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Writing your own vows?

Has anyone done/doing this? I'm wondering if you are following something you found, or they are completely from scratch? Our JP gave us a ton of vows to look over, and it's all the "I take you, blah blah blah" stuff. Just variations on the same theme. Do we have to do that? Is it like, some sort of marriage requirement? Because I kind of just wanted to write up a little paragraph of my own - but it doesn't sound "vow" like. I've never been to a wedding where people did their own vows, but I feel like I see it on TV all the time, haha! Help? TIA!
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Re: Writing your own vows?

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    edited December 2011
    We're basically going to be writing our own ceremony. My MOH made up their own vows for their wedding and it was beautiful and very personal. I say it's your wedding and it you want to have vows that are non-traditional, then go for it!
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    edited December 2011
    Mandah - your whole ceremony? Wow! I'm impressed :) I'm a closet creative writer and I'm having a heck of a time with just one paragraph, haha! So they don't need to sound "vow" like, right? Like I take you, to have and to hold, and promise from this day forth...? Because mine are more like a little story...
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    edited December 2011
    Kent's Uncle Gene is officiating our wedding... this is the vow right up he gave us: Liz / Kent, I love you.  You are my lover and my best friend.  Today I give myself to you in marriage.  I promise to encourage you and inspire you.  I will laugh with you, and will comfort you in time of struggle or sorrow.  I promise to love you in good times and in those times when we are challenged, when it is easy to love you and when it is not.  I promise to respect who you are and who you will become.  These promises I make to you today before our family and friends.I just love ours. :)
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    edited December 2011
    Erilou- don't worry we are going through the same issue right now!  We are having a JP as well and we want to have our own vows that aren't the "I take you" and all that.  But its just so hard to write your own! I found a few books with vow ideas and we have been pulling bits and pieces of others vows to make our own.  Sounds simple but pulling it all together even if they aren't our own words is proving to be REALLY hard!We are sitting down in the next few days and pulling out phrases we love from other vow idea/other people etc etc and trying to piece them together to fit what sounds like "us".Good luck!!
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    edited December 2011
    That formatted funny-- sorry, hun. ;)  I can eMail it.
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    edited December 2011
    evs- I really love that! We may steal some of that and add a line or two if that is okay with you!
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    edited December 2011
    No-- you absolutley may not steal it! ;)Of course you can!!  I have to admit, I didn't actually write these, Uncle Gene did-- but I think it's beautiful.  its personal without being too mushy, and it's public without losing it's personal touch. I just wish I knew what else the joker is going to say about us! (He's keeping it under wraps!)
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    edited December 2011
    I think a little story would be great! And much more interesting than the traditional "I take you..." It puts a personal touch on the ceremony. And in regards to writing the whole thing - I'm planning on taking just pieces from different ceremony's I find, our ceremony is going to be EXTREMELY informal (Hell we're getting married by one of our friends!). I'm pretty sure it'll just be straightforward. My friend that is marrying us has some experience marrying others so she might help us with some of the wording. Needless to say I'll be doing a LOT of research on it!
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    jkeprosjkepros member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We started working on ours.  We are writing them ourselves, but googled online and found a ton of stuff to get us started.  We don't want it to be very traditional.Basically the first part is a little introduction welcoming everyone.  And then a little about marriage and what it is and what it is not.  Then we will each say something personal to each other (like, each have a little paragraph), and then our JP will say this (ok, well, this is what we have so far): (Groom), in taking (Bride) to be your lawful wedded wife, do you promise to love and cherish her, to honor and sustain her, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and to be true to her in all things until death alone shall part you? and then FI says "I do", and then he basically says the same thing for me and I say "I do" and then he says a pronouncement.So really, that's the only part that's sort of traditional.  For the paragraphs part before that we plan on totally writing whatever we each want to say.  FI is set on using a Green Eggs & Ham theme: "I will love you in a box.  I will love you with a fox." ;)  I will write something about how much I love him, etc.You can find a ton of stuff online.  I know when I looked I hated a lot of it (bc it was so traditional) but eventually found some things that I liked, and then we've started tweaking those things and combining stuff from different ideas together and cutting the parts we don't like.Be yourself, be creative, and don't worry if it doesn't sound vow-y.  GL!  :)
    Yay! Finally able to update my signature :)
    by Shannon Sorensen Photography
    My hubby & I rock the frock.
    Bio
    6.12.2010
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    edited December 2011
    LOVE the green eggs and ham reference. ;)
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    edited December 2011
    I agree Evs- its not too mushy but it isn't strict vows which I just love.  I plan on adding a line that is something along the lines of "you are my life, my heart, my home". I just love the part "you are my home" it makes me cry just thinking about it.  And it's funny because I am not an emotional/mushy person usually.  It just sits with me.  haha uh-oh - well it's good to have a little surprise! Keeps you guys on your toes!
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    edited December 2011
    Evs - I actually saw similar vows in the list the JP gave me - but yours are better! I guess I'm just mixed up on this because FI said he wanted to do our own. But then it was more like he wanted to modify existing ones - well when I heard, "do our own" - I went in the complete opposite direction, for something that I've completely written. Ok, this is embarrassing, but here's my VERY rough first draft: "Someone once asked me, 'You and Mike have been together a long time, does it feel like it?' And I had to answer 'Yes.' Because with each hour, day, and year that passes, I learn even more about you. The person then asked, 'Do you love him as much as you did the first day you met him?' To which I had to respond, 'No." Because I love you more today then I ever have. And I will love you even more tomorrow. I sometimes wonder if there is a limit to love, a height to be reached. Shakespeare once wrote, 'Love is not love if it alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.' If I height were placed on love, a worth or value would be assessed - and that is an impossible task, because our love is priceless. It is our anchor in a sometimes angry sea. So today I make a promise, a promise that I will make every day, for the rest of our lives - that I will never place a limit on our love. That every hour, every day, every year, it will grow beyond what we both can imagine." .....really...rough...draft... Is it "vow-y" enough?
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    jkeprosjkepros member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I think that's funny too.  Right from the start FI was like, "I'm going to base my vows on Green Eggs & Ham!"  That's one of my favorite things about FI.  He's very creative and fun.  He isn't always good about executing his ideas, but I am, so that's why we make a good team: he has lots of creative ideas, and I can get them done.  :) I wish I knew like that what I'M going to say for our vows, but I know I will think of something sweet.  I think he likes the idea of that too bc it's like a little comic relief: he says he's going to be so emotional he's going to be crying his eyes out at our ceremony, and I think a little laughter will take away some of the intense emotion.
    Yay! Finally able to update my signature :)
    by Shannon Sorensen Photography
    My hubby & I rock the frock.
    Bio
    6.12.2010
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    edited December 2011
    Erica-- LOVE it.  I especially love the line when asked if you love him as you did when you first met him....thats perfect!!!
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    jkeprosjkepros member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's a great rough draft!  So sweet!!!  It brought tears to my eyes.  :)  You are going to have beautiful vows!
    Yay! Finally able to update my signature :)
    by Shannon Sorensen Photography
    My hubby & I rock the frock.
    Bio
    6.12.2010
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    edited December 2011
    Evs - thanks. I'm hideously embarrassed. I'm not good with emotional stuff, ha! Sad thing is - someone did ask me these questions, my future brother in law, last year on vacation - and he's not going to be at the wedding! Bummer... He's in the navy and will be on a boat. But my FSIL will be there, I wonder if she'll remember the conversation!
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    edited December 2011
    erilou- that is AMAZING! I'm so that creep crying in her cube alone right now!!  You should stick with those- it is heartfelt and REALLY meaningful!
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah? So you guys really think that's ok? I mean, I've been to a million weddings, and all the vows seem to be a variation on a similar theme - which is beautiful (I cry like a baby at weddings) - but I wasn't sure if there was some like, unwritten rule that there are certain things you have to say or something?
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    jkeprosjkepros member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    They are perfect--definitely.  We asked our JP and I think he said the only thing that HAD to be in there was something like: By virtue of the authority of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts I now pronounce you husband and wife. (we're just going to add that to the end)
    Yay! Finally able to update my signature :)
    by Shannon Sorensen Photography
    My hubby & I rock the frock.
    Bio
    6.12.2010
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    edited December 2011
    jkepros - thanks, that's exactly what I was thinking - that there must be some sort of legal nonsense that needs to happen ;) I'm glad it's only one line! Ha! PS - I also love the green eggs and ham reference! Now that I want to do our own vows w/o basing them off something else, FI is freaking a bit I think because he's a very quiet person and very rarely expresses emotion - but I came up with a (lame) idea - he's given me these really beautiful, moving cards over the years. I was thinking he could pull out his favorite things from those and put them altogether into vows...
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    jkeprosjkepros member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, love the card idea for FI!  That's something too that's like your little secret--just between the two of you.  That'd be really great, and probably ease some of FI's anxiety about writing his own vows.  LOVE IT!  Oh, and you can tell your FI that just because it's "write your own vows" doesn't mean that he has to write them all himself--like, he can have you or other people help him.  I will definitely be helping my FI with his (he's very dyslexic and gets all kinds of anxiety about writing).  GL, you'll have to let us know once you've finalized them.  :)
    Yay! Finally able to update my signature :)
    by Shannon Sorensen Photography
    My hubby & I rock the frock.
    Bio
    6.12.2010
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    edited December 2011
    hmmm... is there really legal nonsense that needs to be said??  I'll need to tell the uncle-officient....
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    jkeprosjkepros member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, that's what our JP told us.  He said we could pretty much put whatever we wanted in there, but that he needed to say that part.
    Yay! Finally able to update my signature :)
    by Shannon Sorensen Photography
    My hubby & I rock the frock.
    Bio
    6.12.2010
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    edited December 2011
    We wrote own own...sorta twisting the traditional catholic vows.  We will each repaet after the preist: Wedding Vows:   I (name), take you (name) to be my (husband/wife), my constant friend, my partner in life.  I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.    Ring Exchange :  I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side and that I will always be a faithful partner to you, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
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    edited December 2011
    erilou, I think you should say what's in your heart. If that's what you want to say during your public pledge of partnership and marriage, then you should do it!  During the exchnage of rings, your officiant will recite more formal vows.   
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    edited December 2011
    Fool - thanks :) that's what I was hoping we could do, and the ring part would be all the "repeat after me" stuff.
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    edited December 2011
    The only thing our JP said she MUST say to make it legal is, "Do you freely choose to (get married, idk the exact words)" in the beginning.
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    edited December 2011
    Erilou--I don't think there is any rule, but if it helps at all, we kind of did both.  We each (separately, without consulting each other) wrote up a little piece.  The rabbi called these our "personal vows", but they weren't vow-like in the traditional sense.  I wrote about how I knew I wanted to be with him, and read a poem.  That kind of thing...And then, later, we had traditional vows.  With the usual "promise" language and the ring exchange.  Does that make sense? This was the way our rabbi usually does the ceremony, and I thought it was nice to have both.  Of course, I don't think you have to do traditional vows if you don't want to.  Just sayign that it doesn't have to be an either/or decision. I can send you the whole ceremony sequencing if that would help...
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    edited December 2011
    oops!  I didn't see foolforfood's post, but basically I was repeating waht she said.  :)
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    desistoldesistol member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our JP said we could say whatever we wanted, BUT there does need to be a "promise of commitment" or something like that.
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