New York-Hudson Valley

In need of your opinion re: my dress shopping & ceremony

Hello Ladies -
So I went dress shopping yesterday. I had a much better experience in this small bridal boutique then I did in David's Bridal. I was trying on real designer dresses and I'm all about you get what you paid for. My fave seems to be Maggie Sottero - I tried this one dress on -- it was sparkly and beautiful however it only came in like an ivory color and the woman in the boutique said the only way I can see it in white on me is if I order it. Now my sister fell in love w/ the dress and I liked it too but I don't know if I'm being hard on myself since I want to lose weight or it's because i really couldn't get the wow factor because it wasnt in white???

The one Maggie Sottero dress I reeeeeeeally want to try on is called "Ruby" but most of the bridal boutiques don't have it :(  for all I know the dress could look horrible on me but I keep looking at the pic and getting butterflies I don't know what to do? I guess keep calling around to all bridal boutiques?

 Did you know right away it was YOUR DRESS the moment you tried it on - or did you think about it and go back?

My other issue - (sorry I just figured I'd lump this into one post)
I met w/ my priest last night...Fr Hasselbach (some of you I know have used him or are using him) so my issue is I reeeeeeeally want the song "The Prayer" to be played during the lighting of my Unity candle ceremony/Memorial candle ceremony.
He seemed taken aback at the length of the song. It's 4min and he explained to me that's a big chunk of time for a 20 min ceremony...I explained to him that I've lost BOTH my parents and its a HUGE issue for  me that they are not there to see me get married and this is my only way of honoring them. In my mind 4min during my once in a life time wedding ....well I think I can handle it and so can my guests. He had a strong opinion about it saying that he feared my guests would be bored so not only should I do my unity candle lighting ceremony, light the memorial candles but perhaps to also hand out roses to loved ones??? As a time filler? So I'm saying to myself should I include a juggling act as well??? Ok not to be mean but  I'm not looking to turn my ceremony into a 3 ring circus.... he's against everyone sitting there during a time of reflection after we light the candles he said they'll need to watch something - ...I disagree - I'm dealing w/ adults here aren't I? - I think I got my point across but nonetheless,  I'm a little upset that he mocked how 4min is going to be a loooooong time and hopefully they won't fall asleep! I couldn't believe he said that. I feel for $600 that we;re paying him if I want to have a 60 min ceremony instead of a 20min I think I have that right!  ....  I'm at a crossroads right now because we've already put a deposit down to have him officiate our wedding and I know some of you love him & I do like him to a degree but my feelings have changed since seeing him last night.  Can anyone understand where I'm coming from? Perhaps I'm being a little too sensitive but In lieu of not having communion at my wedding since my Fiance has been married before and we're not having a full fledged catholic ceremony this is my only time to honor my parents. My Fiance kind of agreed w/ him and wants to know if I can shorten the song? I asked him WHY? The last part of the song is what I love. He feels I need to compromise a little. It's 4 friggin minutes! This is my only wedding and I'm not asking for much. I'm already compromising w/ my Fiance by not taking a limo to my ceremony. There's my friggin compromise <haha />....  I want to make the most of MY wedding....why would people be bored listening to a song that has beautiful words and knowing full well this is my way of honoring my parents who aren't there and it breaks my heart :( 

Please give me your opinions I'm open to hearing what your take on it is?

Thanks so much!

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Re: In need of your opinion re: my dress shopping &amp;amp; ceremony

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    edited December 2011

    I can only speak for myself with the dress experience; but I wrote the same kind of post a month or so ago. The though of dress shopping was exciting but overwhelming. I purchased my dress a few weeks ago (a Sottero & Midgely)! I tried on about 12 dressed the first time and only really liked one. I went to another store and tried on a few more BUT could not STOP thinking about the one I loved. So I went back twice with my father and them bridal party and bought that night! Wink

    Just keep an open mind, everyone is different. But it's like a guy - if you keep thinking about it and want may be the one.
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    BellaSposa223BellaSposa223 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Agreeing with Kris, I can only speak for myself with the dress. When I picked out my dress the 1st time I never had the "omg this is the one!" reaction. In fact after it was declared it was the dress, I said "Should I try on more just to be sure?" After losing the weight and feeling like I needed to go back and try on more dresses because I had 0 confidence in the dress being altered, I went and tried on my actual dress. It was then I knew it was the dress, it felt right. That's the best way I can explain it.


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    ssagessage member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    DRESS:  The dress that ended up being mine i loved in the picture at the bridal store and oddly, the saleslady picked it for me.  I didn't know it was "the one" but I knew when I tried it on that I loved it, that it had all I was looking for...but I didn't cry or do any of those thigns like you hear about.  I did go back and try on more dresses but still ended up with the same one.

    CEREMONY/FATHER RICH:  First, I come from a position of having lost my father and my husband also lost his father, plus, I lost a nephew (who was a toddler) so we wanted to honor those people also and it meant alot to us to include them.  We did many things to do that (I had bridal charms on my boquet, we had a memorial table in which I used the unity candle b/c our ceremony was to be outside and the unity candle would not have worked, etc.)...that being said, I will say I agree with Father Rich and your fiance that I think 4 minutes is a long time...I have sat through wedding masses and found myself zoning out during certain things (and I am catholic).  That being said, Father Rich also married my husband and I so with that too, I have a little experience.  I think he is trying to speak to you from experience.  I can tell you that he advised against me using my nephews as ring bearers (because of their age....5 and 2 1/2) and I was adament about using meant alot to me to use them and my two friend's daughters (8 and 6).  He explained his reasons and like you, my husband was in slight agreement...but in the end, I said it meant alot to me and that it was my decision and they were nothing but perfect, behaved the whole ceremony and none of the issues he raised came up.  I knew when he said it to me that he was giving me advice from his experience and just wanted me to be aware of what could happen.  I think he is trying to do the same for you.  I think he is just trying to say that 4 minutes is a long time during a ceremony to have only music and nothing else...but if you tell him that is what you want, it is your wedding.  I was going to suggest maybe cutting it down but I just re-read your post and I see you don't want to do that.

    Again, like I said, if this is a very important thing to you, then you need to stand up and say "too bad, i'm doing it"...but at the same time, I do believe it is too long.

    Just my 2 cents
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    kristinanddankristinanddan member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Regarding the dress: try on a different Maggie in white, that will let you see the color. They only had my dress in light gold in the store, but I tried  a different dress on in diamond white to make sure I liked the color, and ordered my dress in diamond white.

    Regarding the ceremony: 4 minutes is a really long time - like, really long to not be doing anything. Sit there, do nothing, and time it. I totally get your intentions and why you want it, and I'm certainly not going to tell you don't do it, but I think you should just take what the officiant is saying into consideration.
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    edited December 2011
    Hi. Wow. I'm really sorry that you are going through this without your parents. I'm really sorry for your loss.

    I'll try to help.

    Starting with the dress.

    When you find the right dress. You will know. Something.

    You might not know the minute you put it on. But you will know if you like it or not. And as you narrow your likes, you will realize it's the "one". Or it will be the one that you can't stop thinking about.  Or, it will happen the minute you put the next dress - you will know that the previous dress was the one.

    There isn't always a "wow, this is the dress!" crying / not breathing moment when you put it on.

    Now, for the Maggie Sottero - I believe that they have a loaner program  where the salon can (well, you) would pay like $50 to see a particular dress. (But not sure if the dress you like would be in that loaner program though)

    And for the ivory vs white. If you like it in ivory, and you want white, you will like it in white. But make sure that its a pure ivory that you are seeing and that you have seen yourself in white dresses. Often the store will have a white dress by the designer, so you can see how that designers "white" looks. So pure ivory to pure white, you'll be ok.

    If the dress you are seeing is a ivory and gold or ivory and champagne, then sometimes it loses something in a solid color. But sometimes it looks better! Often ivory/ champagne dresses look amazing in white, sometimes the solid ivory just doesn't look right. But looks outstanding in ivory/ champagne.

    Look on the Maggie Sottero website for "real Maggie brides" who might be wearing the dress that you want in the color that you want.

    Or do a google search for the Maggie dress and style. I was able to find the Maggie Sottero Grace dress being worn by a bride in solid white. I loved it in ivory and gold, but wasn't crazy about how it looked in the solid white.

    But I just wanted to "see" it. I wasn't close to the serious point.

    Did you ask the store what would happen if you paid and they ordered it for you, and then you didn't like it? Would they allow you a credit in the store? (Since you ordered it without seeing, would they allow you to use the money that you spent on another dress. The advantage to them, is they would now have a new Maggie dress in white that they can show.)

    Good luck!

    Now as far as the music...

    That one's tougher. I see both points. We wanted to use Ave Maria for bringing up the gifts. But the music director suggested that we use the song (ironically) for the unity candle. Because, she said, that people expect to hear certain parts of the song and bringing up the gifts takes so little time. and for them to play the entire song, people (and us) would be just sitting there.

    BUT, I understand your point. What you should do is let Fr Rich know that you want this song to honor you parents. Perhaps, if it is mentioned in a program then he might be more agreeable. Because that way your guests would know that the entire song would be played. And they would also know why.

    And I think that if this is 4 minutes in your ceremony that is very important to you, your officiant should be willing to honor it. Especially because it's to honor your parents.


    Good luck with the rest of your planning!

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    edited December 2011
    um yea 4 minutes is a REALLY long time to be sitting around for your guests. you're doing this for your reflection time, not theirs, and they're going to be sitting around wondering wtf is going on with this long song playing and nothing happening. and it's only a 20 minute ceremony, which means that almost 1/4 of it will be your guests sitting around and nothing happening for this song. i agree with fr. rich that you should think about cutting it down to something more managable.

    as for the dress - i didn't get that "wow" factor, but that might be because i tried on like 40 of them before i found one i liked lol. i tried it on, and just knew that ok, this was it. i didn't cry or freak out like you see on syttd, but i just kind of knew that this was the dress i would get married in.
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    MYLOVE315MYLOVE315 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thank you -- to all of you - I really do appreciate your input and value your opinion.

    I will rethink my song for the ceremony....just to be clear it woulldnt be that I would have everyone just sitting there reflecting with me-- during the time the song is playing my Maid of Honor & Best Man will light our unity candle....then my Fiance and I will light from that candle to light our memorial candles. I just wasnt a fan of handing out roses too (as Fr Rich put it) use it as a time filler. I'll see where I can net out...I'm sure I can come up w/ something....If not the dj who will be playing this song I'm thinking maybe he can figure out how to shorten it. Here's hoping. I know I'll come up w/ something by May! haha I better!

    *Terri thanks for your idea in checking out the Maggie Brides - it helped a lot.
    Did you end up wearing a Maggie dress?  How funny you mentioned "Grace" that was the one I tried on and it was in a goldish Ivory....I just wasn't getting that bridal feeling but it could've been because of the color. I did try on another maggie dress that was in diamon white -- I really like it -- it was as elegant as the first one but I felt pretty in both -- my sister wasn't a fan of the 2nd one == both my sister and the woman at the boutique were leaning more towards me wearing Grace...they said it was meant for me??? I think What I can always do is go back and try it on my own & see how I feel. 

    I'm happy I may not have to travel into the city to try on more dresses I found a boutique in Danbury Ct called Majesty LLC and they seem to have gotten great reviews.......Has anyone used them?

    *Jamie I sent you a private message.

    Thanks again everyone. I feel a lot better

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    edited December 2011
    just sent you a pm
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    edited December 2011
    RE: "Grace" - I added the dress to the photo galleries in my bio. It's the second gallery (after our wedding pictures) The Grace gallery is 4 pictures. The entire dress, close up, bride wearing it at a distance and close up in white.

    Hope it helps!

    (I ended up wearing  a Camille la Vie/ Group USA dress. But the Maggie "Grace" was one of my favorites!)
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    ssagessage member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    MYLOVE...glad we made you feel better...that is what we are here for.  Like I said, if you can't work it out, then tell him (i don't necessarily like the rose idea either)...i am sure your DJ can work it out for you in a way you like...I had an intro of a song from my fave band I wanted as my DH's and my intro and was trying to figure it out and the DJ said "Steph, that is my job".

    Grace dress...that dress is gorgeous! Reminds me a little of mine...I am a big fan of the lace!  I think the ivory might be nice (my dress was a casablanca in ivory and still looked on the whitish side but not a glaring white).  I live near Danbury (20 minutes) but did not hear of that store.  Another store that is a little bit farther, in Newtown, is Julie Allen Bridal.  I took my mom there to look at MOB dresses and the ladies were very very helpful...and I know a few people that got their dresses there and said the service was great!  IThey did not carry my line which is why i did not try dresses on there. 

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