Timing between ceeremony and reception

hbyrne31

We have a huge gap and I have no clue what to do with my guests in between. Our church only allows weddings at 2:00 and 5:30 due to the 4:00 Mass. Since our cocktail hours starts at 6:00, we are doing a 2:00 Mass. So our Mass is at 2:00, it is a full mass so we should be out of there no later than 3:30. The venue is about 30-40 minutes away so that leaves almost 2 hours until cocktail hour starts. Did anyone else or is anyone else running into this issue and how did you handle it? There is a bar at the hotel, so I'm thinking that we could run a tab, but how would I let the guests know?

jkepros

We have 1-1.5 hours to kill between our estimated end of the ceremony time and start of reception time...both our reception & ceremony are in Boston on Newbury St, so we're doing a tour of Boston in between (just got a contract from Old Town Trolleys for 4 trolleys!)  Since your reception & ceremony are a drive apart, I wouldn't worry about planning anything.  Most people will finding something to do in that time.  Having a tab at the bar is a good idea, but I'd just let people know by word of mouth: like let your friends and family know and let them spread the word.  Or you could put a little note with the directions or on your website.

jessiebirde

we have a similar problem the check is at 2:30 and the cocktail party begins at 5. the ceremony is about 45mins. so we are giving ourselves an hour but that still lives the guest with 1.5 half! the drive is about 40 mins away.. is that too much time? i am not sure how are going to handle. since our reception is not at the hotel.. we are having a bus shuttle people between the hotel and the venue. this way they can drop off their cars. we are hoping that takes up some of the time but we will have a similar problem for those guest who are from around the area..

hbyrne31

Jessie- I don't think that's too much time at all. Your guests will arrive at your at 4:15, so it's only 45 minutes and people don't usually rush straight there (I've been known to get my card then . Since they are also taking this time to drop their cars off the timing should be perfect. Can I ask who you are using for a shuttle service because I need to book one as well. I need someone to bring the guests from the hotel to the reception and back to the hotel after the reception. I only will need them for 2 hours so I don't want to have to book someone for the whole night.

kebmtm071605

Is there any way you can do a 5:30 Mass and push your cocktail hour start time back to 7? We had a similar situation and opted for the 5:30 ceremony.  We opted to do ceremony-only, as opposed to a full Mass and started cocktail hour (20 minute drive) at 6:30. My parents absolutely put their foot down about having a gap between the ceremony and the reception.  And really, it is pretty annoying for your guests, most especially the guests who are too far to drive home in between but not so far that need to book a hotel room.  And if they've left the kids at home with a babysitter, that's an extra few hours they need to pay the sitter (at $15/hour...that adds up quick). Not trying to put a damper on your timeline...just trying to present it from your guests' perspective.

noodle_oo

Hi!  I'm also going to post from the guests perspective: I hate gaps between ceremony and cocktail hour.  And yours is pretty long: guests will leave at 3:30 and start arriving at the hotel around 4 PM.  What will they do for 2 hrs?  Is there any way you can start the cocktail hour earlier?  Or seriously reconsider doing the 5:30 PM ceremony?  Gaps are really inconvenient for guests who are all dressed up with nowhere to go.  Even spending 2 hrs in the bar is a long time (an hour maybe, but 2 hrs?  Unless your crowd is a bar crowd, that is a LONG time).  If you are inviting them to share their day with you, the least you can do is plan to keep them occupied for the entire time you are inviting them for.Sorry, does that sound harsh?  I don't mean it to be mean, just something to think about.  I went to a wedding recently that had a gap and everyone came to reception an hour early.  The room wasn't ready, the DJ wasn't there yet, the staff was obviously rushing around and the guests were all just standing around with nothing to do.  It was very awkward and uncomfortable.  I just want to help you avoid this!

hbyrne31

Noodle- I know it is inconvenient but I don't have another choice, that's why I posted on here for ideas on what to do with my guests. While it is a pain as a guests, when it does happen I know it is out of the bride and grooms control. You said: "If you are inviting them to share their day with you, the least you can do is plan to keep them occupied for the entire time you are inviting them for." Do you have any suggestions on how to keep them occupied? Have you even been to any weddings where they have had something in between? The reception is at Atkinson Country Club. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

EKobrenski

From my perspective, the gap IS a little annoying, but I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic schools all the way through, so the majority of weddings I go to have "the Catholic gap".  I really don't think twice about it and I don't think most of my friends (Catholic or non-Catholic) do either.  I guess you have to know your crowd.  People will know it's not your fault.  That said, what about starting the cocktail hour earlier?  Your reception would end a little early in the night, but you could have an after party. Another option that they did at one wedding I went to was to meet at a bar and do a celebratory shot with some of the guests.  It matched the couples' personalities in that case, not an option for everyone.  I also went to

noodle_oo

Hi hbyrne,Sorry, I really don't have any good ideas!  I guess that's why my advice was to avoid it if you can.  PP's idea of a trolley tour or something like that sounds good, but I have no idea what there is to do around your venue in NH.  I just noticed, is your wedding date 8/21/2010?  Me too!  It will be summer, maybe some kind of fun outdoor activities?  How many guests do you have? 

EKobrenski

Also, don't forget that some will skip the ceremony no matter what.

alnp27

What about doing a little research about whats in the area - specifically for those guests that are from out of town? You could put together a little packet - maybe put it in the OOT bags (if you are doing them) or in the back of your ceremony programs. Like "Ideas while you wait" or something like that. I don't know how formal your wedding is but what about putting together like a scavenger hunt or something fun like that? Guests would be working their ways towards your reception but having fun so maybe they wouldn't noticed the gap as much. I don't mean anything tacky or anything they couldnt do all dressed up. We did one in high school that drove from one town to another with a bunch of stops along the way and had questions to answer on a sheet and we got the answers by driving to points where clues were given. Those who are from the area might just go home or guests may even go back to the hotel but this could be just another fun little option.Hope that helps!

hbyrne31

EKobrenski- Thanks for the ideas and the understanding. I went to 3 weddings in the past month an all had a gap. They are annoying but I knew it wasn't their fault so I just want someone to show the guests that while I couldn't control it I thought about them. Now that I think about it, I have never been to a ceremony not at a church. Noodle- Love the date! I can't believe your ticker, it's scary that it's getting so close but still so exciting! I did love the idea of a trolley tour, but where do you go in NH? I'm not from the area, so maybe I'll try the NH board. I would like to start the cocktail hour earlier but I don't know if they'll let me. I am meeting with them soon. I have a huge bridal party and I got a trolley that has rock band and kareoke so at least they'll be amused. What about having kareoke set up at the bar? Is that corny?

noodle_oo

This blog has some cute ideas: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/help-big-gap-between-ceremony-038-reception I think maybe including a list of places the guests can go in between in your ceremony program or directions card is a good idea.  Maybe some shopping areas, coffee shops, and the hotel bar.  Or the other idea I liked in the thread was having the hotel host a small area with fruit and cheese, maybe some games if kids are invited.  You could do this outdoors if you get good weather, which would be nice!  Hope that helps!

hbyrne31

You girls are awesome! I swear I love this board. It so great to shoot ideas off of people who know exactly what you are going through.

Dawn425

Ditto PPs. The gaps are extremely annoying....I like Ekobs have just come to accept them given as she termed it "The Catholic Gap." I was in a similiar situation and opted to have the 5:30 mass, but if it is unavoidable, I have only seen it done once in a graceful manner. My friend had a 2.5 hour gap in between the ceremony and reception. She put together a quasi "scavenger hunt" for those guests who felt like doing something. The winner then won some sort of prize at the wedding. For those who didn't want to participate, her parents rented three additional hotel rooms for any guests to use should they be tired, need to freshen up, or what-have-you-not (personally I thought that was a bit much, but whatever). Finally, they also reserved one of the function rooms at their preferred hotel and had an outside cater come in with light snacks and drinks. It was in a lounge type of area so people were free to come and go as they pleased. This, I thought was awesome because my friends and I ended up getting caught up in conversation and before we knew it, it was time for the reception. Granted everyone is an adult and should be able to entertain themselves for a few hours (you would think), however, when my friend went through all the effort to do that, the big gap was not as annoying. The vast majority even commented to her how nice and "unnecessary" it was to go through the trouble, but everyone was also fully relieved because they didn't have to find something to do in an unfamiliar town for so long.

foolforfood

I dread the Catholic gap.  I think it's completely avoidable, so I find it offputting when ppl complain that their hands are tied, etc etc.  When you know you're doing a Catholic Mass, I think you should book a reception venue that will allow you an early cocktail hour.  I'm sure in this hurting economy, some venue would make that allowance.If you choose to keep the gap, then you could hold a cocktail hour at a nearby location, then go straight to a seated dinner at your reception hall.  Another idea is to have various friends and family members offer to host small GTGs at their homes.

kmt_cas

I feel your pain.  Gaps suck.  There is no other way to put it.  We are in the same exact situation you are in.  After working a butt load of afternoon weddings, I was dead set on not having one for my wedding....This is what we're doing: we are having everyone come over to my parents house (about a mile away from the ceremony site) where we will have a caterer that will provide cheese and crackers/fruit type of food, non-alcoholic cocktails (since they'll have to drive to the reception site and there is a full bar there) - we're also having our harpist come and play, we'll be there and we'll mingle with everyone - it actually gives us more time to be with everyone.  It's certainly not ideal, but we didn't even have a 5:30 option so we tried to make the best of the situation.  If you can't host a "gap party" then I love the idea of the trolleys around the city.  I think that's a great idea, especially if you have a lot of OOT guests!  And like EKob said, there will be a bunch of people who opt out of the ceremony and just go to the reception site.  Don't stress too much about it. 

october010bride

This might sound mean but it's my honest opinion...I'm not catholic and thus don't get the idea of a gap... can't you just start your cocktail hour later and push back the ceremony?? I've experienced a "gap" twice, both very recently and thought they were terrible. As someone who never had the experience of dealing gaps before I just don't understand why they are necessary. I guess 45 minutes isn't too big of a deal, most people can occupy themselves in their hotel rooms... but then again, what about the people who aren't renting hotel rooms? I do like the idea of a bar tab. I'd just spread the word through word of mouth. Or maybe in your OOT bags you can put an insert about inviting guests down to the bar before the start of the reception.  

kates2480

we had an hour gap, it was fine. by the time ppl checked in and what not, cocktail hour was ready. 2 hours is a little much, but ppl will find stuff to do and won't feel rushed to get to the reception....I didn't want to get married at 530 and 7p cocktail hour, b/c then you don't eat dinner till 9pm, which is awful, IMHO.

hbyrne31

I got some great ideas today so I am going to look into a couple of different things. If I have a 5:30 ceremony and start my cocktail hour at 7 instead of 6 I lose an hour that we paid for. Our package has cocktail hour from 6-7 and reception from 7-12. For legal reasons they cannot extend it until 1. I might be able to start it earlier, but that's only if they do not have an afternoon weddings that day. As of right now they don't but it's up in the air. I hope we can just start earlier and do it from 5-11 I think that'll be best, so I'll just keep my fingers crossed.

GardenBryd

Hey! Seriously, don't worry too much about it--suggestions above are great.More of a general point: The biggest surprise at my wedding was the (large) number of guests who actually made a point to mention they loved having time between ceremony and reception to freshen up--though we only had about an hour. This is something I love, myself (for some reason, hate when I have to rush from ceremony to reception without any down time--I find that transition from serious ceremony to party time kind of weird), but I thought I was pretty much alone!For me, the very best thing about our hour-long break is that we were able to get all of our photos done AND join the cocktail hour. I couldn't have imagined seeing my husband before the aisle walk-down, and I couldn't imagine missing my cocktail hour, and I didn't have to do either--it was great! The wedding goes by so quickly, and for me, having an extra hour just slowed it down a bit, too.

foolforfood

Big difference between a one hour gap and a two hour gap.  I assume the OOT guests are staying near the reception venue.  That means they have to drive 30-40 min to the church, then use up another 30-40 to drive back.  Then you're telling them they have to wait another 120 minutes for cocktail hour.  I think that's pretty bogus and I hope you reach some sort of resolution with your venue coordinator.

GardenBryd

Eh, I still think it'll be fine. Didn't mention before but others may have: not everyone will come to the ceremony with that kind of break, which may be just fine with you. (That said, no one missed ours--but our break with driving was a bit shorter, of course.) As a guest, I've experienced the 2-hour break, and as a type I diabetic, you'd think I'd hate it. Wasn't my fave, but still prefered to no-break weddings--always feel rushed to me.All that said, if there is the option to change, I'd go for it--maybe reduce to an hour.

GardenBryd

And as one final thing--sorry, suggestions: We put on our maps (which we had custom-made from Etsy) a few suggested stops in Concord, MA--on the way to the hotel. It was a beautiful day, and a lot of people actually did stop to see things like the Sleepy Hollow Cemetary. We obviously had the advtage of Concord--easy place in which to drive around and kill time--but we also suggested a few cafes, at which people stopped.Most people simply stopped at the hotel and freshened up/had snacks from the little place there--but again, it was an hour.Does your recommended hotel have any kind of function room in which to set up a mini catered thing? As to the bar--I probably wouldn't make the pre-reception bar open. With two hours of free drinks, I'd think most people might show up a bit drunk. Other options are what people mentioned: hosting something at a closeby or off-site cafe/pub/resto (though again the drinking problem could come in), or hosting something at a friends or relative's house. (Does anyone live close by who could host something small? For her wedding, my cousin had something at our aunt's--was a lot of fun.)Final thing: people DID wind up showing up about 15 minutes early to my reception, which was fine with me. I am sure the estate wasn't thrilled, but whatever! This will likely happen, and hopefully the CC won't be jerky about it (one place I looked at said they would turn away guests if they were even five mins early--that cut them off the list).

hbyrne31

GardenBryd- Thanks for your posts! And don't be sorry for sugesstions, that's why I posted! Most of our family and friends who will be attending live within 10-15 minutes from our church and I know some of the guests won't attend. For the OOT guests, which are very few, most people staying at the hotel are close friends and family who want to continue celebrating with each other. The only guests who are OOT are members of my bridal party. I am going to have a shuttle from the hotel to the country club(only has 16 rooms and we have a big families) during that break so people can check in. Also, since we do have 16 rooms at the reception I can probably open a few up to guests. If I can't move the cocktail hour to 5:00 then I am going to see if they will set up coffee, cheese and crackers in by bridal suite (I booked my wedding so I will be to only bride having a night wedding there)and maybe get a violinist or piano player. I am also posting on the New Hampshire board for area attractions, coffe shops, etc.

GardenBryd

Oh, this plan sounds awesome--didn't know you had rooms right at the country club. It'll be FINE!