psa: wedding coordinatior discount, wedding update, and major advice needed, LONG!

peonypinkbride

Hi ladies! I haven't been on in a while and I have a lot to talk about... I figure id do it all in one post so I dont completely spam the board with my nonsense.

I just wanted to give other brides a heads up... I kno a few of you girls are already using her, but for those who are still looking for day of... Lauren Paige Associates is offering $50 off all day of coordination packages for 2011 weddings... so glad I waited to book!

So now onto the much needed advice... I feel a little silly posting this here since I don't really 'know' you girls, but I really don't know who else to talk to about this...

Let me start off by saying that my parents have originally agreed to pay for most of the wedding. We are doing this the more traditional way as far as finances go. This has been how it was going to be from the getgo. BUT... my sister recently got engaged... and I can't help but feel she is doing it out of spite. We don't have the best relationship... growing up we were always trying to outdo one another and I;m over it now but I feel like this is one of those situations where she is trying to outdo me again. I am happy for her, and I guess by saying this I am judging, but I don't mean to... her and her fiance have been together for 6 months. They set a date THE MONTH BEFORE OURS which puts a lot on my parents financially. I feel like she's taking away from my wedding and my parents cannot afford two weddings. I have a feeling we will be on our own financially from here on out with all things wedding and we really were not anticipating this based on the intial conversation we had about the finances. I asked my sister why she would randomly choose the month before ours and not later and she just calls me selfish and says how dare I tell her when she should and shouldn't have her wedding. I guess it's not my place to but I'm just upset about the whole thing. I was thinking about changing our date but we already put a deposit down on the place and then I thought why should I have to change my date? Gr... I don't know what to do, but this is really upsetting me....  

And my wedding "checks"
Venue: booked
DOC: booked
Next up is photographers we are meeting with in the next couple of weeks... the post below was so helpful... we are going to meet with Kimberly, Christopher's Studio, digital-weddings, and I was  also seeing Ulysses phtoography... has anyone used them?

Anyway... I guess I better get back to work... thanks for listening!

TerriandJoe

Hi! Wow. That's tough. What do your parents say? Two weddings within a month of each other will be difficult not only from a financial standpoint from them, but also what about your family guests? They will have two weddings (and two showers) to go to basically back to back.

If you got engaged in February* 2010 and are getting married in late May 2011. You are having a 15 month engagement (which I think is in the average realm). If your sister just got engaged, congrats to her by the way, since your parents already committed to you and your fiance of (assumably) more than six months that they will help with your wedding. If your sister wants their help, she needs a 15 month engagement too. (Which would be around September 2011)

It would still be close, but it would be three months after yours instead of a month before.

And it would still be alot on your parents. BUT you never know. Basically, if it seems that she wants to get married in a hurry, being told that she needs to wait, might have her reconsider rushing into things.

and if she still wants to get married in the month before yours, she and her fiance can cover the entire cost themselves, because your parents planned to help you at this time. (and she was only dating her boyfriend of 2 months when you got engaged, they didn't plan on her getting married so soon)

(* I don't know when you got engaged. I just used the  date you joined the knot)

Good luck! Hope it works out! Keep us posted!

[Deleted User]

Wow that is really tough!! I would speak with my parents and see what their thoughts are. You did get engaged and  picked your day first and have already booked the venue. They should be able to talk to her and let her know they cannot afford two weddings basically at the same time.

If she decides not to change the date and you guys are having the same guest I would send out the invitations first or at least save the date cards. Good luck and keep us posted!

Crissyo

Wow...that is tough!  I really really think it is not right that your sister did this...i really don't want to judge her...but I just don't think its right.  I barely think its right that she even got engaged during your engagement, to be honest...but since engagements are long these days, I could see how that happened. Out of respect for you, she should have had her date at least four-six months after yours. As far as the finances go, you need to have a talk with your parents and be prepared. As far as everything else, definitely send save the dates....but you and your sister should both know that some family members and mutual guests may have to "pick" which wedding to go to which is really messed up on your sister's part.

I am hoping she picked a different venue?
Did she commit to a date yet or still thinking about it? Maybe you can all sit down and try to convince her to move her date?

Crissyo

BTW if none of my suggestiosn seem do-able then maybe you could think about moving your date to march ( before hers)...
I am also curious ( and nosy) which of you is older? 

ktwed09

I typically fall into the "you only get one day" camp with regards to posts like this. Meaning that just because you're engaged doesn't mean that nobody else can get engaged or even (gasp!) get married before you.  However, in your case, it seems like your sister may have done this to be intentionally spiteful, and for that I am very sorry.  I think your best course of action is to talk to your parents, and see what they are planning to do.  After all, it is their money.  Beyond that, I would do your best to plan the wedding you want (and can afford) and hope that your sister stops her childish behavior.

kristinanddan

I think it's easy to be upset about, and I totally get why you are, but try your best to let it go. She is totally allowed to get engaged while you are engaged, and she is totally allowed to get engaged after you and plan a wedding before you (but I promise I would be pretty miffed too).

That said, I would plan the wedding you can afford yourselves. If your parents help, that's great, but you may not be getting as much as they initially planned on giving you.

I wouldn't move your date or do anything to show that you are upset/angry. Try your best to be positive about the whole thing, and remember that if they haven't been together for all that long, they may not make it to the wedding date anyway.

peonypinkbride

Hi ladies... thank you so much for the advice and opinions. I am just upset and it felt really good to get it off my chest, so thank you for listening! Chrissy, I am older by 3 years. She has not picked her venue yet so I'm hoping this thing is just something she's going through and will eventually change her mind. She seems set on her date because she claims she has always wanted to get married in April. I talked to my mom about it and we are all going to have a sit down this weekend. I will keep you posted... thank you again so much for listening and for your opinions!!!

rblucy

Wow that is a really hard situation because it really affects all guests from your side.  I think that all sitting down together will be helpful.  I think presenting it as a financial issue would be the best way because then it isn't a competition.  Your parents had already committed to financing your wedding and in order to do the same for your sister, they need some time probably.  SIL got married 9 months before us but before we got engaged I told DH that it had to either be more than a month before or mroe than a month after her wedding because I didn't want to take away from her time.  My best friend got engaged a few months after me and got married a month after me, but I thought it was great because we got to plan together.  But that was different guests/different people paying.  I hope it goes well this weekend.

akardas

Ulysses and Jenni are awesome!! They are really easy to work with.  We booked them on the spot.  They are more expensive, but they do incredible work!!! Here is one of our pics from our engagement shoot the other week.  

ssage

that is awful and you have every right to feel upset.

My suggestion was going to be to sit down with your parents...with her nowhere around...and discuss it.  sounds like you are doing that.  Find out their thoughts and if they are still willing to pay for yours, or now part of yours and how much.  This will totally help you figure out if you will have to start saving or whatever the direction will be that you go in.

Good luck and let us know how you make out.

manda26

I think the other ladies had great advice already so I wont repeat it, but I would be upset too. A courteous person would think "Well my sister is getting married May 2011 and since all of our family would be invited to both I wouldn't want to make them too close and I will wait until after"

GL! Oh also, I met with Ulysses when we were looking and we loved them, but they were pricier then we planned on spending. Great people though! And great work!

mrsredmoose

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation.  I think your feelings are completely valid and I would feel grrr, too, in your situation.  But it sounds like you already know that it's okay to feel that way, but you really can't act on the feelings with the knee jerk rxn you want.  While that would give you immediate satisfaction, it wouldn't help in the long run.  I hope venting here helps, and the pps gave great advice.  I hope everything goes well for you. 

The only advice I have is to remember you can catch more flies with honey.  Tell your sis you are SO thrilled for her and her FI, and if she has been acting maliciously as you suspect, this is the best way to teach her that you will not play her game and allow her to escalate the situation by going down to her level.

My last two cents would be with FI before talking to your parents and come up with different options.  If you haven't already, create a budget in excel and show versions with some belt tightening.  Think of ways to say some extra money- ex: if you, FI and parents haven't already a defensive driving class, enroll in one and you can save 15% off your car insurance.  Our family will have saved $2700 over the course of 5 years from one afternoon of driving school.