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"Dollar Dance" problem (a little long)

My feeling is that most people find this to be tacky (I don't disagree). But I've only seen it once at a cousin's wedding so I don't know how many other people have feelings about it. I also believe that it is/would be very awkward. But here's the problem: my father (who hasn't been to many weddings) actually thinks that his family "invented" this. I'm trying to decide if I should tell him that I don't want to do it (and risk hurting his feelings), suck it up and deal with it (and risk having my guests think I'm being tacky and/or greedy, looking for money), or suck it up and deal with it (but discreetly spread the word to guests that it's a family tradition that my father feels strongly about). Any thoughts? TIA

Re: "Dollar Dance" problem (a little long)

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    edited December 2011
    don't do it!
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    richkatmrichkatm member
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    edited December 2011
    Is it a cultural tradition for you or is it just something your dad wants to do? I assume your talking about them tossing dollars while you and FI dance? If it's cultural for your family to do the "dollar dance" then your guests would understand but if its not then I could see where it would come off as tacky/greedy. If it's part of your culture then do it if not then I wouldn't
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with you. Explain your position to your dad. Guests have already bought gifts, traveled, and given up the day to share in the celebration--they don't need to pay a dollar to dance with you. Hopefully, he'll be able to understand that you're not poo poo-ing his "family tradition" (there was very good "This American Life" on NPR a month or so ago that concerned a Dad who thought he'd invented thumb wrestling, among other things), you're just exercising your right to craft the kind of reception you feel is mot authentic to you and your fiance. I'd avoid getting into the "tackiness" of the dollar dance (while this may be true, it will make him defensive) and stick to a blanket "it's just not something we want to do. Be sure to give your DJ/band explicit instructions NOT to announce a dollar dance in case Dad tries some sort of covert op at the reception.
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    Wedding Date: January 16th, 2010

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    Cycle #5: BFP on June 14, 2011 -- Due Date: February 23, 2012 -- Born: February 26, 2012
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    edited December 2011
    I'm from New Mexico and pretty much every wedding there has a dollar dance.  It's a tradition.  You usually have one person of honor (a godparent) that collects dollars to pay for a dance with the bride and groom.My godmother obviously wants to do this (as well as a mariachi dance called La Marcha that kicks off every wedding).  While it seems very strange up here, if it is a part of your family tradition, what's the harm?  It's your wedding you should do what YOU want. I think that SOMEONE will find something in EVERY wedding that they consider "tacky."  Who cares!  Do what makes you happy.  If you don't do it I'm sure your dad will understand that you just have such a busy night and there are so many activities (cake-cutting, bouquet toss, etc) that you JUST CANT do all of them, right? 
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    ABColeslawABColeslaw member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We aren't doing it, because its not part of our traditions...but if it was, we would do it.  My vote, make your dad happy, hes one of your most important guests.  Spread the word if you want that its your dad's request, but I don't think theres any real harm in it. 
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    ABColeslawABColeslaw member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We aren't doing it, because its not part of our traditions...but if it was, we would do it.  My vote, make your dad happy, hes one of your most important guests.  Spread the word if you want that its your dad's request, but I don't think theres any real harm in it. 
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    edited December 2011
    I have only seen it done twice at a wedding.  I personally find it to be dreadfully tacky.  I think most people in this area would be horrified by it.  And while your father's side of the family may be disappointed not to see the dollar dance, I gather your mother's family and all of your Fi's family are not accustomed to this (and as such would probably feel very awkward participating/watching this).  There are better ways to honor your father than doing a dollar dance.
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    Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
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    edited December 2011
    I would think that to those who are not used to this or don't have it as a tradition, it would seem extremely tacky.  If it is part of your father's family tradition, and you want to do it, you could always have an explanation beforehand of why you are doing it, and maybe choose a charity to donate the cash to so it becomes a fun thing for a good cause?
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    I'm from PA and this is done at just about every wedding without question.  Because it's so common no one finds it tacky, and it's just tradition (like bouquet tossing or the garter).  I have no plans on doing it and my family is pretty upset that I'm not, as that's one of the times during the wedding that people get to spend time (even just a short amount) with the bride.  I don't think anyone sees it as being greedy, just being fun but then again that's with people who are very used to it.  Personally, I find a garter toss pretty tacky, so I think there are things in every wedding that will seem tacky to some people.  If it is honestly going to upset your father then go for it.  Have a few people scattered around to explain the situation to people if you feel uncomfortable about it.  Maybe have your DJ announce it as a family tradition ahead of time?
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    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    I had to google dollar dance b/c I've never heard of it.  I won't say it's tacky, but maybe you could donate the cash to charity if you think some guests will be offended. 
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all of your responses/advice! FMIL knows of it and did not seem offended by the idea. She said it is a French Canadian tradition (both she and my father are of French Canadian descent). I don't know if that's the case, but is a possibility, I suppose. If so, perhaps that would decrease the possibility of people thinking it's tacky. That being said, I think I'll have my mother bring it up first to get an initial reading from my father and see if there is any way I can get out of it without really upsetting him. I have almost a year to try and gently talk him out of it. Even if it wasn't considered tacky I would still feel incredibly awkward having all of these people coming up and dancing with me. Thanks again for your responses!
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    edited December 2011
    My FMIL also thinks this is a great idea, and considers it a must-have at our wedding. Most things she just listens to my ideas and doesn't say a lot, but this she actually pushed for us to have. But we're definitely not having one... I would let him know that you don't want to do it- maybe let him know that it would create an uncomfortable situation for you, having all these people coming up expecting to dance with you. I think it will be fine as long as you don't make him feel badly about it.
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