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Massachusetts-Boston

I'm literally in shock...

At how many people are asking and calling if they can bring dates. I mean, I expected a few...but literally every day someone new is asking. Most people aren't even in relationships but are just asking. "I'm just checking to see, it's totally fine if I can't - but just wanted to check" if you're fine without one THEN DON'T ASK ME! I can't even imagine asking someone, knowing that my name was the only one on the invitation, if I could bring a date. It's just completely shocking to me...Ugh. Sorry...needed to vent.

Re: I'm literally in shock...

  • desistoldesistol member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We invited everyone with dates, and a lot have rsvp's back for just themselves.We have had one person so far ask if their child was invited though.
  • cazzysmithcazzysmith member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    totally annoying.I was a little irked when a friend of mine, who had already rsvp'd for herself, then asked me if she could bring a date - she's not even dating someone it's just some friend who may or may not be in town that weekend so she doesn't even know for sure yet!  But, I'd invited her w/ a guest and the rsvp deadline isn't for a couple weeks so what could I say besides sure...every "no" we get helps our cause but can't tell her that!But those people who were invited w/o a guest - how rude!  It's pretty clear on the invitation, people.
  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't worry, our best man was hanging out with a group of guys, and one of the guys mentioned how "when he and so-and-so (a guy who is not invited, we don't even know him) are at the wedding...", meaning he's just assuming he can bring someone, he never asked FI or I, just assumed he could bring anyone. Uh....no. Don't worry, you're not alone! I've had at least 3 other people ask point blank if they could bring a date. None of whom are in relationships, by the way.
  • edited December 2011
    One of DH's buddies called two weeks before the wedding to RSVP.  A week later, he called and asked if he could bring a date.  We told him that we already gave the caterer final numbers.  We didn't feel bad b/c he was seated a table of friends.Big shocker:  the guest in question did not give us a gift or a card. 
  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't understand why people think it's okay to ask for a date or another guest to come along.  I mean...the invite was addressed to ONE person (or two people, if they're asking to bring kids) for a reason (presumably).  What I find even more appalling is the guests who just RVSP more people than were specified on the invitation.  That, to me, is just the height of tacky and rudeness.
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  • edited December 2011
    I am beginning to think that people who have never planned or been involved in planning a wedding think that every guest is entitled to have a date.  Almost every single friend who knows s/he will be invited to my wedding comments something like this: "Hmm... Who should I bring as my date?", without even asking me if s/he is allowed to bring a date.  They just ASSUMED that they could.  AWKWARD!
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  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm beginning to wonder if I should write out names on the RSVP card in hopes of clarifying exactly who is invited. Has anyone done this, and is it effective?
  • tiana531tiana531 member
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i have the same problem so i totally understnad! more than 1 of my friends is talking about bringing their bf's (im having a destination wedding so i am allowing since both have been over a year) but they just assumed, and one friend even said to me, "weddings are for bringing dates" HA! i almost lost it, but bit my tongue. I deff agree that people who have never been to weddings/planned a wedding/been in a wedding dont understand the adding a guest thing, and i feel rude explaining it...
  • edited December 2011
    Ha I told a couple guys I'm friends with they could bring dates if they wanted, and one of them was like "You don't bring sand to the beach"  haha.  Then he offered to pre-game to save my parents money on drinks.  Of course I told him not to worry about it haha, but what a perfect guest :)
  • sunshine1084sunshine1084 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know! I almost can't wait for these people who are bugging me to get married themselves. Then I'll watch in enjoyment as they get asked the same questions and watch them squirm. Ha!One thing I just saw this morning was spuccio's rsvps.She had "___ seat(s) has been reserved for _________ at the reception, etc etc" and then they hand-filled in all of the information so it clarified how many seats for the person invited and then their name specifically. I loved it and only wish I had seen it sooner!
  • edited December 2011
    If this is how they're asking, "I'm just checking to see, it's totally fine if I can't - but just wanted to check" then I don't see what the big deal is.  What's the harm in asking?  We gave everyone the option to bring someone, so we didn't have this problem. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, I did inner and outer envelopes to help deal with this.That said, even before I sent them out, I was getting this all over the place--so annoying. One of my DH's friends said something like "I am 99% sure I can come, and [new girlfriend] is 95% sure she can come"--before we even sent out the invite. I had not planned on including her on invite. We did in the end--but I'm still annoyed about it--and this dude hasn't even given us a gift.I didn't think I'd become such a Bitter Betty about this stuff, but people are so entitled--a lot of people think they're the exception to whatever standard you've set for the wedding (only long-term SO's invited, whatever).
  • jkeprosjkepros member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's SO annoying.Last year I was invited to my cousin's wedding, but couldn't make it.  I was annoyed though that the invitation was ONLY addressed to me (FI & I had already been engaged for almost a year!)--I RSVPed with regrets from both of us, and sent a gift, but I was annoyed that FI's name wasn't on the invite--not even a "+ guest."  :P  So I can understand, like if I was going how I'd have to awkwardly ask them if he was going...but of course we were in a committed relationship.  People who want to bring friends or flavors of the week are just being rude.
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  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm doing my list now and I'm afraid the people w/out dates are going to rsvp for 2. The reason I think it's rude to ask "Can I bring a date? It's no big deal if I can't" is bc it can be embarrassing for the bride/groom if they can't afford extra guests. Even if other people don't make it a big deal I think I would feel cheap if questioned. We aren't cheap we just have a budget which I don't want to talk about with my guests.
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  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    And just to clarify everyone who is in a relationship is invited with a guest. I'm just talking about people are single and have their friends at the wedding.
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  • edited December 2011
    I can see how this is annoying. My friend's sister was telling us the other day that her aunt, uncle and cousin RSVP'd to her wedding last year for the 3 of them, but requested 7 meals.  Apparently, Uncle X wanted 2 full meals, and each wanted to "taste" the other option.  How ball$y can you get?
  • edited December 2011
    From all of the posts I have seen about this over the last year, I have just had to conclude that no matter what you do, this is a routine part of invites and RSVPs. I am not a fan.   Sunshine, thanks for the kudos on my reply cards! I thought it was pretty clever too. People still gave us the "can i bring a date" routine, but at least I knew it wasn't because I was unclear. I knew it was because they had air between their ears. That made me feel better. :-)
  • edited December 2011
    Heres one for you: Before we even sent out invites, one of my fiances aunts or cousins or whatnot ( who the h&*3 knows) saw us at a fmaily party and said that she and her girls can not wait for the wedding. They ahev already booked their flights and would love info on things to do in Boston each day tehy are here. Now, 1) I am not planning everyone's events and happenings the weekend of the wedding and 2) None of them were even going to be invited!!!Lets just say his fmaily has been doing alot of this
  • edited December 2011
    I totally agree with LucyD (as always!).  I think people who have never planned a wedding often just assume it's an event you can bring a date with you.  At least your guests are asking nicely and they're not demanding it.  When they ask, just tell them that due to the size of your venue, you were only able to invite guests of people who are in long-term relationships (all people in relationships should be invited with their sig. other).
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  • desistoldesistol member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that it's not a big deal if politely asked.  To assume isn't right.FI was invited to a wedding and only his name was written on the invitation.  He didn't ask to bring me, he just didn't go.
  • edited December 2011
    We had a couple people add a guest, but they were all people that we had allotted two spots for (my sneaky of getting a smaller wedding - inflate the guest list by giving friends and cousins dates, even if I knew they wouldn't bring anyone, then tell FFIL - sorry, you can't invite more people - the venue won't hold them).Except for one person. She RSVPd for herself and guest. As in - she actually wrote "Jane Smith and guest".  She put down a meal choice for this mystery person, but apparently didn't know who it was! That was a new one on me.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey-- at least they did ask. I had two people write in for a second or third person. While it turned out that we could accommodate them, it really steamed me-- I would have appreciated a phone call. Of course, I probably would have said no. The gall is astonishing. Oh get this, we actually broke the "no ring no bring" rule for one of FI's many cousins and agreed that he could bring his girlfriend who he is "trying to establish". Time goes by, and I asked FI to bug him again about what she was having for dinner. Yeah, apparently the cousin had not checked with the date and she was doing something else. And he didn't bother telling us to take her off the list. FI gave his cousin some crap about that one.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think a lot of people want to bring a date becasue they don't want to be awkwardly hanging out by themselves at a wedding... How about answering their real question with one of these: "We invited a bunch of folks from school / work / whatever and you are all sitting at the same table!""We didn't invite anyone with dates but I am seating you next to hunky, single, Mr X, I thought you would like to meet him."
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