks for asking!".
  • lisa89760lisa89760 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_bride-wars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:ff830c59-311a-4ec1-9008-c4193782e508Post:1fe9ed8e-d370-461d-886e-f0bdaadeb68a">Re: Bride Wars</a>:
    [QUOTE]@Lisa - That's awful... I actually had that happen the other day, and I was completely surprised when this woman asked me about my wedding and once I answered she just shut down all my plans! The nerve of some people...
    Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]


    I know!! It's like if you are gonna tell me how horrible my ideas are then just don't ask! Everyone has an opinion about weddings I guess!
    August 2011 sig challenge: Honeymoon!! (We bought a boat!!)
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    Yes to "have you tried the bean dip?" I tend to be pretty honest with my friends. I would tell her about the 'bride wars' feel and since she gets upset that our weddings have similarities I am keeping mine to myself. Hers is first anyways. If she kept pushing for details I would say the most outlandish things, like we are riding in on llamas, or we are going with a kindergarten theme. Eventually she'll get the hint  : )
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